Catching Feelings Page #6

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- Tea?

- Okay.

- Nice to see you.

Nice to see you too. Joel?

- Bye.

- Bye.

Don't worry.

Is everything okay?

- Do I not do it for you?

- No, you totally...

You totally do it for me.

Okay, I'll be back.

Just give me a second.

- I can help you.

- No, it's good. I'm fine.

- Maybe you just need some more time.

- I'm good.

- I'm sure I can help you.

- It's fine.

Ah, man.

What the f***?

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

- What now? What's going on?

- Is he gonna be okay?

- I think he had a heart attack.

- Heiner! Do you know what he took?

- We don't know.

- Call an ambulance!

F***, f***, f***.

- Do something. Sh*t.

- Oh, my God!

If he's gonna go home tomorrow,

he'll need full-time care.

- Does he have family in Johannesburg?

- I... I don't think so, no.

- Gonna have to contact the university.

- No, I'll do that.

I'm going on a detox.

- How was the book launch?

- It was fine.

And...

- You're fine with him staying with us...

- I've already said it's fine.

Okay.

Waiter, can we get the bill please?

Oh.

So we're done. Good to know.

I just assumed that...

We can stay if you want.

No.

You've already decided we're leaving.

I'm just a mere mortal.

The decision can be undone.

Waiter, on second thought,

can we please have two more coffees?

Now you just assume I want coffee.

- What? Okay, waiter...

- No, it's fine, we'll have coffee.

It's in your culture

to decide for women what they want.

- Jesus Christ.

- I can't even pick my own drink.

- I will have the damn coffee.

- I'm sorry.

- What are you sorry for?

- For being a patriarchal bastard.

- Maybe.

- Look who's here.

- Look who's here.

- Well, thank you.

- Oh, hey.

- Oh, hi.

I seem to be bumping into everyone

this morning. It's like...

- the new hotspot.

- That's crazy.

I was just coming to buy some plants

for my house. And then...

And I was taking a walk.

- Where were you last night?

- Long story.

So.

- It was lovely bumping into you.

- Yeah.

I'm going to get on

with my plant shopping.

And I will call you later.

- Nice.

- Bye.

Bye.

You guys look great and...

You know, you gotta let the feet move.

Bye, Joel.

What's going on?

- I think those two are dating.

- Isn't she married?

- Yes.

- No.

Call me.

I hope you guys like chili

because I love chili.

- We love chili.

- We love spicy food.

I want to say, I'm really grateful

for letting me intrude in your house.

- You're not intruding.

- You're not intruding at all.

What's the world coming to?

You have one isolated case

of Viagra-induced cardiac arrest

and they want to put you

in an old-age home.

I noticed you guys don't have kids.

Is that the plan?

Not that you have to.

But it's kind of the norm

for people your age.

We're planning to have kids.

At least one, right?

Excuse me.

- Did you ever get married or have kids?

- No kids. My career took over.

- Before I knew it, I was over the hill.

- You're not over the hill.

You're on the hill

looking down on all of us.

I feel like I'm gonna be

under the hill soon.

- But you were in love at least, right?

- Yeah.

I was in a long relationship once

with a guy I met at Varsity.

No.

Then I met my first wife.

Shame. Broke his heart.

- Then she broke mine.

- Talk about bucking the trend.

It's all in my book,Ongeluk.

Except I changed him into a black woman.

I figured,

South African audience at that time

wouldn't be able to digest

a gay love story.

But an interracial love story

was even worse.

I didn't know that about the book

and I've read it twice.

That's interesting.

- Twice?

- I didn't know that.

You all right?

Fine. Just have this pain

that's been there for a week.

- Show me.

- Under the blade.

- Great, stand up straight.

- Okay.

This Cambodian monk told me

this pressure point. There?

Yeah. A bit harder.

I think the soup is ready.

That's much better, actually.

You just have to uncork

another bottle of wine

and I will regale you

with tales of my misadventures.

I think we've had enough wine

for many nights.

It might be too dangerous

with your medication.

You're right, it would be very dangerous.

Lucky I haven't taken any of the pills.

I guess we'll have more wine.

- Drink!

- Are you crazy?

You know...

I haven't almost died for quite a while.

And the last time, it was intentional.

- Everybody was doing it.

- What do you mean?

This time...

it's different.

It's because I'm getting old.

- No, it's because you party too hard.

- Too hard for what?

For my age. You can say it.

So, you and Max were talking about Viagra.

The snoring lion awakes.

Look at his face.

Hello, baby.

- What time is it?

- What did you say?

Come on.

Sam, come on.

No.

Baby, he said I have crazy hair.

Hey!

You know if those students squeal,

you could lose your job.

Lennox Papo.

You live some other kind of life.

He's staying with you now?

- Aren't you going to Cape Town soon?

- Yep.

- Your wife's cool with this?

- It would seem so.

At least you can say

you had a literary giant stay.

Use it in conversation.

Tell me about the girl.

I don't know, man.

I think I should tell Sam about it.

I'm so wrecked with guilt.

I'm not used to this.

- I don't know.

- No.

Bad idea.Leave your wife out of it.

Nothing happened.

Nothing happened.

- It will probably hurt her as well, right?

- Exactly.

You don't want that.

Okay, you're right.

The one and only time I took cocaine,

it had the opposite effect.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I was going all night.

Thought my heart would explode.

Are you familiar with "crushing p*ssy"?

I get the picture, yes.

Sorry to be so raw,

but that's an apt description.

It's the collision between two people.

- It's like...

- I get it. I get it, thanks.

Max, Sam,

let's just understand the difference

between these two policies.

Disability cover.

You're covered

if you're physically incapacitated.

You'll be looked after.

Life cover on the other side.

God forbid, one of you should die,

your loved ones will be looked after.

All right.

All we need are the names

of the beneficiaries for now.

This is hectic.

Obviously, I'll put Sam.

- If anything happens to me.

- Naturally. That's good.

Sam?

Um...

I'd like to put my brother Joey down.

- Joey?

- Joey, yeah.

Wait, wait.

If anything happens to me, you benefit,

but if something happens to you,

God forbid,

your brother takes everything.

How is that fair?

It's not unusual. It's not about fairness.

It's about your needs.

Your beneficiary's needs.

Really?

We could discuss this somewhere else.

- Not here.

- It's happening now, right?

- This is what's happening.

- Fine.

But you know

my brother's wheelchair-bound.

Wheelchair-bound.

And if something happens to me,

I don't know

who's going to take care of him.

Open another life policy for each other.

Your brother's been milking

this wheelchair-bound crap for decades.

With all due respect, he's able-bodied

when it comes to drinking whisky.

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