Central Intelligence Page #3

Let's just go to another table.

Get your jacket. Let's go.

- No, we're not gonna go anywhere.

- Listen to your p*ssy friend.

Those gym muscles

aren't scaring anybody, pal.

- Oh, these?

- Let's just go. It's okay.

No, we're not gonna go.

This man insulted you.

And we're not gonna leave

until he apologizes.

- It's okay.

- Hey, we got a problem here?

- No, no.

- Yeah, we got a big problem.

Your friend, here,

really insulted my friend

and he needs to apologize.

I don't think he does.

He doesn't.

Oh, you know what, man?

I think this whole situation's

getting a little out of control.

I can fix this whole thing.

I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions."

It's got four cheeses!

Let's eat 'em together.

You know what? You take them.

Let's go.

Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet.

This whole thing will be over in a jiff.

Hey, how about this?

Why don't you and your boyfriend

apologize to Big Rick here

and then go jerk each other

in the parking lot?

That's a lot...

Yeah. You're right, CJ.

That's a lot of homophobia

coming out of a very angry man.

You need to go get that looked at

by a trained professional.

But, since you have

escalated this whole scenario

by bringing what I can only assume

is an unlicensed firearm

into this public place,

endangering the lives

of all these innocent people,

I can no longer,

in good conscience, walk away

and jerk anyone off in the parking lot.

I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere.

It's time for you to get out of here, pal.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's four of us, tough guy.

Yeah. I got that.

All right. Before this whole thing goes down,

you should know one thing about me.

What's that?

I don't like bullies.

Let's go, Jet.

Yes.

Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic.

Oh, my God!

What the hell was that?

Bob, that was amazing!

I've never seen anything like that!

You took the one guy,

you hit him like this.

He couldn't breathe.

I sat there, I'm looking at him...

You talkin' to him like,

"I don't like bullies."

I was like, "That's not a good line."

But it was!

I didn't even know you could fight!

You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack,

and it totally worked!

You were like Jason Bourne,

man, but with jorts!

How did you do that?

Where'd you learn that stuff?

I took a couple classes at work.

I hope I didn't go too far.

I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet.

Ruin my night?

No! It was the coolest thing ever, man!

- Really?

- Yes!

To see my boy go in and whoop ass

on those idiots back there.

Dude, that was amazing!

Wait, we're boys?

Yeah, we boys.

Wow. I...

Never had a boy.

- That's awesome! Come here!

- Oh, wait.

Stop. What's going on, man?

- I'm a hugger!

- What're you doing?

Hey! I got an idea.

Let's roll. Here's my bike.

Wait. That's your bike?

Yeah. Kawasaki 800!

I know what the bike is.

I had the same bike in high school, man.

- You still ride?

- No, man.

I haven't ridden a bike in years!

Come on, let's roll.

Where? Where you trying to go?

I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet.

You know, why not? Why not?

After this... Yeah, okay!

Let's roll.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow!

Bob, hey, hey!

God, this is so crazy, man.

This brings back so many memories.

I don't know, CJ.

I mean, high school

wasn't easy for me, man.

I don't know if you know this,

but I didn't have many friends back then.

What?

- Really?

- No.

I don't know why I thought...

True story.

Man, I thought high school

was gonna be like Sixteen Candles

and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald.

Sure, things were difficult

in the beginning, but then, by the end,

everything worked out.

And Jake Ryan picked her up

in that red Porsche.

What-what?

You ever see that movie?

I'm black, so I don't know the...

You gotta see it, dude.

Total classic.

It's my favorite all-time movie.

Then I realized high school

was nothing like Sixteen Candles.

And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald.

Yeah, well, depends on who you ask.

That's the thing. For me, I...

What's going on?

Oh, wow.

Hey, man, I just wanna say that

I'm really sorry

about what Trevor and those guys

did to you back then.

No biggie. I don't even

think about it anymore. No.

Okay, good.

Yeah. Here's the secret.

You know what I did, Jet?

I took all that stuff

and I balled it up real tight

and then I shoved it way down deep.

And I just pretty much ignore it.

You know, that sounds

really unhealthy, Bob.

Hey, I gotta tell you.

You were the only one

who helped me out that day.

In the gym? Remember that?

And you gave me your letterman's jacket!

Hey, not for nothing,

but I never got that jacket back, man.

Huh!

Really? Strange.

Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you

for what you did for me that day.

That was really cool of you, Jet.

Stop, man.

It was the right thing to do, you know?

- You wanna hear something weird?

- What?

I have not been naked since that day.

I mean, not in front of anyone.

Never.

So, you're telling me

that for the last 20 years,

you've never been seen

in your birthday suit?

- No.

- So, what about when you have sex?

I keep it pitch-black,

just like Vin Diesel.

What?

You know I've been wondering,

whatever happened to Trevor anyway?

Did he get hit by a bus

or ripped apart by dogs

or die slowly of anything?

No. No, no.

He's a bigtime investment banker downtown.

- Oh, hey, cool.

- Yeah.

Good for him, man.

Hey, Bob, look,

if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.

So I don't mind, you know?

I don't mind at all, if you wanna...

What?

Whoa.

This is all our stuff from our year!

Yeah. Must be getting ready

for the reunion tomorrow night.

Come on, man. Let's get out of here.

What? No! "Get out..."

Look, you're all over this!

Look at this.

Basketball, baseball, cross country.

Hamlet.

Prom King.

There's Darla McGuckian.

This is like the Guinness Book

of Golden Jet Records right there.

I see that.

To be honest with you,

I don't even recognize this guy anymore.

This guy, here, he was gonna...

He was gonna conquer the world.

If 18-year-old me could see me now,

he'd probably think I was a total loser.

What? That's crazy talk!

- You're The Golden Jet, dude!

- Stop.

Stop, Bob. Spare me

with The Golden Jet sh*t.

I'm not The Golden Jet, man.

I'm an accountant.

That's my reality.

I just thought

I was meant for more, you know?

My life would be something special.

You know how they say every man

is the hero of his own story?

Was that in Twilight?

No, I don't think that's where it's from.

But those books are cool, right? Vampires!

And there's a wolf-boy.

I'm not... I'm not talking

about Twilight, Bob, okay?

I'm talking about the fact that

I don't feel like

I'm the hero of my own story. That's...

How are you not the hero

of your own story?

No one else can be!

Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man.

I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner

not feeling like he's a hero...

That's crazy talk, man.

No. No, it's not.

You were the best thing about high school.

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