Charlie Bartlett Page #5

Charlie, I don't know.

You're the professional.

All right. Well, I guess the obvious one is

how do you feel about your dad?

You mean, besides the fact that this

stupid job turned him into an alcoholic?

Okay.

How do you feel about that?

I think it actually bothers him

more than me, to be honest.

But there was the night.

What's "the night"?

The night he found out

my mother was having an affair.

He was plastered, waving this.38 revolver

around, threatening to kill himself.

Wow.

So, your mom left and you stayed, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

Well, he promised to get rid of the gun,

and then he went into treatment

for a while.

And then, for whatever reason,

he decided he was into boats.

You know, it's like someone said,

"Hey, you, you're crazy.

Chill out and get a hobby."

(SlGHS)

-Susan.

-Yes?

I'm still waiting for you to tell me

how you feel about your dad.

Ah.

You're tough.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it just...

It kind of sucks having one parent ditch

and then the other one lose their mind.

I mean, how can I possibly hope

to turn out even remotely functional?

Yeah.

Well, I kind of do feel better.

I'm glad.

Well, thanks for listening, Charlie Bartlett.

(CHUCKLES) No problem, Susan Gardner.

(SlGHS)

Susan?

(MUSlC PLA YlNG ON BOOM BOX)

Hey.

Listen up.

All right, due to the booming economy

of our fine school,

Dr. Charlie Bartlett here invites you all

to a private party at the Drive-ln Club,

which will be the most raging party

in the history of Western Summit.

MURPHY:
Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!

ALL:
Charlie! Charlie!

(ALL CHEERlNG)

(SlNGlNG) Head filled up with fear

It's obvious you love the skin you wear

I need to lie down

Need some air

Messing and mussing your tie-dyed hair

You're making a big mistake, mister

Dustin Lauderbach wants a minute

with you, dude.

Come on, is this really necessary?

I was hoping to get a chance to enjoy this.

No, man, he's captain of the football team.

All right.

Who's gonna fix that, that voodoo?

Who's gonna fix that, that voodoo?

Who's gonna fix that, that voodoo?

Who's gonna fix that, that voodoo?

All right, first of all, I'm sick of football.

I mean, zero desire to do this in college.

What do you want to do?

Try not to laugh,

but I was thinking of

going to Paris to study painting.

That's cool.

Have you mentioned this to your dad?

No way. Quitting football isn't gonna

go over very well,

Iet alone hitting him up two seconds later

for money to spend a year in France.

Well, what about your mom?

She only hears half the stuff I say.

What is that? There's a word for it.

Menopause.

So, what should I do?

Well, I think one of our duties as teenagers

is to occasionally piss off our parents.

-So, go for it, okay?

-Yeah.

Thanks.

I think Dustin Lauderbach may be a...

I think you're just jealous 'cause

you don't have any artistic ambitions.

F*** you, dude. In fifth grade,

I played Linus in

You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown,

And I was good.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Wow, I didn't know that.

If I'm jealous, if,

it's because only guys

like Dustin Lauderbach

can get girls like Whitney Drummond.

You wanna hook up

with Whitney Drummond?

No. I want to do it right.

That's the kind of girl

you go dinner and a movie with.

I don't know,

you'd have to clean up quite a bit.

(SCOFFS)

Not in this life.

So, why did you stop

doing the school play?

I kept getting my ass kicked

by people like me.

Murph, we really have to have

conversations like this more often.

Oh, bite me.

Here you are. You're coming with me.

I am, am l? Where are we going?

Well, Dr. Bartlett, I think it's high time

you stepped into my office.

Wow. Beats the hell out of my office.

(SlGHS)

So, what now?

Now I'm going to ask you

a series of questions,

and if you answer honestly,

you shall be rewarded.

All right.

All right. Question number one.

And this one is a little selfish on my part.

-Okay.

-Okay.

Is your interest in me

any way related to the fact

that my dad is the principal?

What? Why would it be?

Because I know you get a kick out of

doing things that might get you in trouble.

Well, I'm not gonna deny that, but no.

I pretty much liked you

from the first moment that I saw you.

And I had no idea who your father was.

Was that my reward?

Mmm-hmm.

I think I'm ready

for the next question then.

What's the deal with your father?

Does that really have to be

the next question?

Yes. The harder the question,

the greater the reward.

He's in prison.

My mom went into

a pretty bad depression

when he got arrested.

So, when he was out on bail,

he took me out for ice cream

and he told me I had to take care of her.

So, I promised him I would.

And I've been taking care of her ever since.

So, who takes care of you?

Susan?

I've never done this before.

I know that, Charlie Bartlett.

,,,l can enjoy this girl-like boy

(SlNGlNG) I'll paint the room white

Just give me something to destroy

You got your green light

For us, it's time

(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

(COUGHS)

That's really bad for you, you know?

-Hey. What are you doing?

-I'll be right back.

Oh, my God! Charlie, get in here!

Ladies and gentlemen,

how are you all doing tonight?

(AUDlENCE CHEERlNG)

My name is Charlie Bartlett

and I am no longer a virgin!

(CROWD APPLAUDlNG)

Thank you!

For crying out loud.

(SlGHS)

KlP:
I can't think ofany reason

to stay on this planet,

No one at school even knows my name,

The idea of even making contact

with another human being

is like trying to defy gra vity,

There's just no point in being alive,

Charlie, listen to

what Mr. Gardner has to say.

Kip Crombwell overdosed

on a handful of sedatives last night.

Is he okay?

He's okay, yeah.

He's gonna be fine. He's home.

And you might want to thank him later

for not telling his parents

where he got the drugs.

If anyone could prove it was you,

this would be a different story.

Charlie, how could you do

something like this?

What happens now?

You tell me.

If you can explain what you're doing,

or better yet, why you're doing it,

that would be a good start.

Look, I'm helping these kids, okay?

Nobody else is listening to them.

I encourage you to listen all you like,

but let's face it,

-you're not a professional.

-No.

And these medications

have a legitimate use.

They've helped a lot of people.

It's a generational thing.

You know, teenagers always find a way

to abuse something.

And why not, right?

Being zonked out of your mind

is a lot more fun

than dealing with your problems.

Excuse me for asking,

but are you speaking from experience or...

You know,

that's not an appropriate question.

-That's okay.

-Okay.

Yeah, I sought treatment for some issues.

You're not doing that anymore?

Got to the point where I felt

I was ready to stop, so I did.

-How's that going for you?

-Some days are better than others.

Do you want to talk about it sometime?

No, I would not

like to talk about it sometime.

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