Catching Feelings Page #3

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- There'll be single women.

Sorry.

- Want to meet the big guy?

- Yes.

Heiner, sorry,

I want to introduce you to someone.

This Max Matshane,

also in the English Department.

He does Creative Writing

with the postgrads.

- Big fan.

- I've heard that name.

Blossom of the Roses.

Yes.

I make it a point to seek out

promising African writers.

Are you working on something?

I just want to say what an honor it is

to be in the presence

of a literary giant.

Well, thanks.

This is a moment to behold.

You've made us proud. Very proud.

- Shall I...?

- Oh, please, yeah.

- Thanks, Clive.

- Sure, Joel.

- Thank you. To Joel, yeah.

- J...

"J-O..." I mean, yeah.

- Thank you. Good luck.

- Thank you so much.

Thank youand I hope you enjoyyour stay.

- No, I will.

- Thank you very much.

Nice.

I'll see you.

Thanks, Max, thanks for coming through.

Sorry.

You might want to wipe that poo

off your lips, from all that ass-licking.

"I read your book.

You've made us proud."

What the hell? "You've made us proud."

Giving props to an African writer.

Giving props where props are due.

But he... he read my book.

Hey.

Wow, babe. I really love Braam.

We should get a place here and stay here.

I don't know.

I don't know. It's just...

I just hate the fact that

just a few years ago,

white people were too scared

to come out here,

and now they're out here overcharging us

for steaks and real estate.

It's not right, man.

Why must you racialize everything?

It's so unnecessary.

I racialize everything

because I'm South African.

It's my culture. It's how I was made.

Sure, sure.

I think I have some change.

Twenty rand? No. Wait.

- Max. Just give it to him.

- Are you crazy? No.

Why are you giving him 20 bucks?

What's wrong with you?

You think you're helping

but he'll buy glue with that money.

He's gonna buy tik and stuff like that.

Trust me. You're nice, we appreciate you,

but there you are not helping.

- So this guy was given a black child.

- What?

- Your wife cheated with a black guy?

- No, no.

You remember how, before we got pregnant,

we were going to adopt?

Well, that process continued

and we didn't want to stop it.

You didn't want to stop it

or you couldn't stop it?

No, we didn't want to stop it.

Really? I know how hard it was

for you guys to get pregnant.

And did it not cross your mind, like,

"We're having a proper white baby now.

We don't need this other one"?

- Why would you say that?

- We're just talking. I'm just asking.

You know what, f*** you.

I'm going to hang with other people.

Good luck with this a**hole.

- No. Miles.

- What's wrong with you?

- What's wrong with you?

- I think he took it a bit too personally.

- I mean...

- But seriously though.

Seriously, why is it always that, like,

white people are always adopting

black babies?

- So what? We must all stick to our own?

- No, on the contrary,

I'm just looking out for

all those impoverished white babies

that are always overlooked

by billionaire celebrities

going for the babies of other cultures

or other races.

- Vietnamese babies, Indian babies.

- I think...

You'll find there's a long waiting list

for white babies. I've looked into it.

Are you telling me

that white babies are quite rare?

Impoverished white babies

are like diamond babies.

What do you think of this place?

Too Joburg.

And I hate it when people ask you

what you do

and as soon as they realize

you don't make a million bucks a second,

you see their eyes drifting off. You know?

It's just... Do you know how many times

I've had conversations that end abruptly,

as soon as I say I teach English?

Why don't you tell people you're a writer?

It's a bit more sexy.

Because I haven't written in a long time.

It feels like I'm an impostor.

Here's the thing. I'm having a good time.

Please contain your negative vibes.

- Women can sense negative vibes.

- What negative vibes?

These negative vibes.

"I haven't written in a long time.

I teach English." Just keep it contained.

- All right. Okay. Cheers.

- Okay?

Yeah?

You see, there.

She looks like she's having a great time.

She's always having a great time.

It's none of my business, but I bet

you have to keep her happy in bed.

- I never go down on women, but I bet you...

- None of your business.

- It might become my business.

- I wouldn't. Never.

So, this is my husband.

Your husband.

I've heard so much about you. Max.

- What is it you do?

- I'm a writer.

You have to meet my husband,

he's an avid reader.

- You two would just hit it off.

- I can imagine.

And this is Joel.

Hello, Joel. What is it that you do?

I'm an economist.

An economist, wow. Tell me more.

See? It's like rock, paper, scissors.

- Economist beats writer.

- No, that's not true.

Look, listen.

- Do you want to have a joint?

- You have one?

- What's he got?

- Let's squeeze out.

Don't ask me.All number of books

on things mathematical

I don't really care about.

But Joel, have you met everyone?

- Wow.

- Let me give you the tour.

Macroeconomics?

YOLO.

What are you doing?

- No.

- Alcoholic breath.

What... What right...

- Relax. Please let me handle this.

- I think we should pay them.

I am not paying a bribe. I refuse.

Hey, I said I've got this.

It's fine, officer.

Sorry.

- Do you mind not shining that in my face?

- Do you mind if I do my job?

Know the penalty for drinking and driving?

You can't arrest me for drunken driving

without abreathalyzer.

Take him to the police station. Now.

- Can you give me your full name, please?

- My full name?

Suzet?

What the f***?

- Just go.

- I said I'd handle it.

Go!

F***.

Serious bullshit.

Good morning.

Babe, my head.

- What are you watching?

- My brother's nonsense.

Can you believe this has

eight million views?

What the hell?

Is that the new one?

Yeah, it's pretty out there, right?

Yeah I remember when I was the out there

one in the family.

- You're still pretty out there.

- Thanks.

Did we use a condom?

- I think so. We always use condoms.

- What do you mean, you think so?

Because we're the condom tribe.

The Durex shares are up because of us.

You do know it's pretty lame

that we only bone when we're very drunk.

Because sober sex is overrated.

Sober sex...

We used to have great sober sex

all the time.

But then we also had awesome drunk sex.

Really, was it "out there"? The sober sex?

- It was really out there.

- Was it like "out there"?

"Out there" out there?

Sorry. Sorry.

But the truth is, I miss Johannesburg.

I love this city.

I can remembergoing drinking,

way back, with Grant Phiri.

No way, Grant Phiri, Grant Phiri?

I used to work for his paper.

The same.

So we would stay there late night,

way past the curfew.

And I would make sure that he was driving.

So if the cops stopped us,

I'd say, "No, it's okay, he's my driver."

Don't know how we got away with it.

We were driving this old Beetle.

- We're both totally drunk.

- I cannot imagine Grant Phiri drunk.

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