Car Dogs Page #5

for a second, please?

Get the f*** up. Go.

Get the...

You wanna slit your own throat,

it's best done with a knife.

Hey, Sheri.

Mike Chamberlain here.

I'm one of the owners.

I apologize,

but Ryan here is new,

and, uh, he was mistakenly looking

at an old inventory sheet.

If you'll give me a second

to get the new one,

I think we might just have

the car you're looking for.

Excellent.

I'll be right back.

I mean, what the f***?

Our biggest day, and I still

gotta spoon-feed you nimrods.

You are weaker

than surface lemonade.

Hey, I'm back.

Sorry 'bout that.

Now let me check here.

Ah, you know what?

We do have one.

We have a dark graphite

metallic four-door in stock.

Actually it looks like it was

just dropped off this morning.

No kidding? I'm the only

dealership in the city with one?

Wow. That doesn't

surprise me, Sheri,

as I do have the largest

inventory in the state.

What time would you

like to get here?

1:
00.

1:
00 would be great.

Yeah, that sounds perfect.

When you get here,

just ask for Ryan,

and I will personally see to it that

he takes excellent care of you.

All right, Sheri.

Wonderful. Okay.

See you then. Bye-bye.

Now log it.

So we do have the car?

Yep, but something tells me

it's gonna sell

before she gets here.

Dick.

I call to verify any one

of those and its sh*t,

your first deal

of the day is half.

Hey, Boyd, have you seen Scott?

He's out back

stocking in his trades.

All right, have him

find me when he's back.

Hey, wait a minute. Am I

missing something here, man?

'Cause I can't help but feel

like I'm late for the prom.

No.

You sure about that?

Yep.

Available sales

to the showroom, please.

As I explained

to this nice young man,

and having recently lost

my Edward,

I've had to do a lot of

things on my own lately.

Oh, I am so sorry, Ann.

I can only imagine.

Yes. And being

a woman of faith,

a never make a decision

without having

prayed on it first.

Well, believe me, Ann, I can

more than appreciate that,

having been raised

catholic myself.

I can't recall a decision,

be it big or small,

that my mother

didn't pray about.

Oh.

Rest her soul.

Oh.

Do you attend our lady

of perpetual help?

I do.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

Oh, no, Ann, don't be.

In this business, we often

have to work on Sundays,

so I don't make it to mass

near as much as I'd like.

I can understand that.

Thank you. Which...

You know, now that I

think about it, um,

if it wouldn't be too presumptuous

and if you wouldn't mind,

I'd really like to pray

with you about this.

Oh, really?

Good lord knows I could use it.

Well, Mr. Chamberlain...

Well, that would be nice.

Thank you.

Care to join us, George?

Uh, sure.

Dear heavenly father,

my savior, my lord,

and my redeemer,

once again, I call upon thee.

Tell me what to do, and thy will

be done in this transaction.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Heh.

And look at all

the room in the back.

You're a catholic?

You know the last three

words in the Bible, George?

"Get the money."

Now you help a customer

and close it,

that deal's entirely yours.

Now, you help a customer

and someone else closes it,

they get half.

And spiffs?

Oh, spiffs are easy.

That's all cash in fist.

First deal of the day

pays 200, as does the last.

Now, hat trick, that's three

cars sold in the same day,

that's 300.

But the pice de rsistance...

Heh... trunking someone,

that's 100.

Trunking someone?

Ah, if we're lucky.

Now, the three

most important things

that you'll learn

in this business...

The number one rules.

Okay.

Circle jerks...

Like that one...

Are the reason

why 5% of the guys

in this business

make 95% of the money.

They are a cancer,

so stay out of 'em.

Second, the only person who cares about

your success here more than you is me,

and I mean that.

And last, but not least

is the story

of the lion and the gazelle.

Every morning in Africa,

gazelle wakes up and knows it will

have to outrun the fastest lion,

or it will be killed.

And every morning in Africa,

the lion wakes up and knows

it will have to outrun

the slowest gazelle,

or it will starve to death.

So when the sun comes up, it doesn't

matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle.

You better be running.

But, really, who wants

to be a f***ing gazelle?

You stick with me,

I'll make you a f***ing lion.

Coming?

Yes.

I'm a lion.

$60,000 car, $80,000...

It's like,

"pick a car, guy..."

All right, today's

your big day, green pea.

Yeah?

Try not to get mauled.

I don't care what you guys say. I'm next.

That's the way it is.

You're not next, Caleb.

I am, then Brady, then Jayson.

Bullshit.

I was out here first.

But then you left, which

means you've lost your turn.

I'm having a bad month

here, all right?

Really, dude?

I got bills to pay.

I got mouths to feed,

okay, dude?

You got mouths to feed?

Seen Brady's fat-ass kid?

I think his two-year-old's

a diabetic already.

That's not cool, man.

So what do you

think of all this?

So far, so good.

I just hope I have

what it takes to be a lion.

Mm, Christian showed you

his paycheck, did he?

Yeah. That's insane.

Hmm. It's also

from 2007.

If I were you, I'd be careful.

Service, line two, please.

Why's that?

Because lions are notorious

for eating their young.

Caleb:

That's bullshit.

Since when is grabbing a bite to

eat cause for losing your turn?

It's not, Caleb,

but going inside is.

Look, if you were hungry, you

should have just grabbed

a f***ing hot dog, guy.

Exactly.

F*** you guys. You know

that sh*t's not kosher.

Aww.

Heathens.

Ohh.

So you lost your turn.

It's not like it

can get any worse.

Then again, maybe it can.

Money time.

Money time, baby.

Money time.

Children, relax.

You're getting all

worked up over nothing.

Oh, yeah?

Why is that, Sharon?

Because that is Edward,

my realtor,

my appointment.

Motherf***er.

Kid.

I suggest you boys all

find a new profession.

What makes you say that?

'Cause we just got played.

Sh*t.

Man.

There you go.

Oh, that one's not for you.

That's for your kids.

You coming?

Yes, sir.

Boyd, Boyd, where's mark?

Boyd, I asked you a question.

He's busy.

Doing what?

I don't know. It's not

my day to watch him.

Fellas, where are your ties?

I told 'em not to wear 'em.

Why? Are you aware

of a change in policy

regarding company attire

that I'm not?

'Cause it's Saturday, Reynolds.

We wear ties here every day,

even on Saturdays,

so go get 'em.

They left 'em at home.

Well, maybe they ought

to go home and get 'em.

Come on.

They should be worried

about selling cars

and making money,

Reynolds, not ties.

You might want to do the same.

Well, maybe you just

better watch yourself.

Or what?

Hey!

Are we having another problem?

No. No,

no problem at all.

I was just reminding

your boy here

about the, uh, dress code.

And I was just

reminding this tripe

that he better

check himself, mark.

Check myself?

What is this, amateur

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