Charlie Bartlett Page #6

Charlie, come on.

What are you doing this for?

I don't know.

I guess...

I'm really happy here.

For the first time, everybody likes me.

There are more important things.

Look, I know. Everybody keeps

saying that, but the thing is, is I'm 17,

and popularity is pretty damn

important to me.

Charlie, there are more important things.

Like what?

Like what you do with that popularity.

Look, I've been around a while,

you know, long enough to say this.

What you do in this life matters.

(DRAGNET THEME PLA YlNG ON TV)

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

Hey, Kip.

Hey, Charlie.

How are you feeling?

Fine, I guess.

They had to pump my stomach.

(GROANS lN SYMPATHY)

-How was that?

-Pretty disgusting.

But now I get to just

play video games all day, so...

Cool.

So, are you still,

like, a suicidal maniac or...

Well, it's not like all my problems

just went away.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Look, Charlie, it's cool

that you came by and everything,

but there's really nothing that you can say

that's going to make me

feel any better, so...

Nothing? Why not?

No one knows I exist.

The last time a girl spoke to me

was in the third grade.

I have no friends and I'm an idiot.

You at least have friends.

How would you possibly know

what it's like?

-I just think you're missing the big picture.

-What big picture?

-The universe.

-What about the universe?

(CHUCKLES)

Well, the universe is a pretty big place.

Yeah. It's infinite, theoretically.

Right. Which means there's probably

life on other planets.

Not life like we think, but, yeah,

probably at least single-cell organisms.

Well, see, that's my whole point.

I mean, you could've been born

a single-cell organism

on the planet Zortex.

In fact, given the odds,

it's probably more likely.

But you weren't.

You were born a human being.

And not just any human being

in the history of human beings,

but a human being

that gets to be alive today,

that gets to listen to all kinds of music,

that gets to eat food from every culture,

that gets to download porn

off the internet.

So, really, you have everything to live for.

You feel better?

Not really.

Well, at least I tried.

-Hey, do you want to play some Killzone?

-Yeah.

(CHUCKLlNG SMUGLY)

Dude!

-So, you're not selling drugs anymore?

-No, no. I'm searching for new enterprises.

-Like what?

-I don't know. You got any ideas?

You're talking to someone

who can never get anything done.

I've been trying to write a play, but,

you know, no one wants to read any of it.

Well, is it any good?

I don't know.

You can read it if you want to.

Sure.

Nope.

Sorry, guys, there's just no way.

-You didn't even read it.

-I read enough to know that it's a bad idea.

Why?

By virtue of the fact that it's inappropriate.

I'm not jazzed about

taking the heat for you two

having those kids doing

whatever they're doing in there.

But it's true. It has truth.

It's about us and the way we see things.

Mr. Crombwell's right.

We want to see something like this here.

Look, it may not be perfect,

but Charlie's gonna help me with it.

Great. That really puts my mind at ease.

Look, I'm really trying

to do the right thing, okay?

I thought that's what

you wanted me to do.

Yeah, I do,

but does it have to be this play?

If it helps your decision,

I'd be considerably less likely

to end my life if you said yes.

You've got to get it through Drama Club.

-Thank you, Mr. Gardner.

-Yeah.

You won't be disappointed.

Don't make me regret this.

So, what do we do now?

Well, don't worry about the Drama Club.

I'll work it out.

I kind of just don't know

what to say, Charlie.

No worries.

Don't f***ing argue with me.

Listen, I just wanna remind you

how much this is worth!

-I know.

-Let me keep the Xanax.

-No. No Xanax. Everything.

-Charlie...

You're a dick.

No! No! No!

-Murph, give it to me.

-No! No! No, Charlie! No! No!

Excuse me, everyone.

May I have your attention?

I have an announcement to make.

Due to complications

with the insurance companies,

I will no longer be providing medication.

(STUDENTS GROANlNG)

I'm sure this will mean that a lot of you

are done speaking to me and that's fine.

However, for those of you

that are still interested,

I will be holding sessions in my office

free of charge.

Thank you.

I'm one of those people

not speaking to you.

Well, let's get started, shall we?

-Hey, Charlie.

-Hey, Whitney. What's going on?

I don't know.

Well, I think you have

something to tell me,

but you're worried what I might think.

I guess.

I really think that

there's something wrong with me.

Why is that?

Well, I've been crying a lot.

Like, at cheer.

I've slept with almost every guy

on the football team.

All of them?

Well, maybe not all.

But all the backfield, anyway.

Well, do you like any of these guys?

Not really.

I mean, I know they don't want to be

my boyfriend or anything lame like that.

But they try to sleep with me,

and I don't want to say no to them.

Well, look, I don't know, maybe you should

take it slower, you know?

Enjoy yourself.

I mean, there are plenty of guys

at this school

that would do anything to take you

to dinner and a movie.

Give me a break. Like who?

(DOORBELL RlNGS)

-Hey, Whitney.

-Hi, Murphy.

Wow, you actually brought flowers.

They're pretty lame, huh?

-I've never been on a real date before.

-That's okay, Murphy.

I've never been on a real date

before either.

-By the way, I like your shirt.

-Oh, thanks.

Okay. Thanks, Charlie.

-Hey.

-Hey, Henry. How's it going, man?

The board completely ignored the petition

to get the cameras out of the lounge,

so they've basically blown us off.

Next thing you know,

they'll put in metal detectors

and start doing random locker searches.

We have to do something.

We need you, man.

I don't know, Henry.

I am already on thin ice with Gardner.

If I lead a protest,

I think he'll have me assassinated.

We need to do something.

All right, look,

if you want to lead a protest,

it's not like I'm gonna stop you, but...

Thanks, Charlie.

(TAPPlNG)

This is a school, not a prison,

Thanks, because I couldn't read the sign.

This is a school, not a prison,

This is a school, it's not a prison,

This is a school, not a prison,

This is a school, it's not a prison,

(TEACHER CHATTERlNG)

SEDGWlCK:
Cameras, protests,

insubordinate kids,

Would any of this have happened

without Charlie Bartlett?

He's all I hear about these days.

"Charlie Bartlett told my son this.

"Charlie Bartlett told my daughter

to do that."

Our lives would be a whole lot easier

if we just expelled him.

You really think that's what he deserves?

Do yourself a favor.

Don't get fired over this kid.

Look at this.

Look, I don't think there should

be cameras in the lounge, but...

(STUDENTS CLAMORlNG)

I don't even know what to say.

I kind of see where

your dad's coming from, too.

Since when do you care what he thinks?

I don't know.

He's given me a break a couple of times.

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