Carnal Knowledge Page #5

in the airline commercial?

You lucky

son of a b*tch.

I don't know.

I don't want

to get in over my head.

I got in over my head

three, four times already,

and you have to be

a real bastard.

I don't like being

put in that position.

What would you do?

If she looks anything like

she looks on television...

Size 38, with a D cup.

But looks aren't everything.

Believe me,

looks are everything.

Maybe.

I'm hungry.

I'll get up.

Why do we always

have to eat so late?

Because I work

late, dumb-o.

Why do you

work at all?

Brings in extra money.

I make enough.

You want me

to quit working?

I thought you were

bored with it.

I am.

So quit.

What'll I do?

What do

other women do?

Have children.

Well, you asked me.

( shower running )

( Jonathan humming )

( music plays at low volume )

( music playing on television )

So until the day

that one comes along

I'll sing

my song with you

For every little

fault that you have

Say I've got

three or four

The human little

faults you do have

Just make me

love you more

You may not be an angel

But still

I'm sure you'll do

So until the day

that one comes along

I'll string along

With you.

Voices on TV:

Hey, was that you?

- Yeah, that was me.

- No kidding.

( television continues

at low volume )

What about my beer?

We're all out.

I really

wanted a beer.

Do you want me to

run out to the corner?

You're too tired.

I'm tired,

but I don't mind.

I'll get it.

No, I'll get it.

It's my fault.

I knew I should have

reminded you

when I called

this afternoon.

I'm sorry, honey.

You're more

tired now

than when you

were working.

I'm in the house

all day.

Did you get up

at all today?

What do you do?

I mean,

when you're

not telephoning?

I'm not on the phone

that much.

It took me

45 minutes

to get through

this afternoon.

I'll go

get the beer.

No, I'll go.

I thought you

were too tired.

I haven't

been out all day.

Fresh air will

do you good.

Will you walk

with me?

Then I may as well

go myself.

( music from the TV )

To sing my love song too

And until the day

that one comes along

I'll sing

my song with you

For every little

fault that you have...

Wanna make love?

We haven't

in a week.

Is it a week?

It's funny.

Susan and I do all

the right things.

We undress in front

of each other.

We spend 15 minutes

on foreplay.

We experiment,

do it in different rooms.

It's a seven-room house.

We don't believe in

making a ritual of it.

We do it when

we feel like it.

We don't feel we have to

be passionate all the time.

Sometimes it's even

more fun necking.

We're considerate of

each other's feelings.

I had a tendency--

men, I guess, have--

to be selfish.

But I stopped.

I don't do that now.

We try to be patient,

and we are patient,

gentle with each other.

( sighs )

Maybe it's just not

meant to be enjoyable

with women you love.

Sandy...

do you want to get laid?

( sighs )

Please.

Sandy:
Very nice.

Jonathan:

Very nice indeed.

Indeed. Watch out.

I almost had it.

Sure,

you almost had it.

I almost had it.

Right, Cindy?

See that, Cindy?

He was lucky.

That's all.

Bastard,

that was out!

- Bullshit it was!

- Oh, bullshit.

Let Cindy

be the judge.

We'll do it over,

all right?

All right.

Fair's fair.

Deuce!

You see that shot,

Cindy?

Now we got

some tennis.

Hey!

Game!

Luck!

Luck, my ass!

Whoo-hoo!

You want to

take me on, Cindy?

It's my turn.

Oh, come on, Bobbie,

you're so awful.

You serve.

Very nice.

Hey, you play well.

Hey, Sandy, will you

look at this girl?

Terrific, Cindy.

Whoo! Hey!

She's racking me up.

I'm not kidding.

Look at this.

She's racking me up.

Beautiful.

Boy, will you

look at this?

40-love.

And I'm not taking

it easy on her either.

You and Lord & Taylor's

are gonna

have to work out

a trial separation.

I had the water running.

What did you say?

You and Lord & Taylor's

are going to

have to work out

a trial separation.

Look at the date.

What do you mean?

Five months ago.

( sighs )

I'm sorry I cost you

so much money.

( telephone ringing )

( ringing continues )

I want

to get married.

( door slams )

Are you tired

of me, Jonathan?

Am I ever.

- The answer is yes.

- I didn't say yes.

You said, "Am I ever."

I need more

in life than this.

Who put you up to this?

Your psychiatrist?

After a long,

exhaustive bed hunt,

you finally chose me.

Cindy's not

a virgin either!

What?

Oh, I get it.

Is that what

brought this on?

Your mind

is unbelievable.

You have to have

a low opinion of me

thinking that I would

do that to Sandy.

Oh, no, you wouldn't

want to cheat on Sandy.

Oh, now it's Sandy.

Well, he spends

half his life over here.

Wait a minute.

A second ago you

had me screwing Cindy.

Who am I screwing

now, Sandy?

You're going

too fast for me.

I'm going too fast for you?

Your little mind

operates like an IBM,

like a pinball machine.

First Cindy.

Oh, no, not Cindy?

How about Sandy?

How about Cindy and Sandy?

Talk about the pot

calling the kettle.

The day I got an earful

of your checkered past,

I felt like a celibate.

You made me tell you.

Sure, I twisted

your arm.

It got you hot!

Something has to.

You have such contempt for me.

Kid, you worked

hard for it.

It's yours.

The way you paw me

at parties.

Now affection is contempt.

Upside down.

Everything upside down.

Feeling me up

in public is

not affection.

Will you come on?

I know I sleep all day.

I know I'm doing

a terrible job,

but you're

not helping me any.

And who helps me?

I help you.

Your kind of help

I can do without.

Can you?

Can you really?

Ahh!

You'll do anything you can

to ruin my day, won't you?

I got up today

feeling so good.

You couldn't

leave us alone.

- We were doing so well.

- What?

At one time-- at one time,

it was great what we had.

The kidding around.

It can't have a natural

time span?

Affairs can't dissolve

in a good way.

There's always

got to be poison.

I don't see why.

I really don't see why!

Jonathan, do you

want it over between us?

Why does it have to be

one way or the other?

You don't want me to leave?

I want you right here

where you belong!

And what about you?

When I'm here, I'm here.

When I'm not here, I'm there.

- Where?

- Wherever?

No.

I'm a man-eater

or a ball-buster

and a castrator.

I want to get married.

All right, where

the f*** is my shoehorn?

This place is a mess!

There's not any food

in the house!

Half the time, you look

like you fell out of bed!

You spend more time in bed

than any other human being

past the age of six months

than I ever heard of!

The reason I sleep

all day is because

I can't stand my life!

What life?!

Sleeping all day!

( sobbing )

You say that sort of thing,

I fall in love with you

all over again.

Marry me, Jonathan.

Please, marry me.

You're trying to kill me.

Marriage isn't death.

Why now?

Because two years ago,

I slept eight hours.

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