Chasing Amy Page #16

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HOLDEN:

How the hell could you do those

things?!

ALYSSA:

Easily! Some of it I did out of

stupidity, some of it I did out of

what I thought was love, but - good or

bad - they were my choices, and I'm

not making apologies for them now -

not to you or anyone! And how dare

you try to lay a guilt trip on me

about it - in public, no less! Who

the f*** do you think you are, you

judgemental prick?!

HOLDEN:

How am I supposed to feel about all of

this?

ALYSSA:

How are you supposed to feel about it?

Feel what ever the f*** you want about

it! The only thing that really

matters is how you feel about me.

HOLDEN:

I don't know how I feel about you now.

ALYSSA:

Why? Because I had some sex?

HOLDEN:

Some sex?

ALYSSA:

Yes, Holden - that's all it was: some

sex! Most of it stupid high school

sex, for Christ's sake! Like you

never had sex in high school!

HOLDEN:

There's a world of f***ing difference

between typical high school sex and

two guys at once! They f***ing used

you?

ALYSSA:

I used them! You don't think I

would've let it happen if I hadn't

wanted it to, do you?! I was an

experimental girl, for Christ's sake!

Maybe you knew early on that your

track was from point 'a' to 'b' - but

unlike you I wasn't given a f***ing

map at birth, so I tried it all! That

is until we - that's you and I - got

together, and suddenly, I was sated.

Can't you take some f***ing comfort in

that? You turned out to be all I was

ever looking for - the missing piece

in the big f***ing puzzle!

(tries to calm down)

Look I'm sorry I let you believe that

you were the only guy I'd ever been

with. I should've been more honest.

But it seemed to make you feel special

in a way that me telling you over and

over again how incredible you are

would never get across.

She touches his face. He pulls back. She stares at him,

hurt and pissed.

ALYSSA:

Do you mean to tell me that - while

you have zero problem with me sleeping

with half the women in New York City -

you have some sort of half-assed,

mealy-mouthed objection to pubescent

antics, that took place almost ten

years ago? What the f*** is your

problem?!?

Holden's eyes are downcast. Alyssa waits for a response.

HOLDEN:

I want us to be something that we

can't.

ALYSSA:

And what's that?

HOLDEN:

(beat)

A normal couple.

Holden skulks off. Alyssa stares after him, and then

starts kicking and punching a car beside her, finally

slumping to the ground. She cries.

INT STUDIO - DUSK

Holden sits on the couch, alone in the dark. The door

opens and Banky enters. He stands there, sizing up

Holden's mood.

BANKY:

The girl?

Holden nods. Banky nods back. He stands there for a

beat. Then he sits beside Holden. He opens his arms.

Holden shifts into his friend's embrace and begins crying

on his shoulder. Banky pats his back. Pull back on a

man in pain and the comfort of a friend.

INT DINER - NIGHT

Holden sits alone at a booth. He stirs his iced tea.

OC VOICE:

Yo, look at this morose mother f***er

here..

Holden looks up. JAY and SILENT BOB stand above him.

JAY:

Smells like somebody sh*t in his

cereal.

Holden offers a half-smile. The pair slide into the

booth.

HOLDEN:

What took you so long?

JAY:

We were at the mall. You bring the

salad?

Holden pulls an envelope out of his jacket and tosses it

to Jay. Jay opens it and pulls out a thick wad of bills,

along with the latest issue of 'BLUNTMAN and CHRONIC.'

JAY:

Man, this likeness rights sh*t is more

profitable than selling smoke.

HOLDEN:

How'd a dirt merchant like you ever

learn about likeness rights?

JAY:

(hands envelope to Silent

Bob)

We deal to a lot of lawyers. Speaking

of which...

(pulls out a dime bag)

Little signing bonus and sh*t!

HOLDEN:

I'll pass. Take a look at the issue.

Silent Bob thumbs through the comic. Jay looks over his

shoulder, as he begins rolling a joint.

JAY:

Yeah. When you gonna get some p*ssy

in that book, man! Throw some super-

villain in with big f***ing tits that

shoot milk or something, and I just

drink her dry, bust some moves on

her...

(demonstrates)

...and then she has to f*** me.

(Silent Bob hits him)

F*** us.

HOLDEN:

I'll see what I can do.

A WAITRESS joins them.

WAITRESS:

What can I get you.

HOLDEN:

Nothing, thanks.

JAY:

Yo Flo - tell Mel to whip me up a

toasted bagel and cream cheese.

(to Silent Bob)

You want one too?

(Silent Bob nods)

Make that two. And kiss my grits.

Noonch.

(the Waitress leaves; to

Holden)

D'jever watch 'Alice'? That show's

good as hell.

(continues rolling)

So why the long face, Horse? Banky on

the rag?

HOLDEN:

When is he not? No - I'm just having

some girl trouble.

JAY:

B*tch pressing charges? I get that a

lot.

HOLDEN:

No. I'm just at a point where I don't

know what to do.

JAY:

Kick her to the curb. Girls get to be

too much trouble, there's always the

'band of the hand'.

HOLDEN:

Can't do it, g. I'm in love.

JAY:

Ah, there ain't no such thing. You

gotta boil it all down to the

essentials. It's like Cube says -

life ain't nothing but b*tches and

money.

HOLDEN:

Just what I needed - advice from the

'hood

JAY:

Who is this girl?

HOLDEN:

I don't think you know her.

JAY:

Come on man - I'm people who know

people.

HOLDEN:

You sound like Barbra Streisand.

JAY:

That's 'cause I got this tubby b*tch

playing her greatest hits tape in my

ear all the time. You should see him:

she starts singing 'You Don't Bring Me

Flowers', this f*ggot starts crying

like a little girl with a skinned knee

and sh*t. It's embarrassing. I got

the only muscle in the world with a

weakness for ballads.

(to Silent Bob)

You big f***ing softie.

(to Holden)

So what's this skirt's name!

HOLDEN:

I'm telling you, you don't know her.

JAY:

I ain't playing. Tell me her name,

Mysterio.

HOLDEN:

Alyssa Jones.

JAY:

Finger Cuffs?

Holden rubs his eyes.

JAY:

You're dating Finger Cuffs? Wait a

minute I thought she was all gay and

sh*t!

HOLDEN:

She is. Or was. I don't know.

The Waitress returns with the order.

JAY:

And you go out with her? Sh*t, man -

you're a lucky dog. She bring other

chicks to bed with you, get a little

of that filet o' fish sammich going

on?

The Waitress stares wide-eyed and offended at Jay.

JAY:

(off the Waitress' look)

Yeah - you know what I'm talking

about, baby.

(Waitress leaves; to

Holden)

So - four tits, or what?

HOLDEN:

It's not like that.

JAY:

Well what's it like then?

HOLDEN:

Right now?

(beat)

I don't know. I love her. But she

has a past

JAY:

I'll say. Stuffin' two guys, eating

chicks out. Yo - I heard one time,

she had this dog...

HOLDEN:

Eat your f***ing bagel already!

JAY:

(to Silent Bob)

Look at this touchy mother f***er

right here.

(to Holden)

So, if you're all in love with her,

what's the problem?

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