Chain of Fools Page #6

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I know what you're after.

Yeah?

You're never going to find those coins.

We've hidden them too well.

What coins?

Nothing.

I have priceless Chinese coins

in my stomach.

Shiny New Enemies?

Yeah, well, them. But...

...it doesn't matter.

You're not leaving here with them anyway.

Why don't you untie me

and we'll Indian wrestle like real men?

Best two out of...

I'm warning you.

Get in.

After the restaurant,

Meredith and I took a long walk.

We laughed and talked and stuff.

It was really weird.

I think she actually liked me.

In fact, I know she did.

- There are tents in your living room.

- I have guests, so we have to be quiet.

Okay. I'll do my best.

- Who's that?

- Kresk, I know you're in there!

- It's Karen.

- Who?

My ex-wife.

She's supposed to be in Italy

having sex with our marriage counselor.

I'm not going to answer it.

Like hell you'll not answer it!

You want me to set this place on fire?

Let the woman in.

I don't want any trouble.

Hey, Karen.

Interrupting something? Who's the flooz?

I'm Sergeant Meredith Kolko

of the police force.

I'm glad you're here. You'll be interested

in what I found in my apartment...

...when I returned from my trip abroad.

I can explain. I really can.

I know it looks bad...

Yes, it does.

I came home early from Italy

because I find out Dr. Kenny uses a pump.

- In my apartment I find...

- Karen.

I will give you $1.5 million...

...if you don't say another word.

- Like you have $1.5 million.

- Just let the woman talk, okay?

Thank you, Sergeant.

Dave?

Dave, honey? Mommy is home.

Mommy brought you a present. Dave?

- Dave, honey, Mommy's home. Dave?

- Who's Dave?

Dave, Mommy's here.

Where are you, baby?

It's not funny, Dave.

Poor Dave! My bloated baby!

No, Dave. No!

That's it? That's all you found?

Are you kidding me?

My dog almost died because of you.

Thomas.

Is this true?

That stupid little dog attacked me

when I was feeding him.

The pills fell into the sink...

My little Dave attacked you?

I find that a little hard to believe.

- It's the truth.

- Whatever.

Give me my key back

before you f*** up my life some more.

Enjoy.

- Did the dog really attack you?

- Meredith.

I will never lie to you.

That little bastard bit me.

Am I in trouble with the law?

Only if you open that door again.

- Condom.

- What?

- Condoms.

- Condoms. That's a great idea.

- Now.

- They're in the medicine cabinet.

Well, hurry.

- What are you doing here?

- Just checking in.

Curiosity may have killed the cat,

but it tends to keep the hitman alive.

You have the coins,

and you're trying to frame Bollingsworth.

How do you know that?

Sh*t, man, I like the way you work.

You look like an innocent barber,

but really you're a badass.

No, really, I'm just an innocent barber.

An innocent barber who has priceless coins

in his nephew's gut.

- We got to hurry up.

- They're in here somewhere.

I like you.

Want to go see a show?

What? A show? Are you crazy?

- I can get tickets half-price.

- I'm starting without you.

I'm just washing my hands.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but I got things going on in the bedroom.

- Some really nice things...

- Kresk, we're buddies.

Let me give you a little friendly advice.

Don't become romantically involved

with the person who's trying to catch you.

Thanks, but Meredith

doesn't know anything about that.

- You don't think so?

- Nope.

- You don't think this may be a trap?

- No.

She's looking for the coins,

and you have them.

- Thomas.

- Just a second.

Can't you see that you and I have

the parental suicide thing in common?

Let's go to Cats. That's a great show.

No, thanks.

- You want to go out for a malted?

- No, Mikey.

No! Listen!

I hired you to kill Bollingsworth,

not to be my...

...little buddy.

If you don't want to be friends, that's fine.

And I quit.

You can kill the old man yourself.

Are you serious, Mikey?

Here they are!

They were right in front of me.

- You're pointing a gun at me.

- I'm well aware of that.

- This doesn't bode well

for our relationship.

- No, it doesn't.

Tell me something, Kresk.

What's that, dear?

How could I have fallen in love

with the gunman?

- Gunman?

- Yeah.

It was you and Bollingsworth

who stole those coins.

You killed those guards in cold blood.

- Jolly good shot.

- Thanks.

- That's insane.

- It all makes sense.

Your unusual interest

in Bollingsworth's health.

The tickets to France I found in your room.

This gun. You have those coins, Kresk.

Stop.

I said I would never lie to you, and I won't.

You're right, I have the coins.

So, you were just using me.

No.

I just wanted to see you.

Don't bullshit me. I'm a cop,

I know bullshit. You're a murderer.

I'm not a murderer, you got to believe me!

Look, I can prove it!

In one of those tents is Scottie,

my nephew.

- He has the coins in his stomach.

- I'd love to believe...

- Got her.

- Meredith.

Hey, Andy! You coldcocked my girlfriend!

She's not exactly your girlfriend.

She was arresting you.

Andy, what's going on?

We got to go. These two guys came

and they kidnapped Scottie.

"Ha, ha, we have the buoy. " What?

It's Paulie.

You got to go yet, kid?

Stick to the game and ask for a card.

Drink your prune juice,

then I'll ask for a card.

Ask.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

- You got any threes?

- Grab a fishing pole, Jethro.

You should have more respect

for your elders.

- Blow it out your hole!

- Stop shaking the table!

These "K's" are hard.

Wait. It's not a real gun.

It's a bluff.

We flash a little metal, grab our Scottie

and get the hell out of here.

- Now!

- Step away from the boy!

Look who it is, Johnny.

You're a barber, not a killer.

You don't have the balls

to pull that trigger.

Yeah?

Try me!

Maybe we should...

This damn chain is awkward.

I've been shot.

Wait, wait! Stop!

Sh*t. Johnny.

You did that on purpose.

No, I didn't. I swear to God, I didn't.

Now that was on purpose.

Are you okay?

- It's so cold.

- I'll take you to the hospital.

No, Kresk, come on.

It's too late for me.

Take the boy and go to the airport.

No way, come on. Fireman's carry.

- Wait!

- Come on, Scottie.

- We're taking Uncle Andy to the hospital.

- What in the hell took you guys so long?

That f***er.

Robert Bollingsworth...

...about half an hour ago

I thought I had a new friend.

Then I realized he wasn't much of a friend,

and I was going to f*** him over.

Then I remembered...

...a job is a job.

I'll kill you...

...and then I'll kill myself.

What kind of a hitman are you?

Go ahead.

Shoot me.

- I got nothing to live for.

- What kind of a shitty attitude is that?

It's a realistic one.

- Life just isn't worth living anymore.

- No?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

A kid your age.

Call me an optimist,

but I like waking up in the morning.

Birds chirping, the sun shining,

my two little angels.

I mean, the only thing I lack

is a good friend.

- As a hitman, they're hard to come by.

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