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Chasing Amy Page #14
- R
- Year:
- 1997
- 113 min
- 910 Views
BACK IN THE OFFICE - Holden stares at Banky.
HOLDEN:
He's full of sh*t.
BANKY:
Cohee's a lot of things, but an
exxagerator he's not. The dude's
Catholic.
HOLDEN:
She's never even been with a guy.
BANKY:
That's what she says. But I say her
on her hands and knees getting filled
out like an application constitutes
'being with a guy'.
HOLDEN:
He's pulling your chain. And the fact
that you even bought it for a second
makes you look like an idiot.
BANKY:
I'm getting your back, a**hole!
People don't forget sh*t like 'Finger
Cuffs'. And if it got out that she's
queer as well, how do you think it's
going to make you look?
HOLDEN:
I give a sh*t what people think.
BANKY:
Alright, forget about that; what if
she's carrying a disease? That was
just one story - what if there's more?
HOLDEN:
(grabs his coat)
You're such a f***ing a**hole.
BANKY:
What? Oh, it's not possible that
she's all crudded up? Cohee I can
vouch for as clean - the dude never
got laid in high school. But Derris
is an arch f***ing bush-man! Name me
one chick in our senior class that
Rick Derris didn't nail, for Christ's
sake!
HOLDEN:
Would you let this go? I'm telling
you - she's never even been with a
guy, let alone those two zeroes.
BANKY:
And I'm telling you, the b*tch could
be a bigger f***ing germ farm than
that monkey in 'Outbreak'!
Holden grabs Banky and pins him against the wall.
HOLDEN:
Give it a rest! Do you hear me?! I'm
tired of this sh*t! She's my goddamn
girlfriend, do you understand?! Show
her a little f***ing respect!
And if you ever even so much as
mention that Alyssa looks a little
peaked from now on, I'll put your
f***ing teeth down your throat!
He releases Banky. Banky brushes himself off.
BANKY:
Maybe I'll put your f***ing teeth down
your throat.
HOLDEN:
(walking out)
Not bloody Likely.
Banky runs to the open door.
BANKY:
(calling after him)
I've been working out you know!
(no response)
You better be ready to make that M-TV
deal!
The downstairs door slams. Banky makes a muscle, then
feels it.
Holden and Hooper peruse laser discs.
HOOPER:
Where's that b*tch partner of your's
been?
HOLDEN:
Sulking. He's having a real problem
with this Alyssa thing.
HOOPER:
I think it's more like Banky's having
a problem with all things not hetero
right about now. And I'm just another
paradigm of said aberration.
HOLDEN:
Banky does not hate gays, you know
that.
HOOPER:
But I do think he is a bit homophobic.
And this latest episode between you
and Ms. Thing has tapped into that.
In his warped perception, he lost you
to the dark side - which is she.
HOLDEN:
You make it sound like me and him were
dating.
HOOPER:
Don't kid yourself - that boy loves
you in a way that he's not ready to
deal with.
HOLDEN:
(beat)
He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
HOOPER:
And just what has Mister Angela
Lansbury uncovered about your lady
fair?
HOLDEN:
He heard some bullshit story that she
took on two guys.
HOOPER:
Really? Well then he's barking up the
wrong we if he wants to split you up,
isn't he? He's not going to make you
see the error of your ways by pointing
out how truly gay she's not
(holds up a disc)
This one?
HOLDEN:
Have it.
(beat)
Actually, it's kind of gotten to me.
HOOPER:
How so?
HOLDEN:
Banky's not known for believing
misinformation. He's got a pretty
good bullshit detector.
HOOPER:
So, what if it is true? Would that
bother you?
HOLDEN:
Sex with multiple partners?
Hooper lets our a faux-shock shriek.
HOLDEN:
At the same time.
Again, even louder, hands slapped against his cheeks.
HOLDEN:
Thanks for being so comforting.
HOOPER:
So what do you care?
HOLDEN:
Well that's the thing, isn't it? I
shouldn't.. but it gets to me.
HOOPER:
Kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't think
she's been in the middle of an all -
girl group-grope?
HOLDEN:
You see - that doesn't bother me. But
the thought of her and guys... Uh!
HOOPER:
Oh Holden, I beg you - please don't
drop fifty stories in my opinion of
you by falling prey to that latest of
trendy beasts.
HOLDEN:
Which is?
HOOPER:
Lesbian chic. It's oh-so acceptable
to be a gay girl nowadays. People
think it's cute, because they've got
this fool picture in their heads about
lipstick lesbians - like they all
resemble Alyssa - while most of them
look more like you.
HOLDEN:
Do I detect a little inter-subculture
cattiness?
HOOPER:
Gay or straight - ugly's still ugly.
And most of those boys are scary.
HOLDEN:
I thought fags were all supposed to be
super-supportive of one another.
HOOPER:
Screw that 'all for one' sh*t. I
gotta deal with being the minority in
the minority of the minority, and
nobody's supporting my ass? While the
whole of society is fawning over girls-
on-girls, here I sit - a reviled gay
man, and to top that off, I'm a gay
black man - notoriously the most
swishy of the bunch.
HOLDEN:
Three strikes.
HOOPER:
Hey, hey! There's a line.
A young BLACK KID approaches Hooper, holding a comic
book.
KID:
Are you Hooper X?
HOOPER:
(in militant mode)
A-salaam Alaikum, little brother.
KID:
Could you sign my comic?
HOOPER:
(signing comic; nods to
Holden)
See that guy there? He's the devil,
you understand? Never take your eye
off the Man. Our people took their
eyes off him one time, and he had us
in chains in two shakes of his snake's
tail.
The Kid offers Holden an angry look. Hooper gives him
back his comic.
HOOPER:
Fight the power, little 'G'.
KID:
Word is bond
The Kid leaves, Hooper slips back into his real voice.
HOOPER:
Look at what I have to resort to for
professional respect. What is it
about gay men that terrifies the rest
of the world.
(shakes his head)
As for this hang-up with Alyssa's
past, maybe what's really bothering
you is that your fragile fantasy might
not be true.
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