Chaos Theory Page #5

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You've been a Meteor since you were 6.

You can't change who you are.

- I can.

- You can't.

Okay, then.

To do that, you'd have to be

really twisted, man. Slayers?

That's morally abhorrent. A man

who would do that is capable of anything.

Exactly.

Frank, if you're gonna go nuts, you should

at least have a god or a dog talking to you.

Index cards? It's just not that sexy.

You need help, man.

You need to see a doctor.

- I did.

- You saw a shrink?

No.

No, not a shrink.

If there's something wrong,

you can talk to me, you know?

Jesse's not my genetic daughter.

- What?

- Yeah.

Yeah. I have Klinefelters Syndrome.

- Kline-what?

- Klinefelters.

I was born with an extra X-chromosome.

I've been sterile since birth.

- Are they sure? I mean...

- Yeah. Yeah.

It's impossible for me to be a father.

I saw her.

It was December 19.

Oh, God. Oh, no.

Hey, Jesse.

- Hi, Buddy.

Jesse, how old are you?

- Seven.

- You're seven.

Really? Now when's your birthday?

- Today.

- Today? Today's your birthday?

You didn't get me a present, did you?

Oh, jeez. Of course I did.

I, uh, got you this watch.

And be careful, it's a Rolex.

- Is your mother inside?

- Yeah.

Susan, I found a man wandering aimlessly

in the hallway looking for you.

- Thanks, Peg. Goodbye, Peg.

- And what a man he is.

- Is today really Jesse's birthday?

- No, it's in August.

What about Frank? Is he all right?

- Uh, yeah, Damon bailed him out.

- Damon what?

- Who was the third lover?

- Who?

You said I was one of three lovers.

Frank would be two.

- So there must have been a third. Who?

- What?

- Who was the third man?

- Let me go.

- No, not until you tell me.

- You're crazy.

- I want a name. Who was it?

- Alan Zelf.

- Alan Zelf. When?

- When I worked at that burger joint.

I was 17, we did it in the basement

on top of a pile of buns, okay?

What's gotten into you?

Fatherhood.

Time.

Efficiency.

Organizational skills.

Do any of you really give a sh*t?

You're here because your boss thinks...

...that if you keep your desk clear

and your calendars streamlined...

...you'll sell a few more computers,

and who knows, maybe he's right.

But will that make you any happier?

Will it prevent you from waking up

one morning with an incurable disease?

Will it stop your wife, Susan,

from whoring around on you?

Must've been that week

before New Year's.

At Teddy's party.

I knew it was stupid. Even when we were

doing it I knew it was stupid.

Gee, thanks.

That makes me feel so much better.

- You could've used birth control.

- I did.

- I guess it wasn't completely effective.

- Yeah, no kidding.

Oh!

I could die.

Betrayed.

Yeah, sure, we've been betrayed.

By the assumptions of our own society.

You stay in line.

Keep your shoes shined. Hard work

and devotion will be rewarded.

Well, let me ask you something,

is anyone here truly happy?

If so...

...raise your happy hand.

Then the decisions that you've made

in your life are crap.

You're a crappy person.

Leading a crappy life.

- Crappy, crappy, crappy.

- No.

Yeah. Crappy.

Poor Frank, suddenly finding out

he's not a father.

Enough poor Frank. What about

poor Buddy, suddenly finding out he is?

- Poor Jesse.

- Poor Jesse?

- No father.

- What am I? Chopped liver?

You're a mistake!

It could have been me you married

eight years ago.

It would've cramped your style.

You don't think I crave stability?

You don't think I haven't wanted a family,

or desired intimacy?

You don't think I've always loved you?

No.

Yes. Yes.

- No. No!

Whim...

...not thought.

Chance...

...not planning.

You are where you are today

because you've been comatose.

You've all lacked passion!

Act on those passions.

Succumb to your whim.

Forge a new being, goddamn it.

Do something before it's too late!

Say yes to whim!

Say yes to chance! Say yes to chaos!

Paula, right?

Frank Allen. Are you still a, uh,

time tamer?

Are you still a home-wrecking b*tch?

Still gay?

What's with the cards?

What happened?

What, you don't remember, beasty-boy?

No.

It was terrible.

In a good way?

You passed out halfway in, so to speak.

Why is my pillow wet?

You cried in your sleep

for two-and-a-half hours.

Whimpering like a little girl.

It was like soft hotel-porn...

...unsatisfying and sad.

- See you.

- See you.

Hey, it's me.

I know this is the 33rd message I've left,

but please call me, okay?

I need to talk to you, Frank.

Please.

Bye.

- Hello.

- Hey.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Have a good day.

Susan?

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Stop.

- You have to stop following me.

- And stop getting me flowers.

- For chrissake, Susan.

Cut me some slack.

I'm trying to do what's right.

- Okay. I'm trying to do what's not wrong.

- It's already been done.

- But I love you, doesn't that count?

- No.

Don't play the martyr with me.

You're not alone in this.

- I'm just as smashed up as you are.

- Then find your own hole to crawl into.

Well, what about Jesse?

I mean, she's ours.

Jesse has nothing to do with you.

She hates me, doesn't she?

She doesn't know you well enough

to hate you.

So if she knew me, then she'd hate me?

Buddy, what do you want?

My whole life people have been telling me

I'm not responsible.

I'm not, you know?

I haven't wanted to be.

But this is different.

I just desperately wanna do what's right.

What is right?

Hi.

Oh, God. I'm so...

I'm...

I'm sorry, Frank.

You know?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

It's hard to talk

with a knife in your back, Susan.

No, come on, it wasn't like that.

It had to have happened before New Year's,

after that night it was only you.

- No double-life?

- No, sweetie, no. Never.

Do you know whose it is?

- She's not an "it," she's Jesse.

- Do you know, Susan?

Yes.

She's yours, Frank. She's...

Maybe not medically...

...but in all other ways she's your daughter.

You're her father.

Whose is she? Whose is she, Susan?

She's yours. She's yours.

She's yours. She's yours because...

Because when she had strep throat

you held her through three nights of fever.

Yours because her first word was "Dad."

Because how scared you got

when you thought you lost her...

...in the mall for 40 seconds.

Because of how happy you feel

every time you open your eyes...

...and she's standing there looking at you.

She loves you, Frank. You love her.

This is...

This is our home. It's our family.

Come on, Frank.

JESSE:

Mommy.

Mommy.

I'm coming.

I'll be two seconds, okay?

Yeah.

- What is it, honey?

- I had a bad dream.

Go back to sleep, okay?

Try to go back to sleep.

Frank?

Sh*t.

- Can I help you?

- I'd like a weapon, a gun, preferably.

I need to shoot something tonight.

There's a three-day waiting period

on all handguns...

...but I can sell you a shotgun,

or a rifle, today.

I'll take one.

Great. What type?

- Uh...

- What are you using it for?

- Hunting.

- Hunting.

What are you hunting?

- Uh, duck.

- Duck?

Yes. A huge duck.

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