Carrie Pilby Page #7

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after school society.

Not every one.

Just Harvard

Model Congress,

Excellent Exegists,

Mathletes, College Bowl.

Wow.

You really were a nerd.

Well, that's something

coming from a band geek.

Touch.

What's your actual job?

I play, um...

I play clarinet

for the New York Philharmonic.

But I mean,

I just started,

so it's-- it's nothing.

That's incredible.

Your parents

must be so proud of you.

You know, you'd have thought

they would be,

but the truth is they really

don't get it at all.

My...

my dad wanted me

to do

something more practical,

I guess.

Ever since

I tried to explain to him

that music's my thing,

he pretty much refuses

to engage

in any discussion about it.

That's awful.

How do you deal

with that?

I don't know.

I didn't for a long time.

And then one day

I just thought,

"Screw this," you know?

I have one life

and I'm allowed to be happy.

You know?

He'll come around

if he comes around.

Yeah.

My dad has

a whole new family.

I just hate the feeling

that I've disappointed him.

Has he disappointed you?

Mmm-hmm.

But that doesn't mean

you don't love him, does it?

No, no, no,

of course not.

So, maybe

it's the same for him?

I mean,

I'm sure he loves you.

What's not to love?

So, uh...

what about you?

- What do you do?

- Oh, proofreader.

Professional, though.

Not one of those amateurs

you hear about.

Oh, I'm sure.

I'm sure.

I'm not like you.

I don't have it

figured out yet.

Well, when you do,

I've got a feeling

you're gonna set the world

alight.

What makes you say that?

That's just what

my gut says.

Do you wanna dance?

No, no.

I dance like

a rhythmless four-year-old.

No, no. Seriously.

You'll have images

you won't ever be able

to get out of your head,

like when you see

- a really bad horror movie.

- I love horror movies.

Seriously, no.

I won't take no

for an answer.

Here, come on.

- Oh...

- Come on.

Okay, okay.

You asked for it.

All right.

Here.

Put your arm here.

( laughs )

- Are you ready?

- Mmm-hmm.

You're freezing.

No, it's okay.

Here.

Take my coat.

Thanks.

Looks good.

Is this yours?

Yeah, Salinger.

You read it?

What am I saying?

Of course you have.

Um--

I-- I have to go.

Go where?

There's just something

I have to do really quickly.

Would you mind

if I borrowed this?

I'll bring it back

tomorrow.

You're really close by.

Of course.

- No problem.

- Thank you.

It's been really nice.

You're not nearly as bad

as I thought you were.

( laughs )

( dial tone )

( dialing )

( phone rings )

Woman:

Merry Christmas!

Hello?

Is David there?

Who is this?

Carrie.

Who?

Can I just please speak

to David?

Professor Harrison:

Carrie?

I want my book back.

What book?

The one I lent you.

My first edition

of "Franny and Zooey."

Yeah, I'm right

in the middle of hosting

a Christmas party.

Can we discuss this next

month when I get back to my

office?

Could you please just do

this one thing for me?

Well,

I'll tell you what.

If I find it, I'll be sure

to let you know, okay?

Merry Christmas, Carrie.

( dial tone )

Okay...

God...

I'm not going to lie.

I don't really believe

you exist.

So, I don't really know

what I'm doing,

or who I'm talking to,

but anyway,

I just thought I might

at least let you know

in the unlikely event

that you did exist,

what my requests

would be this Christmas.

It won't take long,

I promise.

So, firstly,

I'd like things

to be better

for the homeless,

the old, the sick,

and anyone

who's not doing so great.

I'm sorry

for when I judge people.

And I'm sorry

for the not-so-good things

I've done lately.

It just seems kind of hard

to avoid doing them.

But I'll try and do better,

I promise.

Oh, and this might

sound really petty,

but could you please

help everyone learn

how to pronounce

"In Excelsis Deo" correctly?

Thanks.

And...

I know...

that my mom probably

isn't up there with you,

but if she was,

I just want her to know

that I really,

really, really miss her.

And I know

that my dad does too.

As for him,

I'm just tired of fighting.

I just

really wish everything

could be like

it was before.

So, anyway,

that's it I guess.

Amen.

Oh, and happy birthday.

( doorbell buzzes )

I know it's Christmas,

so you don't have to work,

even though you're Jewish,

and technically

you don't celebrate,

but we need to talk.

Are you okay?

Not really, no.

And I'm sorry to interrupt

your non-holiday,

but I couldn't wait

another week to tell you

that your list is crap.

- All right, just hold on--

- No. I will not hold on.

I need you

to listen to me.

Because of you,

I am a fish murderer.

Even worse, I almost slept

with an engaged guy.

And I am

more confused than ever.

Like, is it

so wrong for me

to do what is right

and be happy?

Because if so,

I am destined to be

a miserable person,

list or no list.

Carrie, stop.

Please, come inside--

I know what

you're going to say.

You're gonna say

I can't say the list is crap

because

I haven't finished it yet.

But the thing is,

I can't finish it

because I left

my "Franny and Zooey"

at Professor Harrison's.

- Okay, so get it back.

- I told you, I can't!

I don't need to finish

the list to know that,

shocker--

drinking a cherry soda

will not make my dad

pay attention to me.

Having a goldfish

won't bring my mom back.

It did help me learn,

though, that going on a date

could make me feel

more lonely than ever.

You know what I think?

I think you're the one

who needs a list.

And it should have things

on it like,

"Don't have affairs

with married women."

- Now wait a minute.

- And fine, you're an adult,

so you can do what you like,

but so can I.

And just because

I don't want to do

demeaning or immoral things

doesn't make me a prude.

I mean, a prude

wouldn't sleep with

her English professor,

would she?

You slept with

your English professor?

Dad!

Petrov:

I tried to tell you.

What are you doing here?

What--

what is he doing here?

I was worried about you.

Obviously,

I had a very good reason to.

- Why didn't you call?

- I did call.

You didn't pick up

your phone.

Because my phones

are broken!

Where's your new family?

Did you ship them off too,

so you didn't have to deal

with them?

That's not fair, Carrie.

What he did to me

isn't fair.

That didn't stop him.

Go home, Dad.

I came so that

you wouldn't have to go

to London,

which you seem to hate.

No, I don't hate London,

I hate you!

And I hate

this stupid list!

( sighs )

Well...

that went well.

Give her some time.

Hi.

Wasn't sure

if you'd remember.

It's been such long time.

I'm a prodigy, aren't I?

I think I can remember

the simple phrase,

"If you get lost,

I'll meet you

at Hans Christian Andersen."

Poor guy.

Never found love.

Wrote all those books

for children

and never had

any of his own.

Mm.

Might be a good thing.

If he had them,

he undoubtedly

would have

disappointed them.

I really want you

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