Career Opportunities Page #3

Sweetheart,

he wants us

to call him a janitor.

Maybe I should have spent

less time harping...

and more time helping.

Harpin' and helpin'

him what?

Harpin' on him to leave,

and helpin' him become...

the good, mature,

productive person he could be.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine, thanks.

And you?

What are you doing here?

I work here.

Have a good one, Officer Don.

Okay, Carl. Let me know

if you hear anything.

You bet.

Well, sir,

she didn't leave on the bus.

Let's look for her

someplace else.

She wouldn't be dumb

enough to thumb, would she?

Does she have any friends

she might have run off with?

Boyfriends?

Just get in the car

so we can look for the girl.

I'm tired,

haven't had any coffee.

My daughter, I don't know

where the hell she is.

And you're sounding like

some goddamn preacher!

Come on, get in the car!

Prick.

Are you sure you

didn't hurt yourself?

Oh, no.

Are you kidding?

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Can I ask what

you were doing?

I was roller-skating.

- I know, but why?

- Why not?

I got bored.

One thing led to another...

and I'm roller-skating

in my shorts.

Better question would be,

"What are you doing here?"

Shopping.

We've been closed

for five hours.

Yeah. I fell asleep.

- While shopping?

- No, in the ladies' dressing room.

That makes no sense.

You're a high-profile young ingenue.

I was debating whether or not

to get arrested for shoplifting.

Your father owns $10 million

worth of real estate.

- It's not my fault.

- I didn't imply such.

It seems funny

that someone of your...

- Wealth?

- If you will. Would shoplift.

I didn't do it.

I chickened out.

Would consider shoplifting.

It's a long, self-indulgent,

highly unromantic story...

about an overbearing father,

deceased mother and brother,

and a completely confused girl

who looks a little like me.

I sure am glad

you dropped by.

I was getting tired

of being with myself.

I guess... I'm what you

call a people person.

- What are you cooking?

- Hobo chicken.

It's a glazed chicken

in wine sauce...

with vegetables

and skin-on potatoes.

Silverware, silverware.

It's only 210 calories.

I don't know if you're watching

your figure, but I sure am.

If you can grab a serving spoon,

I think we'll be set.

Keep your distance

from these things.

I think it's safe

to keep five feet.

I think they're about done.

Dining room's right this way.

Mmm!

I think my father poured

the cement for your pool.

He's a cement contractor.

Good man.

Bud Dodge?

My mother works at

Hoenicker's over Christmas.

My sister's a teller

at the bank.

My brother's in grade school.

He's not employed.

I used to work at

the animal shelter,

but I was terminated.

Now I'm working here.

Do you always

talk this much?

I guess I do.

I like talking to people.

- Maybe you should go into sales.

- I've actually tried that.

Some fresh ground pepper?

Please.

Some people don't like

a lot of pepper. Say when.

That's fine.

I happen to really

like it a lot.

It enhances the natural

flavor of the chicken.

I hope you don't take

this the wrong way.

I've had dreams about you.

You've had dreams about me?

Not recently.

I've had dreams

about you in the past.

I've had dreams about

entire cheerleading squads,

so don't get me wrong.

- It's kid stuff. How 'bout you?

- Do I dream?

That's about all I do.

Raisin' a kid's hard work.

You got any kids?

No, sir. And from

listening to you,

and from observin' this,

I'm kinda grateful

Emily turned up infertile.

Shouldn't you be

cleaning up the store?

I got plenty of time.

- Big store.

- Huge.

Always smoke cigars?

I enjoy a good one

after a fine meal.

It settles the stomach.

You're the town liar,

right?

- What?

- I'm sorry.

That really came out wrong.

- How could it come out right?

- That's what people call you.

- I didn't mean to imply it's true.

- People call me that?

- I thought you knew.

- That I was the town liar?

- You didn't?

- No. I'm not.

- You have the wrong information.

- I didn't mean to offend you.

- Did you think that was a compliment?

- No. And I apologize.

- I can't repeat things like that.

- Don't think about it.

As I said, you've got

the wrong information.

If people are calling me that,

it's because they're

small, petty and jealous.

Small towns are

notorious for that.

- I'm sure there's a word for me.

- Sure.

- What do they call me?

- A tease.

Tease?

Yeah, I can see that.

Actually, I never teased.

This is becoming amusing,

- but who exactly calls me a liar?

- Everybody.

- Everybody.

- No, not everybody.

- There's some old people in town.

- Right.

- What do you think?

- What do I think?

Do you think I'm a liar?

I don't know you well enough.

You've known me for 17 years. We went to

the same schools from kindergarten on.

I knew of you, but I didn't

know you personally.

That's always bothered me.

I mean that old...

in-out, us-them thing.

- That's the way it's been.

- It's always bothered me.

- It's water over the dam now.

- But it's your dam and my water.

I got crapped on

a lot of years.

I meant that it's in the past.

The present

is a result of the past.

I look at my

high school yearbook...

and I don't see

four fabulous years.

I'm reminded of

what it feels like...

to have my underwear

yanked up my ass...

by some big football player.

And where are those guys now?

They're not working nights at Target.

I'll tell you that.

Yeah, You know...

I look at my yearbook...

and I see

four fabulous years...

that are gonna be the

highlight of my life.

Here's what it's like.

First you feel a hand

going down your pants...

and tighten around

the elastic waistband.

Highlight.

- Sometimes I'd actually see stars.

- It's not going to get better.

- Sometimes I'd actually see stars.

- It's not going to get better.

If I was particularly unlucky,

my shorts would rip completely free

and I'd get this really drastic...

Do you hear me?

Yeah.

I don't really care about a graphic

description of a childhood prank.

That prank was a motif in my life.

You know, I'm locked

in this store here...

because I didn't have

the guts to steal a skirt...

so I could get arrested

and embarrass my father...

in this stupid,

desperate, childish,

pathetic attempt to leave home.

You have your underwear

yanked up your ass.

I have my entire life

yanked up my ass!

You were speaking figuratively.

I was speaking literally.

And you're happy.

You're happy.

I'm not happy.

I'm working nights.

Everybody thinks I'm a liar.

My whole family's

laughing at me.

Reverend Harwell gave me

the finger last week.

At least you have

some control over your life.

- So do you.

- My father controls my life.

You're over 18.

You can tell him to drop dead.

- So can you.

- I don't want to.

I like living at home.

- No, you don't.

- Am I a garden snail?

An involuntary muscle

in a janitor suit?

I know what I want to do.

What could

you possibly like...

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