Carry on Doctor Page #2

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Last bloke in that bed had the same thing.

Did he?

Right up to the end.

Oh, that's cheering.

I'll say one thing for them - it's a nice warm bed.

Should be.

They only took him out half an hour ago.

This must be where they keep the coal.

Oh... How do you do?

I didn't know you were still with us.

Yes, well...

don't let me keep you conscious.

Is this your first?

Pardon?

Is this your first?

First? First what?

Baby.

Huh?

It's the first time for me.

Never again, though.

Never aga...

Is he really going to have a?

No, his wife is.

Trouble was, when she told him, he collapsed,

and he's been here ever since.

Don't let them tell you having one is easy.

I'm having a terrible time!

Terrib...

He should be in the paternity ward.

This is a madhouse!

You'll get used to it.

You're lucky Kilmore's looking after you.

He's all right, he is.

Yeah, but wait till old Tinkle comes round. Cor!

Tinkle?

He's the registrar. That means senior doctor.

And he's a first-class B.

Knows his job, though.

Yeah, so does the hangman.

Oh! Oh, I say, I'm terribly sorry, Matron.

That's another thermometer gone, Doctor.

Never mind. You can still use it on people

who are a bit round the bend.

This hospital just isn't big enough for both of us,

Dr Kilmore.

Oh, now, come on.

You're not all that big, Matron.

Oh, yes, I see.

I hear you have a casualty for me.

Yes. Nothing serious, of course,

or I wouldn't have sent for you.

- I have an idea she doesn't like me.

- She doesn't like anybody, the old...

It's not as though I bumped into her on purpose.

Anyone would think I made a habit of it.

- What's your trouble?

- Oh, I had my appendix out.

Appendix? Well, what about your leg?

Oh, no, that happened

when I fell off the operating table!

Oh.

Cheers.

Did you wish to go somewhere, Mr Biddle?

I did, but you frightened me out of it.

I wish you'd speak to him, Doctor.

He will keep wandering around the corridors.

I think it's a good thing for him

to get about as much as possible, Sister.

So long as he keeps well away

from other wards, of course.

Oh, don't worry. I will, doc.

- Right. Where's this casualty?

- Over here, Doctor.

- Good evening. I'm Doctor Kilmore.

- And about time too,

I may say.

If this is the National Health Service,

take me back to the leeches.

Well, I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting, Mr...

Bigger, Doctor.

Mr Francis Bigger.

Bigger? Francis Bigger?

Wait a minute!

That rings a bell.

You must be that chap who goes round saying

that doctors and medicine are unnecessary.

Well, I... I didn't exactly say that.

You see, I deal with the mind.

Of course, yes.

You see, if one thinks

that nothing will happen to one,

nothing will.

What went wrong?

Well, I must've stopped thinking for the moment.

Well, let's have a look at you.

If you'll just turn over, please.

Well, I can't. I'm in agony.

Help him, would you, Sister?

Oh, hang on a sec!

Back a bit. My thing's caught.

- I beg your pardon?

- My stethoscope...

Ouch!

Hurts a bit, does it?

Just a whimsy.

Mmm, yes, there's quite a bit of bruising there.

You... You landed on your coccyx.

I did not. I fell on my back.

Your coccyx is at the base of the spine,

Mr Bigger.

Is it?

Well, it's the first time I've heard it called that.

Well, I don't think there's any fracture,

but we'll X-ray first thing tomorrow.

X- ray?!

Now, what could be wrong?

It's just a precautionary measure, Mr Bigger.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

- Do you think you'll be able to sleep all right?

- Yes, of course. You've been a real comfort.

I'll give you a local jab to kill the pain,

if you'll just turn over.

Turn over, turn here, turn there!

I wish I'd never come here in the first place.

Oh, get out of it!

Thank you, Nurse.

Sorry, Sister.

Fine. Now, this isn't going to hurt.

Argh!

Er, who...

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

I'm afraid I must have overslept.

- What time is it?

- Six o'clock.

Six o'clock.

- In the morning?

- Yes, that's right.

Did you have a good night?

I'll let you know when it's over.

Under the tongue. Mouth closed.

Nurse? Have you any news?

No, I'm afraid your baby hasn't arrived yet,

Mr Barron.

Oh, no. Well, it should have done.

All night long I've been having the vapours.

Don't tell me.

Wet and windy.

You're quite normal, Mr Bigger.

Well, I shan't be if I stay here much longer.

Is it all right if I finish my sleep now?

- By all means.

- Thank you.

Sleep's good for you.

Tea up.

Tea.

Ugh! That's not what I would call it.

Oh!

Washie time.

Look, I don't want washie time!

Stop!

Oh, I wouldn't put that in my mouth if I were you.

It might explode.

I hope not.

Matron doesn't approve of banging in the wards.

Right, Mr Roper...

Don't tell me it's gone up again.

Oh, I'm afraid so.

I don't understand it. I just don't understand it.

There, that's better, isn't it?

Yes. I've been looking forward to that all night.

Good morning.

Cow!

I dreamt about you last night, Nurse.

Did you?

No, you wouldn't let me.

- Morning, Mr Smith.

- Ooh! Oh...

Try and use it, Mr Bigger.

Thank you. It's just what I needed.

No, stop messing about!

- I beg your pardon?

- We must do this again sometime.

I must congratulate you, Hardcastle.

You did a beautiful job.

The chap might even live.

Providing you took the right one out, of course!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Dr Tinkle.

And thank you

for doing the sewing up for me, and...

It's quite a neat job, that.

Yes, it was, wasn't it?

lused a running chain stitch, you know.

Really?

- Mm. Much more decorative.

- Is that so, yeah?

I don't know... I just don't seem

to be able to handle a needle myself.

I don't know why.

- Er, allow me.

- Oh, that's very kind of you.

Thank you very much. Right.

Well, I'll be getting changed now, then.

Yes, get the old butcher's apron off, eh?

- Oh, good morning, Dr Tinkle.

- Good morning, Matron. How are you?

- Very well, thank you. And you?

- Fine, fine.

But don't let's talk shop, eh?

Anything interesting come in during the night?

Only a man with an injured back.

As you weren't here,

I'm afraid Dr Kilmore had to treat him.

Never mind, never mind.

We may be able to save the poor chap yet.

I'll see him on my rounds,

after I've cleaned up a bit.

I didn't know

you were assisting Mr Hardcastle this morning.

You know how it is, Matron.

These surgeons are all right for a quick slash

and a fast grope round,

but when it comes to cleaning up the mess,

it's a doctor that's needed.

Oh, how right you are, Doctor.

What a wonderful man you are.

Oh, how I love you!

Oh, how I love you.

Well, I'll be off now.

Have you the right time, Doctor, please?

Yes, of course. It's um...

- Where's my watch?

- You must've taken it off.

No, no. I distinctly remember having it on

when I started to sew that fellow...

Oh, no!

And it was an alarm, too.

All right, Sister.

Wheel him back.

Morning, all.

Morning, doc.

Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?

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