Catch-22 Page #5

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- I wanna know about that parachute.

- What parachute?

The one I use if I need

to jump out of the plane.

That parachute! You have

to remember that your parachute

was just one of 50 or 60 parachutes

taken over by the Syndicate.

I don't care about the Syndicate.

I don't want your tomatoes!

They're not my tomatoes, they're the

Syndicate's tomatoes. Our tomatoes.

Just as these are our statues.

In fact, that's where

all the parachutes went.

You traded my parachute for statues?

No, in point of fact. I traded

our diesel engines for the statues.

- I don't have any engines!

- I said "our", not "your".

I got the engines

for two planeloads of lumber,

and the parachutes.

The men aren't gonna be happy

about what you've been doing.

Don't they understand? We're gonna

come out of this war rich.

You're gonna come out rich.

We're gonna come out dead!

- What does he want?

- Who?

Hungry Joe.

- What is the matter?

- I got a feeling.

- I think it is.

- What?

- Come on.

- What is it?

I don't know

but if it's what I think it is...

It's just McWatt.

The bastard's been doing it to me

for months. He's jealous of her.

- Because she likes you better?

- She likes him better.

- Why doesn't she go out with him?

- Because she can't stand him!

- Good old McWatt.

- Why?

He's carrying me on his manifest.

Every time he goes up,

he files my name as a passenger.

I get my flight pay

without having to go up in a plane.

- Look!

- What is he saying?

He's coming back!

- Who was it?

- Hungry Joe.

We'll have to requisition

a new photographer from Group.

Is there anything

I can do?

McWatt's still up there.

- Doc Daneeka's up there, too.

- I'm right here.

Come on down, McWatt.

Probably afraid to come down.

He knows the trouble he's in.

He cut his engine.

Why doesn't Daneeka jump?

He's got a chute.

I'm right here, Sergeant.

I'm not in the plane.

Jump, Doc, jump!

Jump. Jump, Doc...

Please, jump.

Jump. Jump!

Poor Hungry Joe.

- Poor McWatt.

- Poor Doc.

Poor Doc.

I'll need a full report on this,

Captain Yossarian.

I haven't seen you in some time.

Not since...

Snowden's funeral.

- Do you want to say something, sir?

- What?

I just wondered

if you wanted to say anything.

No, I didn't actually know

the young fellow.

It was his first mission.

Did you know him, Danby?

I don't think I ever heard the name.

What was it?

Snowden, I think.

I'll just read something.

Yes, you do that.

- Something wrong?

- No, I just thought I saw something.

- A naked man in a tree?

- Yes, that's it.

That's just Yossarian.

Well, in that case...

"The Lord is my shepherd.

"I shall not want. He maketh me

to lie down in green pastures..."

- I've been looking all over for you.

- You should've looked for me here.

I don't want to butt in, but why

aren't you wearing your uniform?

I don't want to.

I want you to do something for me.

I want to serve this to the men.

Taste it and let me know

what you think.

- What is it?

- Chocolate-covered cotton.

- Are you crazy?

- No good?

- You didn't take the seeds out!

- Is it really that bad?

- It's cotton!

- They've got to learn to like it.

- Why?

- I saw an opportunity

to corner the market in cotton.

I didn't know there'd be a glut.

I've got warehouses full of it

all over Europe.

People eat cotton candy. This is

better, it's made out of real cotton.

- People can't eat cotton!

- They've got to, for the Syndicate.

It will make them sick. Try it

yourself if you don't believe me.

I did, and it made me sick.

Look at that. Looks like a funeral.

They're burying the kid

that got killed in my plane.

- What happened to him?

- He got killed.

- What?

- I said he got killed.

I'm sorry.

- He was your friend?

- Maybe. I don't know.

- He was very old.

- But he was a boy.

He died.

You don't get any older than that.

- Where do you work?

- I'm not a whore.

I didn't say you were.

- I work in big American company.

- Me, too!

- You want to see me again? Why?

- Why not?

You think I'm beautiful?

- I think you're perfect.

- That's not true.

It is true.

See this?

- Jesus, how did you...?

- Air raid.

- Germans?

- Americani.

You do not want me now?

What are you talking about?

I want you now.

- I want you to marry me.

- You crazy.

- Why?

- You can't want to marry me.

- Why not?

- I'm not a virgin.

- So?

- Nobody wants a girl who isn't.

- I do. I wanna marry you.

- Not possible.

- Why not?

- Because you're crazy.

- Why am I crazy?

- Because you want to marry me.

You won't marry me because I'm crazy.

I'm crazy because I wanna marry you?

- You're crazy.

- Why?

Because I love you.

How can you love a girl

who is not a virgin?

Because I can't marry you.

Why you can't marry me?

Because I'm not a virgin?

- No, because you're crazy!

- You're crazy!

- You all crazy!

- Why are we crazy?

Because you don't know

how to stay alive

and that's the secret of life.

But we have a war to win.

But America will lose the war.

Italy will win it.

America's the strongest nation

on earth.

The American fighting man

is the best trained,

the best equipped, the best fed...

Italy, on the other hand, is one

of the weakest nations on earth

and the Italian fighting man

is hardly equipped at all.

That's why my country is doing so

well while yours is doing so poorly.

That's silly! First Italy was

occupied by Germans and now by us.

- You call that doing well?

- Of course I do.

The Germans are being driven out

and we are still here.

In a few years, you'll be gone

and we'll still be here.

Italy is a very poor, weak country

yet that is what makes us so strong,

strong enough to survive this war

and still be in existence

long after your country

has been destroyed.

What are you talking about?

America's not going to be destroyed.

- Never?

- Well...

Rome was destroyed.

Greece was destroyed.

Persia was destroyed.

Spain was destroyed.

All great countries are destroyed.

Why not yours?

How much longer do you think

your country will last? Forever?

- Forever is a long time, I guess.

- Very long.

- Please, we're talking.

- We go to bed now?

Would you go put some clothes on?

You're practically naked.

I wish she wouldn't

walk around like that.

It is her business

to walk around like that.

- But it's not nice.

- Of course it's nice.

She's nice to look at.

This life is not nice.

I don't want her to do this.

- When we go to America, Nately?

- When we go to America, Nately?

You will take her to America?

Away from a healthy, active life?

Away from good business

opportunities? Away from her friends?

- Don't you have any principles?

- Of course not.

- No morality?

- I'm a very moral man.

And Italy is a very moral country.

That's why we will certainly

come out on top again

if we succeed in being defeated.

- You talk like a madman.

- But I live like a sane one.

I was a Fascist

when Mussolini was on top.

Now that he has been deposed,

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