Carolina Page #3

We're on in 10 minutes.

You don't want that on you.

Hello, everybody.|Okay, is anyone nervous?

Don't be. The hard part's over.|You've already had the date.

Now all you have to do|is tell Chuck all about it.

- My date hated me. I could tell.|- I'm sure she didn't, John.

Actually, he's right.|He's a complete a**hole.

Okay. Tara, you know you can't|say "a**hole" on TV, right?

He took notes on everything I did.|And my name's not Tara, it's Kate.

I'm Tara.

And I didn't hate my date.|He was totally hot.

Oh, I see.

Okay, Kate.

Let's stick to positive comments|when we're on the air, okay?

I understand. You screwed up.

I should have had him.

Hello, I'm your new P.A.|Kristine.

Phone call

- for Carolina.|- Take a message, please.

Snake said to tell you that|Georgia's blowing chunks.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Kristine, can you please escort our|contestants to the holding room?

Okie dokie, you've got it.

So who knows where|the holding room is?

From Hollywood,

it's your favorite game show,|"The Perfect Date." And now here's

your perfect host,|Chuck McBride.

Keep it coming. I can feel it.|I can feel it. I need your love.

Georgia, you're supposed|to throw up all the time.

Maybe because there's a person|growing inside you.

We sent two contestants|on a blind date.

You get to see the results right|here. And then you get to decide.

Was it the perfect date!

What a putz.

Let's see those first two guests|right now. Here are Heath Pierson

and Tara Barnell.

Carolina!

What? You still haven't told|grandma you're pregnant yet?

Carolina!

Georgia, I'll call you back.

Do we still have anyone working|around this piece of crap show?

Job opening.

I am so sorry.|I heard what happened.

How did you know|this was my car?

Your name is on the fence.

Souvenir.

Do you want me|to sign it for you?

You're funny.

Yeah, well,|Chuck overruled funny.

You have to believe there's|something better coming along.

I'm guessing you don't want to work|a game show the rest of your life.

You must be from a rich family.

I thought so.

Well,

I can afford to buy you dinner.

You get me fired|and you want to buy me dinner?

Excellent question.

I hope you told him|to bugger off.

He must be really,|really good looking.

- Yes, but...|- I thought so.

Otherwise you wouldn't go out|with a guy who got you fired.

He didn't get me fired,|Georgia did.

Georgia didn't get you fired.|You got yourself fired.

You have to learn how to say no.

Like to this Heath person.

- Pierson. It's Heath Pierson.|- I mean person.

Like this stupid Heath person.

What? Oh, who cares?

I got fired and I came over|to talk to you

because you're my best friend and|all we're doing is argue about it.

State your business.|- It's Carolina.

I need you to say you're coming|to Christmas dinner right now.

Listen, baby, I got me|a fur person now.

And fur people|who do not understand

- formal sit down dinners...|- "Nobody's gonna come if you don't"

I need you to do this for me,|please.

Are you crying, baby?

Yes or no?

Why are you crying, honey?

Bye, grandma.

And remember you're hauling|Georgia's butt here this weekend.

I won't forget.

All right.

Hello.

It's me.

May I come in?

I'm sorry.

I wasn't very sympathetic.

Where'd that come from?

I have 53 dollars

in my savings account.|I have to go and look for a job.

And the milk goes bad in two days.|What am I gonna do, Albert?

You get an interview|with the big boys.

You put on your black suit,|pull your hair into that little...

twisty thing, and they'll|fall in love with you

and hire you on the spot.

There are 150 people applying|for one job in television.

Maybe.

But there's only one Carolina.

Towel.

You want to go to the movies|tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night's my date|with Heath.

I know we met under unusual|circumstances, but...

I wanted to ask you out to dinner|the moment I saw you.

You did?

You were biting your lower lip.

I was?

It was very, very sexy.

Are you for real?

Are you just

randomly throwing out lines|or are you telling the truth?

I guess I'm randomly|telling the truth.

So, you're from London.|Tell me about that.

Well, there's not much to tell.

I have a younger sister,|Sara,

and my father's a banker.|My mother teaches English at Oxford,

which is where I went to university.|I played on the cricket team.

I'm an executive at an advertising|agency, and I have a flat in Paris.

Do you have a wife and kids? Even|if they're in Tulsa, I want to know.

Why are you staring at me?

No wife, no kids.|Where's Tulsa?

In Oklahoma. It's a state.

Like Carolina the state?

Yes, I was named after a state.

My sisters, Georgia and Maine|were also named after states.

Whatever state my father happened|to be in when we were born.

We were named after postmarks.|Those are

on postcards, but you don't|want to hear about that.

I don't?

No.

North or south?

What?

Carolina.

I had a wonderful time tonight.

So did I.

Carolina the state.

North or south.

Yep. South.

Definitely South Carolina.

Are you sure you want|to move in with grandma?

Well, I can't raise a baby|by myself.

- You could move in with me.|- Oh, sweet.

So super sweet, but you know, the|baby will have Maine to play with.

You know me, I like a lot|of energy around me.

Well, you have told grandmother|that you're pregnant, right?

Right?

Well, I'm still waiting|for the perfect time to tell her.

Back up, back up.

Back in the car. I'm bored.|We're going to the movies.

- Come on.|- Let's unload the U-Haul first.

I don't want to do any work.|I want to go be entertained by some

black and white piece of crap.

I'm off duty when I'm dreaming.

You smiling rat bastard,|you're gonna be dead soon.

- Grandma, please.|- Keep it down!

I want popcorn.

Not spending six bucks on twenty|cents worth of popcorn, honey.

I made this gumbo yesterday.|You're gonna eat it and be happy.

How are you feeling, Ben?|I thought you were sick.

Well, ask her where|she was last night.

Show's up there, buddy.

- I want popcorn.|- Stop, stop.

Jeff, why don't you tell me you've|been working hard at the bank.

Who'd you put out for, Popsicle?|Sure as hell can't act worth a lick.

Will you shut up?

Listen, sonny...

Grandma, I'm pregnant.

Georgia, now is not the time.

What?

Hold it.

- Hold it.|- You hold it.

Well thank you for revealing|that little tidbit of information

before you unloaded the U-Haul.

Cause my child-rearing days|are over, sunshine.

It's not gonna cost a thing.|I'm gonna breastfeed it.

Can we talk about this|in the lobby, please?

Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to|take your seat and lower your voice.

What are you?

I'm the manager, ma'am.

- How old are you, Mr. Manager?|- Twenty, ma'am.

Listen. Carefully,|you leave now.

I can't do that, ma'am.

You know murder is a funny thing.

It happens to all sorts of people|in all sorts of places.

Nobody's safe any more.

Even little snot-nosed, pudgy

theatre managers running up and|down the aisle with a flashlight.

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