Carry On Emmannuelle Page #7

You talk too much.

We'll cut it there, OK?

It's live?

Whose bloody idea was that?

At least cut it off the one for the States, OK?

It's going out now, on satellite,

worldwide with translations?

Good night. What do you think you're doing?

Good... good night, everybody.

Thank you.

Cut it! Cut it!

What are you doing?

Cut. Cut to the commercial

Cut, cut. Cut to the commercials.

At least it won't hurt the ratings.

Theodore?

- Theodore!

(Knock at door)

What are you doing?

Nothing, Mother!

You're not doing anything

naughty to yourself, are you,

like that disgusting boy in that novel?

No, Mother!

Well, I've got some lovely steamed chicken,

and mashed potatoes

with butter and parsley and herbs for you.

I'm not hungry, Mother.

But you haven't eaten for days.

You're not on hunger strike, are you?

Yes, Mother.

What, because of that dreadful girl?

Yes, Mother.

Then half the country must be starving.

Don't you understand? I loved Emmannuelle.

I can't live without her.

But...

I can't do anything right.

I'm going to shoot myself.

Oh, no, no, darling!

I must. I'm a failure.

You're all that Mummy's got

now that Daddy's gone.

I'm a complete failure.

- No!

(Gunshot)

I told you I was a failure. I missed.

Mummy's little teddy!

Ninety-nine.

Ninety-nine.

Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine.

- Say "ninety-nine."

- Ninety-nine.

Ninety-nine.

I see. This stems from the unfortunate accident

with that church spire.

Yes, you got the point.

No, you got the point.

And you're finding it difficult

to make love to your wife.

Yes. Can you help me?

You want me to make love to your wife?

Ah... no, certainly not!

I want you to help me to do it.

Jolly good.

Please drop your trousers.

I'm quite sure

your condition is psychological, not pathological.

There is absolutely no reason

why you cannot enjoy a perfectly

normal relationship with your wife.

But I've tried and tried.

And you can't raise any enthusiasm.

I can't raise anything.

You seem to have the right equipment.

You're very kind.

Oh, doctor, your hands are very cold.

Sorry.

Cough.

Yes. As I thought.

It's all in your mind.

Are you sure?

I'll prove it. Nurse!

Wait a minute.

I've got nothing on. I am not decent.

She's a nurse.

She is used to seeing things like that.

Open your coat, please, nurse.

Thank you, nurse.

You see.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You're making a fuss

- about such a little thing.

- I would not say that.

You will catch a cold in your eye.

It is incredible.

- What is?

- She must be in a very bad way.

What is it? Who's she got in bed now?

You'll never believe me when I tell you.

The ambassador.

- Which one?

- Her husband.

Oh! Well, I suppose a change

is as good as a rest.

That was wonderful, darling.

Think nothing of it.

It's good exercise. It builds up the lumber.

And your rectus abdominus.

- I'll tell you something else.

- What?

It's a lot better than pumping iron.

I've never stopped taking my pill since...

since I left school.

Well, the pill is only 99.99% safe, you know.

I'm afraid you are the unlucky 0.001.

I've never heard of that before.

I mean, I don't mind becoming a mother,

so long as it doesn't interrupt

with my love life too long.

I would respectfully suggest that a few months

lay-off might do you a world of good.

It might do the world a world of good, too.

Well, that's it, then. I think we should celebrate.

Why not? Let's go behind the screen.

For why?

To celebrate. I've been reading

all about how naughty you are,

and I'm thinking,

we both can be naughty together.

How dare you? I am a married lady.

Nurse?

Coming, doctor.

- Emile, I have some news for you.

- Yes? What is it, darling?

What would you say

to an addition to the household?

Oh, no, no, no. We already had the inflation.

Everything's going up.

There's Loins, Mrs Dangle, Leyland.

Even old Richmond's had a rise.

I am talking about a baby. I am pregnant.

Oh, I feel faint. I must sit down. Oh!

Oh, I've come over queer.

I'm going to be a father. Oh!

- You don't mind?

- Mind? I think it's wonderful.

So do I, but I don't understand

how I get a baby on the pill.

I have a confession to make to you.

I wanted to be the only man in your life

and I thought - motherhood.

- Motherhood?

- A devoted mother doesn't have time to dally.

- What are you telling me?

- When you were asleep, I took your pills away.

- But I haven't stopped taking them.

- You thought you were taking them,

but I got a chemist friend of mine to make up

a substitute and slotted them into your packet.

- Oh la la!

- You are angry?

No. So all the time

I have been taking some harmless pills.

They weren't exactly harmless.

- What were they?

- They were fertility pills.

(Babies crying)

Hip hip... hooray!

Hip hip hooray!

(Cheering)

Don't they look like their father?

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes I work so hard

I wish she'd leave me alone

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

# The woman is love crazy

# She's out on her own

# Sometimes it gets so hard

I just don't want to go home

# The woman is love crazy

# She's loving all night

# The woman is love crazy

# Won't stop for a bite

Captioned by Grantman Brown

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