Carnage Page #8

ALAN:

He'll get new teeth! Better ones! No

one chewed his ear off!

NANCY:

It was a mistake not to consider the

source of the problem.

PENELOPE:

There is no source. There's an elevenyear-

old kid who hits people. With a

stick!

ALAN:

Armed with a stick.

MICHAEL:

We took that word out.

ALAN:

You took it out because we asked you

to.

MICHAEL:

We took it out with no argument.

ALAN:

A word which deliberately establishes

intent and excludes any hint of a

misunderstanding. Which excludes

childhood.

PENELOPE:

I'm not sure I can put up with that

tone of voice.

51.

ALAN:

We're not quite on the same page, you

and I. Right from the start.

PENELOPE:

Mr. Cowan, there is nothing so

frustrating as being upbraided for

something we ourselves admitted was a

mistake. The word "armed" wasn't

right, we changed it. Although,

strictly defined, it certainly

applies.

NANCY:

Zachary was verbally abused and he

reacted. If I'm attacked I defend

myself, especially when I'm all alone

against a whole gang.

MICHAEL:

Well, you've certainly perked up

since you tossed your cookies.

NANCY:

Do you realize how crude that is?

MICHAEL:

Listen. We're all decent people. All

four of us. How do we get all carried

away, losing our tempers? It's

entirely unnecessary.

PENELOPE:

Oh Michael, stop it! That's enough

mitigating. We're only superficially

fair-minded, so let's not be fair-

minded at all!

MICHAEL:

Oh no, I'm not going to be led down

that path.

ALAN:

What path?

MICHAEL:

The path those two little shits led

us down! All right?

ALAN:

I'm afraid Pen doesn't see things

that way.

PENELOPE:

Penelope!

ALAN:

Sorry.

52.

PENELOPE:

So now poor Ethan is a little sh*t.

That really takes the cake.

ALAN:

OK, that's it. I really have to leave

now.

NANCY:

So do I.

PENELOPE:

Go. Go. I give up.

The LONGSTREET family’s telephone rings.

MICHAEL:

Hello?

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

It’s me, Mikey.

MICHAEL:

Oh, hi Ma.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

This a bad time?

MICHAEL:

No. Well, we got some friends over

but go ahead.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

You know the surgeon told me to

stop taking my medication before

the operation.

MICHAEL:

Yes, Ma. Do what the doctors tell

you to do.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

All of them?

MICHAEL:

Yes.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

Because the surgeon told me to

stop all of them but Dr. Perlstein

said I could keep taking the

Antril?

MICHAEL:

The what?

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

Should I stop the Antril too?

53.

MICHAEL:

Antril! You're taking... You’re

taking Antril?! Wait, wait. Hang

on a second, Ma.

(to ALAN:
)

Antril? That crap of yours, is that

Antril? My mother's taking it!

ALAN:

Thousands of people take it.

MICHAEL:

(on phone:
)

All right, you stop taking that

one immediately. You hear me, Ma?

Right now.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

Why? It’s good for my pressure.

MICHAEL:

Don't argue. I'll explain later.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

Perlstein says I can keep the

Antril.

MICHAEL:

You tell Dr. Perlstein that I

won't let you.

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

I ordered the crutches, by the

way.

MICHAEL:

Good.

MICHAEL’S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

Red ones.

MICHAEL:

What? Why red?

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

So they can see me.

MICHAEL:

So who can see you?

MICHAEL'S MOTHER (O.S. - TEL)

The cars! They all drive like

crazy!

MICHAEL:

Mom, that’s ridiculous.

54.

MICHAEL’S MOTHER

Doris got run ov-

MICHAEL:

All right, we'll talk about it later.

We have company, Ma. I'll call you

back.

(hangs up)

She got red crutches so she won't get

run over by a truck. Just in case, in

her condition, she wanders out on the

highway in the middle of the night.

They're giving her Antril for her

blood pressure.

ALAN:

If she's taking it and she looks

normal, I'll take her deposition.

Didn't I have a scarf? Oh there it

is.

MICHAEL:

I don't like that attitude of yours.

If my mother has the slightest

symptom, my name will be at the top

of a class-action suit.

ALAN:

We'll have one anyway.

MICHAEL:

I should hope so!

NANCY:

Goodbye, Mrs. Longstreet.

PENELOPE:

Doing the right thing is futile.

Honesty is just stupidity. All it

does is weaken you. You let your

guard down.

ALAN:

OK, let's go Nancy. That's enough

sermons and lectures for one day.

ALAN picks up NANCY’s coat and hands it to her, then leads

her toward the foyer. Nancy puts her coat on as she crosses

the room.

MICHAEL:

(taking a step or two

after them:
)

Go ahead, go. But let me tell you one

thing. Now that I know you, I think

what's-his-name, Zachary, may have

some pretty extenuating

circumstances.

55.

NANCY stops and turns half-way toward MICHAEL.

NANCY:

When you killed that hamster

MICHAEL:

Killed?!

NANCY:

Killed.

MICHAEL:

I killed the hamster?!

NANCY:

Yes. You do everything you can to

make us feel guilty, you stake out

the moral highground as your own, but

you yourself are a murderer.

MICHAEL:

I definitely did not kill that

hamster!

NANCY:

Worse. You left it out there,

trembling with fear in a hostile

environment. That poor critter was

probably eaten by a dog or a rat.

PENELOPE:

She's right about that! She's right

about that!

MICHAEL:

What do you mean she's right?

PENELOPE:

She is. I mean, seriously. It's

horrible, what must have happened to

that animal!

MICHAEL:

I thought the hamster would be happy

to be free. I was sure he'd go

running around in the gutter, happy

as a clam!

PENELOPE:

He didn't.

NANCY:

And you just left him there.

MICHAEL:

I can't touch those things! I can't

touch anything of that family.

Christ, Penny, you know that!

56.

PENELOPE:

He's afraid of rodents.

MICHAEL:

Yes, I have a fear of rodents. I'm

terrified of reptiles. Anything down

close to the ground, no thanks!

That's all it is.

ALAN:

(to PENELOPE:
)

What about you? How come you didn't

go downstairs and get it?

PENELOPE:

Hey, I didn't even know! Michael told

the kids and me, the next morning,

that the hamster ran away. I went

right out looking for it, I went

right out. I went all the way around

the block, I went down to the

basement.

MICHAEL:

Penelope, it is completely unfair

that all of a sudden I'm in the hot

seat about this hamster thing, that

you just had to tell them about.

That's a family issue that doesn't

concern anybody but us and it's got

nothing to do with this situation

here! And I can't believe I'm getting

called a murderer in my own house!

PENELOPE:

What does your house have to do with

the price of tea in China?

MICHAEL:

It's my house and I open the doors,

the doors are wide open in a spirit

of reconciliation, to people who

should be a little grateful!

ALAN:

Keep right on stroking your own ego,

it's beautiful.

NANCY:

You have no remorse?

MICHAEL:

I have no remorse. That animal was

disgusting. I'm glad it's gone.

PENELOPE:

Michael, that's ridiculous.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote