Chain of Fools Page #4

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- Your hair. It's really nice.

Can you please describe

what happened on the bridge?

Well...

...I was out for my morning jog...

...and I saw Mr. Bollingsworth.

He fell into the river.

- He slipped and fell over the railing?

- Yes.

Mr. Bollingsworth

has always been very athletic.

Mr. Kerner, do you mind?

Now, Mr. Kresk...

...what happened on the bridge?

Okay.

There... He fell. Jumped.

He jumped, but falling.

Listen, Mr. Kresk.

I want you to go home, dry off, take a nap.

I will question you later, when I'm sure

you'll remember exactly what happened.

Great. Give me a call and maybe

we'll go get dinner or something.

That will be "or something. "

Now, if you'll excuse us,

I need to talk to Mr. Kerner.

- Maybe I'll see you around then.

- Yes, you will.

I'm really looking forward

to our interrogation.

Can I help you?

I'm Sergeant Meredith Kolko

of the police force.

You must be here about my complaint.

- Complaint?

- Yes.

Not only has my fianc gone missing...

...but yesterday, I was attacked

in the comforts of my own home...

...by some mad dentist

and an overgrown scout.

Really?

One of them smashed a piggy bank

over my head.

Suicide is so stupid.

Me being in that hospital

kind of changed my whole outlook.

I thought about my life,

I thought about my job. I thought...

F*** it.

I'm going to go get those coins.

Jesus H. Christ.

Just a minute.

Hello, Mr. Kresk.

Hi, there. You can just call me Kresk.

- May I come in for a minute?

- It's a little messy.

It's okay.

I'm sorry.

Did I interrupt something?

No. That's Andy. He's a friend.

He's a little hung over.

Too many wine coolers last night.

- I'll be brief.

- Great.

Have you heard

about the Shiny New Enemies?

I don't know anything about them.

I'm just an innocent barber.

- I wasn't accusing you.

- I know.

But I thought you were investigating

Bollingsworth's suicide.

- I think he's linked to the robbery.

- Bollingsworth?

I find that hard to believe.

Something tells me it's Bollingsworth.

What were you really doing on that bridge

at 6:
00 in the morning?

- Like I said, I was out jogging...

- Obviously, you weren't jogging.

I mean, look at your outfit.

I was on that bridge

for an early morning walk.

What's that?

"Goodbye, cruel... "

You know...

...Andy may have written that last night,

when he was drunk.

Kresk, are you okay?

Sure, I'm fine.

Okay.

Because, you know,

everybody has problems.

Yeah, well,

you don't look like you have problems.

Look at me.

I'm trying to solve this case.

I have one suspect in a coma,

and another who is probably in France.

Wait, I thought the coins were Chinese.

They are. But the most disreputable

coin collectors in the world are in France.

You really know your stuff.

I think I should get going.

If you think of anything, anything at all,

give me a call.

Really?

Wait.

- I need your phone number.

- Of course.

...spanky...

- That's my cell.

- Okay.

'Bye.

What an amazing woman.

She just came to my door,

and gave me the perfect plan.

Take Scottie,

who had the coins well hidden, to France...

...and fence them

to some disreputable people.

- Did you find those coins, little camper?

- Give me a minute. I'll tell you in the car.

Hey, Scottie.

How are you feeling?

- I'm all right.

- Want a ride?

I'm not supposed to take rides

from strangers.

We're not strangers, I'm family.

Uncle Kresk, you're beginning to creep

the sh*t out of me.

Hey, kid. Three pounds of delicious candy.

Shove it!

Go.

It's okay, I'm his uncle.

He's just a little hyperactive.

Everything's cool. His mom is his sister.

- Yeah?

- Hey, Jeannie.

It's Kresk. Weird thing.

Scottie just showed up at my door.

He wants bygones to be bygones

about the whole coin thing.

- He wants to hang out for a few days...

- Whatever.

- I can't believe you kidnapped me.

- That hurt.

It's not kidnapping, it's borrowing.

There's something inside of you

that we need.

My plasma.

No, the coins that you swallowed.

Wait a freaking minute.

You guys kidnapped me

to get the coins I'm going to poo?

It's like a bird with seeds.

Like a Ringrobin Sapstronger...

Just shut up!

We just need to know

if you've pooed since last night.

No, I haven't, Mr. Creepy.

Those coins are worth a lot of money.

So, you can't poo for the next 24 hours.

But when we get to France,

you can poo to your heart's content.

Everything was going pretty smoothly.

I had 10 hours to kill before my flight,

so I decided to pay the old man a visit.

Girl, I do not have to be careful.

Dr. Welby said that rich old man

ain't never going to wake up.

I came by...

...to make sure you didn't snap out

of the coma before I left the country. But...

...I guess I don't have to worry about that.

It's funny.

It's not funny, it's more ironic than funny.

It's pretty much not funny at all.

In fact, it's kind of sad, but...

...I was on the bridge

for the same reason as you.

Those damn coins.

I guess I'll just fly

to France with Scottie...

...wait till he poos the coins out

and send him home.

And then I'll just disappear.

You're supposed to be

in a really bad coma!

So, you were in on it with Avnet?

You a**hole.

What am I going to do?

I'm a barber, not a killer.

So, I turned to an old friend, Paulie Haas...

...a guy who had the skills

to handle a situation like this.

- Do you have an appointment?

- Not really.

I'm looking for Paulie Haas.

There he is. Paulie!

Paulie?

You probably don't remember me.

My name is Kresk.

You used to beat the hell out of me

at Our Mother of Peace Elementary.

Yeah.

The runt.

I made a small fortune

off your milk money.

This guy.

Remember the day

that they threw you out?

Sure.

Second grade.

Damn nuns.

You know,

they really stunted my education.

Your dad still own

that crummy little barber shop?

No, he stuck his head in the oven,

so I took over.

Good.

I'd love to rehash old times, but, actually,

I came here to talk business.

Go ahead and talk.

Well, I kind of need

someone done away with.

You want somebody killed?

Yeah, you could say that.

Do you have the money for this little task?

It costs $10,000

to have somebody bumped.

Half up front. You got $5,000, barber boy?

I don't have $5,000 now,

but I will in the future.

- Sorry, half up front.

- Come on, we're old friends.

- I used to beat you up.

- It's the same thing.

Listen, I promise you...

...I will pay you $20,000 down the line,

just do me this favor.

Please?

All right.

Since we've known each other for so long...

...I'll give you a number.

That's the new kid.

He's got balls like pomegranates.

Really?

I never expected to see a killer

with a business card.

- Don't call him a killer.

- Okay.

They don't like that.

You're a barber,

you don't barb people, do you?

No.

Take it easy, Paulie.

You're looking for me.

Mikey?

How old are you?

Twenty?

- About that.

- Nineteen?

Seventeen. Have a seat.

You're seventeen and you're a hired killer?

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