Career Opportunities Page #4

about living at

home at your age?

The meals are great.

I mean, there's cable.

The accommodations

are excellent, five-star.

What do you care if

I'm living at home or not?

Hey, I didn't come here

to irritate you.

Well, you're beginning to.

Great.

That's really great.

I gotta stop saying

those kinds of things.

Those freakin' kids!

I knew I couldn't trust 'em.

Town liar.

That's a nice rep.

I bet it was Gregory,

that little weasel.

Top secret, and they still

shoot off their mouths!

If I'd really been

a French spy,

those little tots

would've gotten me killed!

Piano wire wrapped around my neck.

My testicles shoved down my throat.

A piece of dynamite

stuck up my ass!

She's so beautiful.

And I'm the town liar.

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la #

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la #

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la #

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la #

# Shiny boat through

the open doorway #

# Fell in love

on a summer day #

# You're only young once

but that's all right #

# Because it's just

so good to be alive #

# Take away your troubles

Take them out the door #

# Ohh, nothing on my mind

except my new love #

# Nothing on my mind

except my new love #

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la #

# Sha-la-la-la-la

La-la-la ##

Jim, there's

no reason to lie right now.

There's no one to impress.

I'm not impressed by a man

telling me he likes living at home.

Excuse me, I'm not lying,

and I'm not trying

to impress you.

So if you'll excuse me,

I have to clean dead flies

out of the lighting fixtures.

Okay, my error.

I apologize.

It's just that I

can't imagine a man...

giving up his independence,

his right to mate,

to have a family,

to build a life for himself,

for good cooking.

Hold on.

I have not given

up my right to mate.

I have the right to mate...

anytime I feel like mating.

You go out with someone.

You bring her home.

You introduce her to...

Mom, Dad, Sis, Billy,

Wolfie the dog.

Cocktails in the rumpus room,

and then do it on the bunk bed?

Let's analyze that remark.

I don't have a dog,

my brother's

not named Billy,

and I don't even

have a rumpus room.

You know what I mean.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Spit on me,

make me feel lousy.

Jim?

You said something

that wasn't true.

No.

No, I said that I can

have sex when I want to, and I do.

However, I was

looking forward...

to a nice, quiet evening

of janitoring.

I don't think you see

what I'm getting at.

I see what you're getting at.

I'm a lying monk with an Oedipus complex

and an appetite for home cooking.

Don't forget,

you're the indecisive shoplifter.

Yes! Exactly.

I would do anything

to be in your shoes.

These are Darnell's shoes.

You have freedom,

and you're not using it.

It makes me sad.

You have the wealth of the entire town,

and you're trying to get arrested.

- That makes me sad.

- That makes me sad, too.

- That's pretty stupid.

- It's very stupid.

Are you serious?

I mean, you haven't

been drinking?

This isn't

the bottle talking?

No.

Then why don't you

just talk to the guy?

For the same reason that

you can't leave home,

I can't tell my father

to go to hell.

Why not?

Because I don't

want to be alone.

Mr. McClellan?

You ever have any family problems,

you and your daughter?

What the hell

do you think this is?

You got a point.

Would you go

with me somewhere?

- Where?

- Florida?

Wyoming? Spain?

It doesn't really matter,

just away somewhere.

I'd love to.

I just can't afford to be...

capricious and carefree

like yourself.

I've gotta set my sights on

something, and really go for it.

- Night janitor?

- It's a beginning.

- I-I'm lookin' at...

- It's an end.

Maybe if you had

a destination in mind,

that would make all the

difference in the worid.

- Why?

- Well, uh,

I'm just not built to

aimlessly roam the worid.

I'm too conservative for that.

Well, I was thinking

about Los ngeles.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- What for?

- Live, work.

- At what?

- Whatever.

And what about

your father?

When I don't die,

he'll realize I can

make it on my own.

If I do, he'll have the satisfaction

of knowing that I can't.

If he brings me back,

or if I go back on my own,

he's just gonna beat

the sh*t out of me.

- So it doesn't make a difference.

- Literally?

Yeah.

- Sad.

- Yeah, it's sad.

Until he throws you across

the room, it's sad.

I'm afraid to live with him,

and I'm afraid to live without...

You didn't come to work

to hear this stuff. I'm really sorry.

I'm gonna clean this up.

I'm just surprised.

I thought everything

was okay, you know.

I figured you got a nice car,

a nice house, some money.

- Everything's okay.

- It should be, but it's not.

It's twisted

and it's distorted,

and it can't be changed

and it cannot be saved.

I'll go with you.

Really?

Yeah.

We have to get a car.

Let's get through

the night, first.

- I have money.

- How much?

Fifty-two thousand dollars.

On you?

In my purse.

Fifty-two thousand dollars.

Wow.

I've never seen

so much money in my life.

This is more than

my house cost.

Jim, now that I'm

spending the night,

how can I pay you back...

for being so cold

to you in high school?

Do you need an

answer right away?

No. Sometime before

the sun comes up.

Well, uh,

you're probably not

going to remember this,

but, uh,

there was a homecoming dance

our sophomore year.

- Mm-hmm.

- Do you remember Mrs. Noble?

Large, hairy gym teacher with

suspiciously cumbersome groin bulge?

I had her for two years.

She made everybody

switch partners...

because the fat giris

were dancing together,

and the doinks, myself included, were

against the wall blowing spit bubbles.

Right.

Well, for three-quarters...

of one verse of a slow song,

we danced together.

You reeked of Stri-Dex.

Oh, no, that was Larry Fry.

I'm sorry.

I don't remember.

- You got your hair caught in my braces.

- I don't remember.

Well, it's not important.

I had...

Well, I had just always...

dreamed of finishing that dance.

Okay.

Don't feel you have

to answer right away.

It's just a small portion

of my life that's incomplete.

I thought you were gonna

say something different.

Well,

first things first.

# When things go wrong #

# As they sometimes will #

# When the road you're trodding

seems all uphill #

# When the funds are low #

# And the debts are high #

# And you wanna smile

but you have to sigh #

# When care is pressing

you down a bit #

# Rest if you must #

# But don't you quit #

# Oh no #

# Don't you quit #

# Oh no #

# But you never can tell #

# How close you are #

# It may be near

when it seems so far #

# Ooo ooo ##

You're ticklish there?

Aaah!

Ow.

Officer Don!

You scared the crap out of me.

I thought it was the custodian.

What are you doing?

I work here now.

You wanna let me in?

I'd love to.

I don't have the keys.

I'm locked in 'til 7 a.m.

- What's going on?

- Have you seen Josie McClellan?

Of course.

Uh, dark hair,

green eyes, beautiful.

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