Carry on Screaming! Page #4

Take that crate up to Sockett.

Do you understand?

Hm-hm.

And then go out

and get me another girl.

Gently does it.

We don't want it to arrive all broken.

Do we have to do

another one tonight?

I feel quite run down.

I'm afraid we must.

We're behind with the orders, as it is.

Oh. Well, I've just got time

for a quick... charge.

Yes, just do me up, will you?

Oh, luxury.

All right.

Orlando!

What are you doing?

You might have killed me.

I'm terribly sorry, but look.

Oddbod,

what are you doing back here?

- Haven't you noticed? He's naked.

- Of course I've noticed...

Oddbod! Oh, it's disgusting!

Put something on, you filthy beast.

Oh, isn't it sickening?

One never gets a minute's peace

around here.

What's the matter with you? Making

an exhibition of yourself like that!

Most uncivilised.

Orlando, this isn't Oddbod.

Of course it's Oddbod.

I ought to know.

I was the one that found his body

and brought him back to life.

No, it isn't.

It's Oddbod's finger.

This whole thing has been regenerated

from it.

The body cells have built themselves up

into the same form.

Good heavens! It's worse than rabbits.

Talk about pulling your finger out!

Orlando, did you do this?

Of course not.

I've never seen the thing before.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure!

Then someone else must have subjected

the finger to an electrical charge.

I don't like it.

Neither do I.

Let's face it - this thing is

getting bigger than both of us.

Who could that be?

I knew it! It's the police.

We're done for.

Oh, why did I ever meddle

in this horrible business?

I was happy enough as a simple

chemist, making my little liver pills.

They never did anyone any harm.

Well, not if taken in moderation.

Of course, if you overdid it...

Oh, for heaven's sake,

pull yourself together!

I'll see who it is.

You look after him.

It's all very well for her to say,

"Pull yourself together."

But I mean, look what happened

to Dr Frankenstein and Dr Jekyll.

I was at school with them.

Yes, they always pinched

my pocket money.

Said the change did them good.

I would like to see...

the master of the house.

I'm afraid my brother is resting.

Will I do?

Will you do... what, miss?

Perhaps you'd better come in.

There must be something

I can do for you.

That would be highly

co-operative of you, miss.

Will you come this way?

Do please sit down.

No.

Here.

We can make contact better.

Oh, and do call me Valeria.

Valeria, miss.

That is an unusual name.

You haven't told me your name.

Bung, miss. Sergeant Bung.

Bung? Bung!

Bung, Bung, Bung, Bung.

That's a very fitting name.

Yes. My first one is Sidney.

And what is it that you want...

Sidney?

A man was killed

under very mysterious circumstances

this morning.

And it appears he used to work

for you as a gardener.

Drowned, he was.

Drowned in a... couple of minutes.

Name of Dann.

Dan Dann, the...

Forgive me.

I just had to do that.

It's all right, miss.

We are hereto be of service

to the public.

Yes, but I don't think you're very

experienced in the ways of love.

If you want to know the way,

ask a policeman.

I find you very fascinating,

Sidney.

Would you show me your whistle?

Of course, miss.

It's not much of a one, I'm afraid.

Nonsense.

I think it's a beautiful one.

May I blow it?

The pea's gone.

I'm afraid I got overexcited once

and I breathed in.

Poor Sidney!

Go on.

Show me how you got overexcited.

I have come here, miss,

to perform a duty.

Well, get on with it.

I haven't got all night, you know.

If I could just have the answers

to some questions first.

Well, all right.

I'm sure I know all the answers.

I'm sure you do, miss.

You must learn to relax more,

Sidney.

Take things as they come.

Come on.

Sit beside me for a moment.

There you are.

See?

Now, that's much more comfortable,

isn't it?

Very much so, miss.

What must you think of me?

I'm such a terrible hostess!

I haven't offered you a thing.

I wouldn't say that, miss.

Do you drink?

Not on duty, miss.

- Do you smoke?

- Not on duty, miss.

Well, do you mind if I smoke?

No, of course not, miss.

Thank you so much.

And I was trying to give it up.

- Boo!

- Oh, good morning, Sergeant.

I didn't expect you so soon.

That's all right, Slobotham,

old chap.

Put your feet up. Carry on.

- Is anything wrong, Sergeant?

- No, everything's fine. Just fine.

- What's all this?

- Ah, this.

Well, I've been examining

the files on missing persons,

and I've discovered

a remarkable similarity amongst them.

Well, that's not so surprising,

Slobotham.

We buy all our files at the same shop.

No, I mean a similarity in cases,

Sergeant.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you don't want to bother

about the cases, Slobotham.

You ought to learn to relax more.

Take things as they come.

That's what gets results.

By the way,

how did you get on last night?

Very nicely.

Very nicely indeed.

- Then you did learn something.

- Not half.

I think I'm onto something good there.

Yes, I thought so.

I've always thought there was something

not quite right about that house, sir.

Something about Dann, was it?

- Who?

- Dan Dann.

Sergeant... are you all right?

Excuse me, Sergeant,

but you're wanted.

What for?

That Mr Potter's in trouble again.

Seems he's run amuck.

Wrecked a millinery shop

down the road.

Good for him!

Come on, Slobotham.

I've never seen anything like it before.

Completely wrecked my window...

and almost killed poor Mr Vivian here.

I had to draw the blinds!

I can't have that sort of thing

going on here.

Well, well, well.

What have you got to say about this?

It's her, I tell you. It's my Doris.

Oh, come on, now, Mr Potter.

It's only a dummy.

It is not a dummy! It's her.

All right, then. We'll take your word

for it that it looks like Doris.

It is Doris. Blimey, I ought to know.

I've been going out with her for a year.

Mr Potter, you just come over here

with me.

Now, does that sound like Doris?

Well, I don't know.

I've never hit her with a pipe.

Look! She's solid - like a rock.

Go on, feel it for yourself.

Go on, feel it.

Oh, she's all cold.

Wouldn't you be,

with nothing but your corsets on?

I've just remembered -

I might be able to prove it's Doris.

All right, Mr Potter.

How?

Well, Doris had a little birthmark

on her...

On her what?

Are you sure?

How do you know?

She told me.

All right, Mr Potter.

If it's going to make you happier,

go ahead and have a look.

What? In front of all these people?

What do you think I am?

Well, some fool's got to do it.

It isn't going to be me!

- Slobotham.

- Ah, Sergeant.

I've got a little job of investigating

for you.

- Oh, what-ho, Sergeant.

- Should be right up your street.

Go over and examine that dummy.

See if you can find a birthmark

about that big.

Right, Sergeant. Where is it?

There?

Oh, Sergeant. Do I have to?

You're a detective.

You should be able to tackle anything.

Detect.

Sergeant, I've covered every aspect

of police work,

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