Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie Page #5

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I'm hyperventilating.

Esteemed members

of the Nobel Prize Committee...

it is with great pride...

that I present to you...

the Sizerator 2000!

- Oh.

- Ooh.

Behold, we can smallify.

No more traffic jams.

And conversely, largify.

Look at how big this hot dog is.

Going to need a lot of mustard

for this frankfurter!

The Nobel Peace Prize

in Inventing Stuff goes to...

um,

Professor...

ls that really your name?

It's not, like,

some kind of joke?

No. It's not, like, a joke.

Ifs a traditional name

in New Swissland.

Am I pronouncing it right?

Poopypants?

More or less. Except

the emphasis is on the "poop."

Why are you laughing?

I've invented a shrinking

and enlarging ray!

I should be famous!

I should be dating models

twice my size...

and doing the talk show circuit!

I should be protecting

baby seals as a cause...

that I say I care about,

but not really!

This guy is too much!

Stop! Stop laughing!

No, stop it!

Okay.

Phew! Oh...

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Here. Take the award.

It's really fun

to say Poopypants.

You keep your stupid award!

I don't want it anymore.

Oh, and one more thing...

On behalf

of the Nobel Prize committee,

please accept our apology.

And could you change me

back now please?

Why don't you go on and invent

your own shrinking

and enlarging ray...

if you think you're so smart?

How much of that was out loud?

Extra! Extra!

Get our latest issue!

Captain Underpants

and the Perilous Plot

of Professor Poopypants.

Oh, no.

There you are. I've been

looking all over for you.

Hmm. How many A's

are there in "Tra-la-laaa?"

What?

I'll just go with 11.

Enjoying your

first day, professor?

The complete opposite, actually.

Look at what these

little monsters have created!

We must lock them up,

probably, like, forever!

Hmm.

Oh, my.

This is not a comic.

This is a history book.

What?

And as such, it should be

taught in every classroom.

And you yourself

must teach it...

because that is how good it is.

I don't understand.

I thought, like,

we'd be on the same page here.

What page is that?

I'm on page 9, here.

It's fantastic.

Look, look.

It's about

this evil science teacher...

who looks a lot like you,

by the way.

And he wanted to

rid the world of laughter...

but he couldn't figure out

how to do It.

Even worse, I! seemed like

everywhere he went,

people were having fun

and laughing.

It just was infuriating.

But then, he discovered

someone who wasn't.

Why is it funny?

Anti-Humor Boy!

And then the professor says,

"Very interesting."

That's my voice for him.

Wait, wait, wait. Gimme that.

That's no Anti-Humor Boy.

That's the suck up from class.

Very interesting.

You boys

don't even realize it...

but your silly comic book

just helped me figure out...

how to wipe out laughter

on the... Oof!

Out of the road, bozo!

Hey, watch where you're going!

You just hit

Professor Poopypants.

Poopypants?

That's not funny!

That's not funny!

Ever heard of the sidewalk?

Oh, if I had insurance,

you'd be in... Ow!

I'll admit that was surprising.

Wow.

That actually

worked out for once.

Good job, Captain Underpants.

At your service, sidekicks.

Now where was I?

We should probably

get back to class, huh?

Yeah, we probably should.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

If you could just...

Watch your feet.

Excuse me.

Sorry. Thank you.

Oh, hey, Todd.

Now, let me ask you something.

If you could

control your principal...

what would you do?

Shh.

It's starting. It's starting.

I just wanna make sure you apply

the extra credit

to next semester.

I won't be needing it

this semester, of course.

Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah.

Whatever floats

your boat, Melvin.

Excuse me?

Can I please get

an ice cream sandwich?

Yeah, scram, okay?

We're closed for Ebola.

Okay, just a quick check

to make sure

that we're connected.

Mmm-hmm. Okay.

We're sure that's safe?

And now,

some classic funny bloopers!

Ah. That's a good one.

Oh, this one's my favorite.

I'm sorry.

Why are you showing me this?

Ow.

Come on, that was funny!

That child walked

right into that rake.

I'm bored! What else is on?

Fascinating.

Computer, scan.

I don't believe it.

You know, I suspected

something smaller than normal,

but this...

This.

What? What is it?

I can't find it.

Your Hahaguffawchuckleamalus!

You don't have one!

I don't get it.

Exactly.

You have no sense of humor

like a chair or a supermodel.

Melvin, with your brain

and my brain together...

we can finally wipe out laughter

for once and for all!

So George and Harold

want a supervillain...

well, ask and ye shall receive!

I hereby declare...

the Jerome Horwitz

art program...

reinstated!

Oh...

After you, sir.

Ooh, what if we...

I'm already on it.

Oh, this is gonna be epic!

Come on, Captain, draw!

Move your hand

in the shape of a person!

Why does it look like a chicken?

This whole visual

storytelling thing is hard!

Oh, that's good.

Here, these need words.

Hey, sidekicks...

why are we doing this again?

Well, we're making

school fun again.

You know, "free the children."

Hey, hey! What if we put

this panel right here?

Oh, yes! Yes, yes.

Ah, yes. Of course.

Fun.

On it!

Ha-ha!

Uh...

Where'd everybody go?

Where did this even come from?

Hey!

Oh, hey, sidekicks.

Glad you could join.

How did you even do this?

I thought you said

you were looking after the...

Oh, my goodness!

Is that a Ferris wheel?

Well, of course it is!

It came

with the carnival I ordered.

This cotton candy

makes me feel powerful!

Hey, uh,

where are all the teachers?

Detention.

They have a real

attitude problem.

Sure beats having Krupp around!

Oh, yeah. Krupp would totally

lose his mind if he saw this.

Step right up!

Who'll be the first

to dunk the principal?

No!

I'm drowning!

Tra-la...

All right, that's enough.

Recess is over.

Ah, come on!

Just one more ride!

Whoa!

Hey, watch it!

What is this, a carnival?

I hate carnivals!

Oh, this looks fun!

How do we play?

Hold your fire!

What is happening?

Who wants ice cream?

Ice cream!

What are we gonna do?

We can't keep this up forever.

We have to! We'll just

take shifts watching him.

I'll take today.

You take tonight.

Sugar!

Sugar!

Harold, I really

want some sugar.

Me too.

We made the wrong choice!

This did not solve anything!

Hey, sidekicks!

Check this out!

Geronimo!

No!

This way!

Field trip, anyone?

No, no, no!

Nothing's more fun than fire!

Except being on...

Fire!

What is happening?

Tra-la-laaaa!

Now, this is

how you run a school!

Free the children!

Wait a minute.

What the...

How did this...

I don't understand.

Help!

What the...

You...

You two.

Your friendship...

is no more.

What?

George!

Harold!

Harold! Come back!

George, I'm right here!

I'm right here!

Oh, no! No, no!

Don't leave me!

I won't! I won't, George!

Harold!

No, no! Wait, wait! Stop!

George!

George!

This thing is amazing,

Professor P.

You could probably solve

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