Carry On Emmannuelle Page #5

Certainly not! Not for you or anyone.

Why did you give yourself to me like that

in the Concorde?

You mustn't think that

because I made love to you

that you are entitled to any landing rights.

- I think I'd better go.

- Oh, you can stay if you wish.

I have a free morning.

My towel, please.

Now, look, I shall never make love to you again

until you promise your undying love for me.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

You can't tempt me again.

No?

Keep away from me.

- You said you love me.

- Yes, but I do.

Show me.

Theodore!

Oh, Theodore, you have wet yourself.

There we are, darling. All tucked in.

Nice and clean. Night-night.

Night-night, Mummy.

What are we going

to dream about tonight, darling?

Not her!

- Why not?

- Well, she'll only bring you trouble.

- Yes.

- Have you dreamt about her before?

Yes, often, night and day.

Oh, you are in a state.

- I dreamt about her last night.

- Did you?

No, she wouldn't let me.

I must ring Dr Jones.

What can he do?

Well, he can give you an injection

or... something.

What for?

- Well, for whatever you've got.

- I like what I've got.

Well, I don't.

And I'm going to do something about it.

Night-night, darling.

Now it's time for your afternoon

body-building session with Harry Hernia.

Now, this afternoon, I'm gonna show you

how to build up your stomach muscles.

I don't think I got any.

HARRY:
Are you ready?

EMILE:
I am all yours, Harry.

- You're at it again.

- So is he, listen.

HARRY:
Let's all lie down on the floor.

EMILE:
Ooh, it's very hard.

HARRY:
Now, raise your legs in the air.

EMILE:
Ooh, no, I feel it.

- Who's he got in there?

- I don't know. I can't see.

Loins.

What are you doing?

Um, er, I was just tying my shoelace, madam.

Yes, and I was helping him.

But, Loins, your shoes have no laces.

Oh, I...

Madam, I...

EMMANNUELLE:
I'm back.

Ah, yes, dear.

It's warm out.

You don't care what I do.

(Grunts)

Today...

Today I made love to 14 soldiers,

The Prime Minister announced

that the morale of the defence forces

has never been higher.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Why haven't your muscles

- developed like that?

- They will, eventually.

You'll never match that gorgeous hunk.

I don't expect to match him.

That's Harry Hernia.

He has the most highly developed

rectus femoris in the whole of Britain.

Has he?

Bye-bye this afternoon,

and don't forget your exercises.

Tonight they are going to proclaim him

Mr Super Muscle.

Do you know him?

Of course. Yes.

I have lessons from him in pumping iron.

- I think I would like to meet him.

- Whatever for?

Body building.

- Where do you sleep?

- On the mat.

- Where do you sit?

- Sitting's bad for the posture.

You either stand, squat, or lie down.

- Mind if I squat?

- Surely.

- Want something?

- Depends what you have in mind.

Drink, maybe.

Maybe.

OK.

Oxo or Bovril?

Don't you have something else?

Sure. How about a glass of milk?

No, thank you.

What do you want to do?

Depends what you... have in mind.

A work-out, maybe.

- A work-out?

- Sure.

What do you want me to do first?

Now come on, lady, let's take your clothes off.

Oh, can you help me with the zip?

Why, sure. Now let me get my things off.

Can I help you?

I can manage.

Now take a look at this.

It's a beaut, eh? What do you think of that?

Incroyable! I've never seen anything that big.

Now let's have a look at you.

Well, what's the verdict?

You definitely need more exercises.

How about making love?

Very good exercise.

Builds up your lumber,

and your rectus abdominus.

But it's off my training programme.

- Oh, that's a pity.

- Sorry, darling.

It's the Mr Muscles contest

and I want to win that title before I retire.

That'll make it a hat trick.

I'm determined to go out with a bang.

That's exactly what I had in mind.

Ambassador's residence.

Well, I'm sure that madam is asleep right now.

Very well, sir. Are you sure it's urgent?

Yes, well, hold on one moment, please.

(Clears throat) Madam?

Madam?

Wake up, madam. There is a call for you.

Madam, wake up, please. He says it's urgent.

Who is that?

Ah, Loins.

What is it?

Um, a phone call.

I believe it's a gentleman friend.

Tell him I'm out.

He already knows that you're in, madam.

(Sighs) Take a message.

I... I did.

- What was it?

- He says that he wants to speak to you.

Allo?

- Who is this?

- It's me.

Theodore. Are you alone?

- I'm in bed.

- Yes, but are you alone?

What do you want?

- I had to ring you.

- Why?

Because... I want to tell you that I love you.

You love me?

Oh, Loins.

- Pardon? What did you say?

- Oh, nothing.

I love you.

Theodore, you don't fall in love

with someone like me.

Why not?

It's out of character.

LYONS:
Ooh.

Loins!

- Loins? You called me Loins.

- I didn't call you Loins.

I called Loins Loins.

Is Loins... Is Lyons in bed with you?

Ah, no. He's just a butler. Don't be silly.

He brought me a cup of tea.

I want you to promise me to give up

all those men and come and live with me.

And Mother.

He wants me to promise

to give up all those other men

and come and live with him... and Mother.

I don't think that's a very good idea.

- Why not?

- I'm happy where I am.

How can you say that?

Nobody loves you like I do.

You're not in a position to refuse.

I'm in a position to do anything I want.

If you don't do what I ask,

I shall be forced to do something drastic.

(Both giggle)

Now you're laughing at me again.

Goodbye, Theodore.

Don't call us.

We'll call you.

Oh, come on, Loins. It's time to get up.

Very well, madam.

Emmannuelle, come along! You know that...

Emmannuelle, what on earth are you wearing?

You're the one who's always complaining

about me walking around uncovered.

I was hoping you would be ready.

I am, cheri. I'm always ready.

Let's go into the library.

Yes... I don't want to go into the library

to read books.

Neither do I.

We are supposed to be

attending an official function.

I don't want to go to your function.

I do not like your functions. They are all boring.

This is a football match. I am to present a cup.

A football match, with all those

young, healthy men with big thighs?

Hmm, but if you don't want to go,

I can't make you.

Oh, give me time to get changed.

What kept you?

(Cheering)

(Football rattles)

(Whistle)

(Cheering)

(Whistle)

Get out there, quick!

(Whistle)

Oi!

Come on. Get out. You're on.

(Whistle)

(Final whistle)

Where are the players?

(Supporters chant)

(Phone rings)

- Allo?

- Hello, Harry Hernia here.

Remember the other night?

Well, my trainer says it's OK until Friday,

so how about it?

- Where are you?

- I'll meet you in ten minutes

outside your garden gate.

Oh la la, Harry!

I know you are a big man, but this is ridiculous.

- Move!

- Must I? It's very nice like this.

Get in!

- Start the car.

- Theodore, what is this all about?

How do you know it's me?

Start the car.

I will not. I'm going to have dinner

with my husband and the Foreign Secretary.

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