Carry on Screaming! Page #7

- Eh?

We've got to make this look real.

You're not going to kiss me,

are you, Sergeant?

To the woods.

They've stopped the car

and have gone into the woods, ma'am.

Wait here.

Yes. This is the spot.

- Right. Get down.

- What for?

That's what Doris was doing

when she copped it.

- Well, I'm not copping it.

- Get down.

Wait a minute.

Ah!

- What's so funny?

- I was just thinking...

Supposing my wife could see me

now!

How do you expect anything

to come and have a go at you?

Look at you,

sitting there like a bag of nutty slack.

- I'm doing the best I can.

- It's not good enough!

Try and look a bit more... seductive.

- But I don't want to be seducted.

- Abandoned, then.

I'd sooner have the nutty slack.

What was that?

What was that?

I'm going to have a look.

You stay here.

Don't leave me, Sergeant!

Sergeant!

Oh, thank heavens

you're back, Sergeant. Oh...

What a smashing disguise!

Look at those teeth!

Grrr!

- Grrr!

- Grrr!

Help. Help!

One, two, three, four, five, six!

It wasn't me.

Get off!

Let go! Let go!

- Sergeant Bung!

- You...!

What do you want to scream

like that for?

- I didn't scream. I thought it was you.

- Slobotham!

Slobotham? Slow?

Slobotham?

Sergeant, look!

Well, no... no.

Blimey!

It's got Slobotham.

But I don't understand.

What would it want with men?

He's not a man. He's a woman.

Oh. I thought there was

something funny about him.

No, I meant he was dressed

as a woman.

And you don't think that funny?

Look, we tried to trap it,

whatever it was that got him.

Oh. It's going to get a bit of a shock

when it gets home, isn't it?

We've got to find Slobotham.

Footprints! Come on.

Now, this isn't going to hurt much.

Just a preparatory injection...

to get the old body cells going.

So, you be a brave mummy.

There.

Didn't hurt much, did it, hm?

Just a little prick.

Now, let's see what happens,

shall we?

Orlando?

Hello, Valeria.

Orlando, what are you doing?

Well, I just thought I'd have another go

at regenerating old Rubbatiti.

You know perfectly well it won't work.

He's been gone too long.

I thought, if I increase

the electrical charge...

Oh, don't let's waste time.

This is much more important.

Junior has brought one back.

We must vitrify her immediately.

Oh, dear. We never seem to have

any fun any more.

Is this the best you could do?

What am I expected to do with this?

It's a load of old rubbish.

I can sell it to Lacey's.

They deal exclusively

with fittings for the matronly figure.

Well, they'll have a fit

when they see this.

Don't waste time. Inject her.

Yes, well, the target area

is large enough.

The trouble is finding the bull.

Eeny, meenie, miney...

mo.

Ah! This one looks more like it.

Well done, Oddbod.

Very good!

What's happened to your ear?

Oh, yes, well, ear today,

gone tomorrow.

That's funny. The footprints stop here.

Unless it crossed the road.

- There's that house again.

- Come on. Let's see if they're all right.

You get the other one ready.

This one will be finished in an hour.

What is it?

What's the matter?

It's a M-A-N.

A man? How do you know?

Well, after all, I'm a doctor.

But it's impossible.

You must be wrong.

Well, of course,

if you want a second opinion...

Well, I don't understand.

Why should a man be dressed

as a woman?

I don't know. Perhaps

his parents wanted a girl.

What's that?

Don't panic.

I'll go and see who it is.

I want to see Miss Watt.

- I don't think that's possible.

- Oh, that's quite all right, Sockett.

Valeria, are you all right?

Well, yes, Sidney.

I was just going to bed.

- Don't!

- What?

Not on your own, I mean.

- I beg your pardon?

- I mean...

It's not safe, Valeria.

Another woman disappeared tonight.

- Really?

- I mean...

At least, not a real woman.

It was my assistant dressed

as a woman.

I see.

And whatever it was that took him,

it came this way.

- It?

- I think it was some sort of monster.

This... came off it.

- This ear?

- Yes. That there.

Now, lock all the doors.

I'll go to Grizzly for help.

No. Please stay with me.

Just for tonight, Sidney.

I couldn't do that. Could I?

I'd feel so safe

if you stayed with me.

Yes?

Just a minute.

Erm... Mr Potter.

I shall be... spending the night

with Miss Watt.

I don't blame you.

Yes.

Would you go back to the police station

and tell them what's happened?

- Oh, no. Mr Potter must stay too.

- Eh?

You are so big and strong,

you see.

Sockett? Show Mr Potter

and Sergeant Bung

to the waiting room, will you?

- The waiting room?

- It's the room next to mine.

There's a communicating door,

so that, if I should call...

I'll be there.

This way, please, gentlemen.

Are you out of your senses,

asking them to stay here?

What else could I do?

Sergeant Bung is getting too dangerous.

- We shall have to get rid of them.

- We can't get rid of them tonight.

What about the disposal of the bodies?

The dustmen don't come till Friday.

Well, it's not my fault.

They've both got to go.

Get Oddbod and Junior.

I can't. They're completely flat.

I've just put them on a recharge.

Well, in that case, Mr Clever,

we shall just have to use other means,

shan't we?

Oh, him.

Well, I suppose it's all right.

But it's an awfully dated method,

you know.

Fangs ain't what they used to be.

Spare me.

Hello, darling.

Well, if he's Sergeant Bung's assistant,

he ought to go too.

Why don't we do

what they did to your friend Dracula?

Drive a spike through his heart.

No. I don't really feel

like driving tonight.

Shame... I know!

Why don't we start a new line

in male dummies for the tailor shop?

I say! What a good idea!

If they can fit him,

they can fit anyone.

Well, get Oddbod and Junior up.

I'll get the woman out of the vat,

and we'll do him next.

Right!

Do you mind?

What do you mean, do I mind?

Stop poking me in the back.

Me poking you in the back?

I like that!

Yeah, well, I don't. I get too much

of that from the old woman.

Keep yourself to yourself.

- And the same to you.

- Good night!

That does it!

You've had enough, mate?

What about me?

That's the trouble.

I don't know about you.

I'm going to spend the rest of the night

sleeping on the floor.

- Arrgh!

- It's all right. Keep calm.

- What's that?

- They must have shot the snake.

- As long as it wasn't the cat.

- Come on.

Why all the panic?

The snake's dead.

There's something funny

about this place,

and I'm not laughing.

I'm getting out of here.

- All right, then, go.

- Don't you worry, mate. I'm going.

You changed your mind,

have you?

There's something out there.

What?

I don't know, but whatever it is,

there's two of it.

- Oh, you're imagining things.

- No.

All right, then. I'll have a look.

There you are. Look.

Aaaarghh!

Let's get out of here!

Hurry!

Come on!

It's jammed. Quickly.

Down the stairs.

- Where are we?

- How should I know?

Ah! There's a door.

Go after them! Don't let them

get away, you silly things!

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