Carry On Emmannuelle Page #6

They can wait. I'm kidnapping you.

That's crazy. My husband

wouldn't give you one franc to get me back.

Not for ransom. I'm making you my prisoner.

I'm going to keep you to myself.

That's ridiculous.

I warn you. I'm desperate. Start the car.

Non.

- Why not?

- I can't drive.

Oh, God! Why didn't you tell me?

- You didn't ask me.

- Change over.

Go on.

Oh! Oo-hoo!

It was worse on the Concorde.

If you wanted to kidnap me properly,

you should have sneaked into my bedroom

in the middle of the night,

chloroformed me,

and carried me over your back

to the car in a sack.

I thought of that, only I've got a bad back.

- You can't drive with one hand.

- Yes, I can.

Theodore.

- You're not going to kidnap me.

- I am.

Aargh!

- I don't think so.

- I can't drive lying down.

Who is talking about driving?

Ah, there, now don't! No, stop!

Don't!

Stop.

Don't stop.

Oh, Emmannuelle,

you're making it very hard for me.

Emmannuelle, I may have to do

something ruthless to bring you to your senses.

My editor won't be interested if it's not authentic.

It's authentic, all right.

I've got the pictures here to prove it.

Well, now, what else has this broad been up to?

It's all down there.

What's that?

Blimey! And that was with the chauffeur, right?

Yeah, that's right.

We'll need substantiation before we can run this.

I've got everything -

photographs, names, places, dates.

And all on affidavits.

Foreplay with the butler.

- Did you use a wide-angle lens on this?

- I certainly did.

Aha! Menage a trois

with a Soviet ambassador and a KGB man

at the Soviet embassy.

Sounds like a case of "reds on the bed".

Algolagnia with the Minister of Sport.

- What's that?

- I don't know. Here...

Algo... algolagnia...

Spanking! Here, you should know about that,

you old devil!

When it used to happen to me,

I didn't know you were supposed to enjoy it.

Theodore,

what does "coitus interruptus

with the Prime Minister" mean?

It means, Mother,

that the Prime Minister's a very busy man.

Pygmalionism:
amorous attraction

directed towards a statue.

Stone the pigeons!

What next?

Accepted her punishment

from the Lord Chief Justice.

A bit of habeas corpus

with the police commissioner.

Played strip Monopoly

with the chairman of the Bank of England,

and got herself in a very united state

with the American ambassador.

Let me have a look.

I haven't got my glasses.

Aphrodite callipygous with the guest conductor

of the Royal Symphony Orchestra.

- Aphrodite calli... callipygous.

- It's all Greek to me.

It says, "Scopophilia

is the more urgent form of voyeurism."

Hm?

The need to watch others undress.

Blimey, I've had that for years!

- Not with an entire football team.

- No, I'm a rugby man, mate.

Different shaped balls.

Because of his wife's alleged misconduct

in high places,

the President of the Republic has indicated

that the ambassador may be dismissed.

Because of the allegations,

the Soviet ambassador

sought political asylum in the Soviet Union...

I beg your pardon. That should read,

"The Soviet ambassador today was sent

to a political asylum in the Soviet Union."

The Prime Minister said today,

"There's nothing to deny.

What good is proof without the evidence?"

The American ambassador said,

"Why don't you (bleep) off

and mind your own (bleep) business?"

- Will you all stand back?

- Could you move back?

- Move back, please, sir. Thank you.

- Where's the ambassador?

- Where's Emmannuelle?

- Any statement?

The ambassador and his lady wife

have asked me to tell you they are not at home.

And even if they were,

the answer would be, "No comment."

Hey, butler. You're the butler.

You must have seen something.

Yeah, tell us what the butler saw!

- No comment.

- Is it true

that she had an affair

with the all the domestic staff except you?

Is that true?

That, sir, is quite untrue.

Ah, then the butler did do it!

(Laughter)

No comment.

Don't like Harold Hump. Can't stand him.

That's funny. He can't stand you, either.

- Will you be quiet and listen?

- All right.

Hello, good evening, good night and welcome.

Not since the Keeler affair, or Watergate

has public interest been so aroused

in the affairs of state.

I refer, of course, to the case

of Madame Emmannuelle Prevert.

(Cheering)

Sh!

Now Madame Prevert has consented,

and I use the word advisedly,

to be interviewed for the very first time.

(Applause and whistles)

- Madame Prevert.

- Pray-ver.

I beg your pardon.

Madame Prevert, thank you for allowing me

to set the record straight

- for our viewers.

- Not at all.

Will you now take this opportunity

to deny the allegations made against you?

Non.

You won't take the opportunity?

Or you won't deny them?

- Which?

- Both.

He won't catch madam.

Quite! Yeah.

Do you deny the allegations

that have been made against you?

No.

Don't you mean yes?

No, I mean no.

You don't deny the allegations at all?

No. Apart from a little embellishment,

they are substantially true.

You mean, you're not going

to deny the allegations?

Why should I?

- Everybody else has.

- That's their problem.

- That's telling 'em, girl.

- Go it, madam!

Shh!

Wait a minute. Let's get this straight.

Is it true or false that you actually had an...

affectionate encounter with the Prime Minister?

True. I remember it quite well.

I don't always remember everyone

I have an affair with, but I remember him.

He was very charming.

He sandwiched me in between

a cabinet meeting and a visit from the unions.

Of course, he was a little distracted.

I bet he was!

A bit? Ha, ha!

So would I be.

Do you mind?

What about the other people

mentioned in the press?

Oh, they were all a bit distracted.

Busy people usually are.

- Really?

- That is why,

on occasions, I have to resort to variations.

- Do you realise what you're admitting?

- Yes.

Would you like to take this opportunity

to express your regrets

- over these affairs?

- Non.

You don't deny them and you don't regret them?

Yes, I don't.

Do you have a sense of right and wrong?

Oh, yes.

- Then you'll admit you did wrong?

- No.

Have you no qualms about the fact that your

actions are likely to bring down the government?

- That's very unlikely.

- Really?

The papers omitted to mention I'd given

equal time to the Leader of the Opposition.

He sandwiched me between a meeting

of the shadow cabinet and a game of golf.

I bet he kept his eye on the ball!

Must be the only man

who got a hole in one on the 19th!

But why?

Why did you,

an ambassador's wife, do all this?

Can you think of any better way

of winning friends for your country?

Look...

Do you share the philosophy

of certain other ladies

who have said that

by making love to many people,

they are expanding the frontiers

of human relationship?

No. This is...

How you say?

...bullshit.

- (Laughter)

What about your husband?

Oh, he thinks it's bullshit, too.

What... what are you doing?

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