Chasing Amy Page #10

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HOLDEN:

Just toss one.

Alyssa picks up a ball, squints to aim, and whips it

overhand. It pops off one of the circles and shoots back

at them, missing them as they duck. An OC knock and an

"OW!" is heard. Holden reacts as Alyssa laughs.

HOLDEN:

(to OC guy)

I'm sorry, man. She's new at this.

Holden ducks as the ball comes sailing back at his head.

He gets up.

HOLDEN:

(to OC)

Thank you.

(hands Alyssa another ball)

Underhand. Throw it underhand.

ALYSSA:

This is where you take straight chicks

on dates?

HOLDEN:

It's like Spanish Fly. This'll

probably be the first time I don't

score afterwards.

ALYSSA:

I don't know. I'm starting to get a

tingle in my bottom.

(tosses a ball)

Ten.

HOLDEN:

(grabs a ball)

So what'd you do last night?

(prepares to throw)

ALYSSA:

Got laid

Holden whips the ball in surprise. It ricochets off the

ceiling and through the glass of an old pinball machine.

Alyssa laughs. Holden looks around, nervously.

ALYSSA:

Some more of that skill you were

telling me about?

HOLDEN:

Maybe we should just leave before

somebody gets hurt.

ALYSSA:

No way. I want a cheap prize.

(throws a ball)

So your friend's quite the homophobe.

HOLDEN:

He just feels left out, I think.

ALYSSA:

I'm not talking about his infantile

hang-up with me. I'm talking about

when you two were playing that game.

Everytime he swore - when his players

messed up, he called them cocksuckers,

he referred to the players as queers,

he called you a cock-teaser...

HOLDEN:

I thought he was talking to you.

ALYSSA:

I know you think it means nothing, and

it may in fact be unintentional, but

it's ugly all the same.

HOLDEN:

He was just pissed he was losing.

ALYSSA:

So he slams the gay community?

HOLDEN:

C'mon. Don't get all p.c. on me.

ALYSSA:

I'm not. But what is that saying?

HOLDEN:

It says he gets too easily frustrated.

ALYSSA:

It's passive/agressive gay-bashing.

HOLDEN:

How do you figure?

ALYSSA:

How casually did it roll off his

tongue? And that's how he expresses

his anger? By calling people faggots?

HOLDEN:

I think you're reading too much into

it.

ALYSSA:

I think you're just so used to it that

it rolls off your back. I've heard

the two of you play your little rank

out game where one insists the other

is gay.

(as the boys)

"You're a f*ggot. No, you're a

f*ggot." It's cute and all to watch

you go at it like grade-schooler, but

it's also offensive - labeling and

ducking the label of being gay as if

it were the scarlet f***ing letter.

HOLDEN:

You're blowing this way out of

proportion. We live in a more

tolerant age now. You refer to

yourself as a dyke. Hooper calls

himself a f*ggot all the time...

ALYSSA:

Yeah, but that's what's known as

empowerment/disempowerment. I call

myself a dyke so it's not too

devastating when some throwback

screams it at me as I'm leaving a bar

at night.

Same for Hooper - by calling himself a

f*ggot, he steals the thunder away

from the mouthy jerks of this world

who'd like to beat him to it. But the

difference between us having it and

your friend saying it is miles wide.

We say it to mask the pain - you say

it for lack of a better expression at

any given moment. No Holden, we do

not live in a more tolerant age. And

if you think that's the case, then

you've been in the suburbs way too

long to be resuscitated.

Holden kind of sulks. Alyssa notices.

ALYSSA:

But you know what?

(picks up his face)

I have more faith in you than that.

(rips her tickets off)

Come on - I want my cheap prize.

INT STUDIO - NIGHT

Holden enters. Banky's still playing Sega. Holden sits

next to him.

HOLDEN:

(off screen)

How bad do you suck!

BANKY:

How was your pseudo-date?

HOLDEN:

Leave it alone.

BANKY:

That chick bugs me.

HOLDEN:

(rubs his head; in baby-talk)

Aww. Everyone bugs you.

BANKY:

Get off.

(off game)

F***ing f*ggot! Did you see that?!

Your dyke courting ass just got me

scored on!

HOLDEN:

(beat)

You know, you should watch that. If

you're going to get all bent out of

shape while playing the game, so much

so that you need to curse the t.v.,

try not to gay-bash it, alright.

You're nor that kind of guy.

(gets up)

And don't call her a dyke, alright?

She's a lesbian.

Holden goes to his drawing table and takes off his coat.

Banky sits there, shocked. He puts the controller down

and crosses to the drawing table.

BANKY:

What the f*** is going on here?

HOLDEN:

(pulling out pencil)

I'm starting a new page.

BANKY:

(smacking pencil away)

Not with this sh*t! With you. What

the f*** is going on with you and that

girl?

HOLDEN:

We're friends.

BANKY:

She's programming you.

HOLDEN:

I beg your pardon? Programming?

BANKY:

Yeah. And apparently, you don't even

realize it. What does it matter if I

refer to her as a dyke, or if I call

the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the

privacy of my own office, far from the

sensitive ears of the rest of the

world?

HOLDEN:

It's passive/aggressive gay-bashing;

and I know you're not really

prejudiced at heart. You should just

find some other way to express your

anger, is all I'm saying.

Holden starts drawing. Banky stares at him. Then he

grabs the pencil out of Holden's hand and shoves him to

the side. He starts drawing something.

HOLDEN:

What the f*** are you doing!

BANKY:

Bear with me here. I just want to put

you through this little exercise.

(drawing feverishly)

Okay, now see this? This is a four

way road, okay?

Banky draws a four-way stop. He illustrates according to

his voice-over.

BANKY V.O.

And dead in the center, is a crisp,

new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the

end of each of the streets, are four

people, okay? You following? Up

here, we got a male-affectionate, easy-

to-get-along-with, no political agenda

lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we

have a man-hating, angry-as-f***,

agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this

side, we got Santa Claus, right? And

over to this side - the Easter Bunny.

Banky finishes drawing. Holden's shaking his head

BANKY:

Which one's going to get to the

hundred dollar bill first?

HOLDEN:

What is this supposed to prove?

BANKY:

I'm serious. This is a serious

exercise. It's like an S.A.T.

question. Which one's going to get to

the hundred dollar bill first - the

male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating

dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter

Bunny?

HOLDEN:

(beat; then pissed)

The man-hating dyke.

BANKY:

Good. Why?

HOLDEN:

I don't know.

BANKY:

(wildly crossing out the

other three)

BECAUSE THESE OTHER THREE ARE FIGMENTS

OF YOUR F***ING IMAGINATION!

Holden storms away. Banky follows.

HOLDEN:

I don't need this. I'm going home.

BANKY:

She's f***ing with your mind, man!

She knows you've got this schoolboy

crush and she's using it to sway your

way of thinking!

HOLDEN:

And why would she need to do that?

What is she Mata f***ing Hari?! What

does she gain?

BANKY:

Maybe she thinks you'll get her comic

picked up by Contender. Or maybe she

thinks you'll change the content of

our book to something more political

and message oriented. Or, gee - I

don't know - maybe because that's just

what dykes like to do: f*** around

with straight guys' heads, just so she

can go back to her little rug-muncher

club and have a good laugh with all

her man-hating harpy cronies about how

f***ing stupid and easily duped men

are!

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