Catching Feelings Page #2

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What cute grandchildren you have.

What cute grandchildren."

- Anyway, guess what I'm doing this week.

- What?

I finally got that interview

with Herbert Gwala.

Wow, well done!

- I was hassling his people for two months.

- I know, I was here.

I was here when you were hassling there.

They finally agreed. I'm meeting him

at his house for the interview.

His house?

No. He's gonna try to shag you. Obviously.

You know, I was reading up about him.

He's an alchemist.

He turns women into wives and fuckbuddies.

He's gonna totally try to shag you.

I could just whore myself to him

for a couple of million, Max.

You never know.

He'll say, "Oh, here, babies.

Here's a diamond mine.

Can I f*** you now?"

Then I say, "Yes, Pootie.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

That's the spirit.

Taking one for the team.

Squashing overdrafts.

Yeah, right. You should get going. Okay.

- Love you.

- Get out of here.

Get out of here, you diamond mine whore.

I'm putting moneyintoa microbrewery

with some students.

- You interested?

- No.

Sounds like hipster nonsense.

Quickest way to lose your cash.

And you know nothing about beer.

Besides, money's pretty tight in my life.

- Might even have to sell the house.

- That's heavy.

- Why not ask your brother to bail you out?

- No.

You're crazy. I'm not asking

my little brother for cash.

Are you serious?

I don't think you comprehend

how big he is.

Rolling Stone have him on their list

of most promising acts of the year.

Is it local Rolling Stone? It must be.

Hating on your own blood?

No. Hating on your own blood?

Write another book.

You'll get a fat advance.

Everything will be sorted.

- It's a local Rolling Stone, right?

- What difference does it make?

And as the sun was setting,

casting a golden glow over the garrison,

he emerged from the hole covered in dust,

carrying her lifeless body.

He dropped the body.

He turned to them

and he said what he had said before.

He cocked his Glock,

and he said, "Let this be a lesson

to all y'all swarm of b*tches.

I said this before.

I'm gonna say it again.

You can't make a ho a housewife.

And if any of y'all beg to differ,

you can suck on these nuts."

Boom!

Thanks.

Thanks, Mr. Edwards. That was...

expletive-ridden to say the least.

And there's a complete looting

of Hollywood lines and...

verses from rap songs.

The piece is meant to be an adaptation

of various things

which serve the same theme.

Like a meta-adaptation, if you may.

Okay.

What does everybody else think?

- Mr. Khumalo, take it away.

- You know...

I'm offended. You know?

The rampant use of the N word.

N word this, N word that.

It's an N word festival in here.

- What's happening?

- That was used in context, I assure you.

These characters would say that.

Anybody else?

Ms. Mogale, what do you think?

Ms. Mogale's my mother. It's Kabelo.

Touch.

What did you think, Kabelo?

I thought it sucks.

Is that all we're going to get? It sucked?

It's just such an obvious example

of cultural appropriation,

with no sense of irony.

It's like you thought we'd forget

that you're a white male

using your privilege

to exploit black culture.

I'm mean... it's unacceptable.

While taking liberties to drop a few

N bombs here and there. We see you.

All right, cool.

Let's pick on the white guy, right?

Let's pick on the white guy.

Okay, guys. Let's pick it up next time.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Matshane. Sorry, I mean, Max.

I wanted to say thatBlossoms of the Roses

is my favorite book.

It's the reason

I wanted to become a writer.

Just really beautiful and layered

and kind of amazing.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

This is something I've been working on

for a while now.

- All right.

- Your feedback would mean everything.

- Do you mind reading it?

- Of course.

- I'll read it and get back to you.

- Thank you.

- It's quite big. There's a lot.

- Well, I write a lot.

- Okay.

- Well, thanks and everything.

Are you going to the Heiner Miller talk?

- I might.

- So maybe I'll see you there?

Okay.

Okay, bye.

Do you think that the N word

in South Africa is as offensive?

If you heard a white person say it,

would you be offended

or would you think

they're trying to be down?

- Well, it depends.

- On what?

If a white guy came up to me and said,

"What's up my nigga?"

I'd be annoyed, but I'd let it slide.

But if I overheard him say,

"There are too many niggas in here,"

I'd be compelled to punch him.

But would it rouse as strongan emotion

as the K word?

No. The K word is completely off-limits.

There is no justifiable reason for anyone,

black or white,

to use the K word.

- I'm way too horny for this place.

- Tell me about it.

What do you mean? You get to have

regular intercourse with a hot woman.

I know, but the girl in my class there...

We're talking belter extraordinaire.

She smells so good.

When she was standing next to me,

I literally had a semi-erect penis.

If she said, "Let's do it right now,

in the library," I'd be conflicted.

But let me take this moment to remind you

of how our dear friend and comrade

Lennox Papo

was busted from this place

for succumbing to the loins...

not even the loins,

the juicy loins, of his students.

- Don't forget Lennox Papo.

- Yeah. I'll never cheat on my wife.

Especially with a student. No.

Yeah, but you had location just now.

Yeah, it's hypothetical.

But Lennox though.

- Lennox.

- Lennox was too reckless.

I am overwhelmed with the warm reception

back in the country of my birth.

And also to see the talent and enthusiasm

that still lives and works here.

You wouldn't think so to look at me

with my rugged looks and sexy physique.

I am actually quite old.

So, I'd be very happy if I've been able

to inspire at least some of you

to follow your creative paths.

Because...

- What do you think of this guy?

- He's lived, man. We're sleeping.

I'm just tired of this bleeding heart,

white liberal view

on the "African plight."

It's so condescending, Man.

What you said right there,

I'm tired of that.

That is tired.

This guy's got the Booker Prize.

Yeah, but when his freedom came,

why did he run off to Australia?

Come on.

Gonna give yourself a heart attack

with all this hating.

Not hating, it's just...

You were given a gut.

Now you need to trust that f***ing gut.

Because that,

combined with a capacity for hard work,

is the only thing

that you are going to need.

I thought he said he was finishing.

Or a PhD in Creativity.

So go, create!

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

- Do we really have to do this?

- I want to. You can wait outside.

So I told you about Sam's thing

that I'm going to tonight.

What is it?

Some painter's wife

is having a fundraiser.

And you know how it is with Sam,

she's a proper social butterfly.

So I'm essentially going to be on my own.

So I'm extending you an invitation.

Last night was heavy, man.

I want to have an early night,

- get some sleep.

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