Central Intelligence Page #8

These international accounts

can be very, very tricky

if you don't have the right clearances.

You can get a bunch of digital red tape.

I'm happy to help, you know?

Robbie.

You're such a blast from the past, buddy.

How long has it been since I saw you?

Was it high school?

What's that?

Um... How we doing

with those account access codes?

- Are they coming?

- It's coming.

- Everything's good?

- It's coming.

I'm going as fast as I can. I know

you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry.

Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs.

Speaking of which, you guys are going

to the reunion tonight, right?

No, I don't think so.

You're both going.

Here it is.

Here's your transaction number.

You're both going

because you want to know what?

Stinky Pete's going to be there.

And Jimmy Longballs called me.

He's going to be hanging.

Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll.

He's going to be there.

You guys will be missing out on a big one.

Plus you know what they're going to do?

They're going to vote on

homecoming king and queen again.

Maybe you and Maggie

can make it two for two.

Now, before you go,

stay seated one second.

Give me two minutes, sit down.

Men,

a few years ago...

I found the Lord Almighty.

And, ever since then,

my life has been

completely different. Okay?

He's got a plan for

each and every one of us

and, in his infinite wisdom,

he makes no mistakes. Hmm?

You're right about that.

I think the Lord put you here because he

wants me to get something off my chest.

He wants me to clear my conscience

and he wants me to ask for forgiveness.

Robert.

What I did to you at that rally

in senior year was a cowardly act.

It's something that

I've regretted every single day.

Yeah. I mean,

bullying is a national crisis.

It can leave people

with a lifetime of pain.

And I just have no excuse

for what I did to you.

I mean, I did grow up in a house

with a father who was physical,

but that doesn't give me

the right to take it out on somebody

who at the time

was weaker, you know? So...

Calvin, with this particular

transgression,

I not only embarrassed him

but I also ruined your final speech.

- No, no.

- Yes, I did.

- It's okay. No, it's okay.

- No, really, I stole your thunder.

And it's another thing that

I've had to live with every single day.

And I work through it in individual therapy

as well as group, and I pray about it.

So...

I just want to say how truly sorry I am

for what happened, you know.

Or for what I did.

It didn't just happen. I did it.

I did it, and I wish to God

that I had not done it.

So, I'm hoping that

you can find it in your heart

to forgive me.

I wasn't expecting this at all.

Don't I know it. I know it.

I'm just so happy.

I don't know what to say.

How about you say...

"The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson."

What do you mean?

Weird Dick!

You stupid ass!

Good God, you're dumb!

Dumber than ever, I guess!

And you, too, Calvin!

Look at that stupid look

on those two faces.

"The Lord taught me to care."

Unbelievable.

I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A."

And thetan-free since 2003.

Clear as sh*t.

And "I'm sorry for what I did"?

Let me tell you what I'm sorry about.

I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass

out there three more times.

It was the best senior prank ever.

I still get emails about it.

And if I'd had

one of these bad boys back then,

I would have shot it, uploaded it,

and it would have gone crazy viral,

a zillion hits.

Know what?

You're going to regret

you ever opened your mouth.

- You hear me, Trevor?

- Yeah? How come, Calvin?

Because he's about to

whoop your ass, that's why.

Who is?

Bob, get up and whoop his ass.

Here she comes!

Let me tell you something...

Weird Dick can't chug a bunch

of f***ing steroids and elk urine

and suddenly be able to kick my ass.

F*** that! It ain't gonna happen.

'Cause here's why.

Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.

Huh? Prove me wrong.

Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar.

Come on, hit me!

And I'll sue your ass,

and take your fanny pack away.

You got to make poopies?

What's wrong, Bob?

We got a john here.

Or you got to change your rag?

Maybe that's it.

Jenny, you got an extra rag?

- What's the matter with you?

- I just want to go.

She wants to go.

Go ahead. There you go.

No, it's a push.

Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that.

At least you found the handle.

Boy, he's still a scared little b*tch.

You know, you're still an a**hole.

Yeah, well, you're still

shorter than my cat.

Here's your transaction number.

Hit it, dick licker.

- Thank you, Trevor.

- Yup.

Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.

Bye-bye now.

- Was it push or pull?

- Clean push.

- Which one is it?

- You want me to do it for you?

Which one is it?

Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner!

Jenny!

Jenny, get the Windex!

And security for this one.

Get your a**hole off my door! That's it!

Bob! Bob!

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Mr. Joyner. Guess who

we're about to arrest

for conspiracy to commit treason.

That's right. Your lovely wife.

So, here's what you're going to do.

You're going to tell us

exactly where you and Bob are.

Then you're going to go outside and you're

going to keep Bob on-site until we arrive.

And if he leaves, you lose.

Is that clear?

Oh, hey.

I don't know what happened

in there, and I just froze up.

I locked up. I'm sorry.

Look, Bob, I...

No, I gotta tell you something,

CJ, listen.

You're the only one

who's ever been nice to me,

the only one who's never laughed at me.

And you're the only one

in this whole world that I trust.

And I know you have a lot

of friends, but I don't.

You're my only friend, Calvin.

And I will never

let you down again, I promise.

I'm sorry, man.

Sorry for what?

I told Harris where we are.

They were going to hurt Maggie.

I had to. I didn't have a choice.

I'm sorry.

Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head!

Do it now!

I know you know how this goes,

so I'll spare you the dramatics.

I'll ask you just once.

Where are the satellite encryption codes?

Aw. What's the matter, Bob?

Are you upset that

your friend turned you in?

I don't have any friends.

Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys.

Don't worry, it'll be over quick.

She always gets them to break.

Okay. You have it your way.

We're going to do this old-school.

Get the extraction tools.

The extraction tools?

If you don't have the stomach for it,

you can go.

Come on.

Stop recording.

Why am I coming here?

I was told I'd be able to leave.

You can leave,

when Agent Harris says you can leave,

which might be never.

I gotta watch this.

I'm sorry, Bob.

I'm sorry, man.

Oh, Jesus!

What the hell?

Hey! Hey!

Don't move!

You get your hands off!

Get them off the keyboard!

- What are you doing, Calvin?

- Give me your keycard!

Give me your keycard!

Give it to me.

- Okay...

- Go sit down.

Okay. Yeah.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

- Sit down! Sit down!

- Okay, okay, okay.

You know, Bob?

This is actually

my favorite part of the job.

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