Chasing Amy Page #7

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EXEC 1

Which brings us to our proposal: we

are extremely interested in doing

twelve, half-hour 'Bluntman and

Chronic' cartoons. The age of Beavis

is coming to a close, and we're

looking for something... something...

BANKY:

Even more retarded and juvenile to

sate the voracious, intellectually-

challenged miscreants that make up

your key demographic.

The Execs laugh hard. Sloss secretly shrugs to Banky and

gives the thumbs up.

EXEC 1

(composes himself)

So what do you say! Are we in

business!

Banky leans back into the couch, wearing a thoughtful

face. He looks to Holden, then to Sloss. Sloss nods in

understanding.

SLOSS:

Jim, Sean - could we have a few

minutes!

EXEC 2

(looks to Exec 1)

Uh... absolutely. We'll just..

EXEC 1

Uh...wait outside

The Exec's smile and head our, closing the door behind

then. Sloss turns to Banky.

SLOSS:

So? Did I do good?

BANKY:

You did better - you sold us out!

They clasp hands and quietly explode in ebullience.

SLOSS:

Do you know how much you'll make on

merchandising alone!

BANKY:

(as Simon Bar Sinister)

Money and Power, and Money and

Power...

SLOSS:

(joins in)

Money dnd Power, and Money and...

HOLDEN:

(interrupting)

I don't think it's a good idea.

Banky and Sloss freeze. They stare at Holden.

BANKY:

What's not a good idea! Please don't

say the cartoon, please don't say the

cartoon...

HOLDEN:

The cartoon.

SLOSS:

What?!? Are you out of your f***ing

mind!

BANKY:

(getting up)

John, let me handle this.

( to Holden)

You are out of your f***ing mind,

aren't you!

HOLDEN:

Is this how you want to be remembered!

As the guy who created Bluntman and

Chronic!

Banky sits at the Exec's desk and starts rifling through

the guy's stuff.

BANKY:

No, I'd like to be remembered as the

filthy rich guy who created Bluntman

and Chronic.

HOLDEN:

But it'll be all glossy and main-

stream. We'll lose any artistic

credibility we ever had.

SLOSS:

(to Banky)

Is it me! I don't see the problem.

BANKY:

(to Sloss)

He just has to get over this crush of

his.

SLOSS:

Oh God - not on Carrie Fisher again!

(to Holden)

Holden - she's not really a Princess.

BANKY:

(opening drawer with a letter

opener)

Not on her; on Alyssa Jones - the

chick that does that comic book

'Idiosyncratic Routine'. You ever

seen it?

SLOSS:

Please. Like I even read your comic,

let alone anyone else's,

(to Holden)

I'm not limited to offering you legal

counsel only, my friend. I'm also

learned in the ways of the heart, and

can offer you this advice - nail her,

get it out of your system, and move

on. Like we say at Sloss Law - good

fences make good neighbors.

BANKY:

She'd never let him in her yard. The

chick's gay.

SLOSS:

(laughing)

She's gay? You fell for a gay, comic-

book writing chick? Holden, you poor,

poor man!

(beat)

Wait a sec - does she have

representation!

BANKY:

Always working, you.

(holds up a Polaroid of a

naked woman)

Look at this - Mrs. M-TV Exec has a

string of pearls hanging our of her

ass,

SLOSS:

Would you leave his stuff alone!

(to Holden)

You can break her resolve, killer.

All it takes is one good man. But if

it takes two good men, don't hesitate

to call me. That being said, in

regards to the more pressing issue, I

suggest you leave art to the museums

and grab on with both hands to the

big, fat check.

HOLDEN:

I'll give it some thought

BANKY:

(holding up Polaroid)

I'm taking this as a precaution - just

in case they give us any sh*t about

p*ssy's decision delay.

(glaring at Holden)

You'll 'give it some thought'. You're

so retarded

HOLDEN:

I'm retarded! This from the guy who

only forty five minutes ago paid fifty

bucks for what's supposed to be a boot-

leg of 'March of the Wooden Soldiers'

with a deleted scene of Stan Laurel

wearing a French Tickler.

SLOSS:

How'd you fall for that!

BANKY:

The guy who sold it to me had an

honest face.

INT. STUDIO - DAY

There is a door. There's a knock at the door. Holden

opens it and Alyssa is standing there.

ALYSSA:

Somebody told me that they make comic

books here, and I've got an idea for

this story about a guy who comes to a

club and high-tails it when he finds

out this girl is pay. Any interest in

a story like that!

Holden smiles.

EXT. RIVERFRONT PARK - DAY

Alyssa and Holden walk through the park, eating hot dogs.

ALYSSA:

M-TV?

HOLDEN:

Twelve episodes.

ALYSSA:

That's great, isn't it?

HOLDEN:

Banky seems to think so.

ALYSSA:

But you don't.

They come to a swing set and sit down on the swings.

HOLDEN:

I don't know if that's the perception

I want people to have of our stuff. I

know this sounds pretentious as hell,

but I like to think of us as artists.

And I'd like to get back to doing

something more personal - like our

first book.

ALYSSA:

Well when are you going to do that?

HOLDEN:

(beat)

As soon as we have something personal

to say.

ALYSSA:

Do you know how pretty you are?

HOLDEN:

What?

ALYSSA:

You're a pretty man.

HOLDEN:

Uh... thanks.

ALYSSA:

Oh. I get it. I'm into girls, so I

have to find all men repulsive or

something.

HOLDEN:

I didn't say anything.

ALYSSA:

Aren't there some men that you find

attractive? Granted, not enough to

sleep with, but still - just handsome

or something!

HOLDEN:

Sure. Harrison Ford. And our mail-

man.

ALYSSA:

Well it's the same thing. I look at

you and just find you really handsome.

And you know, it has very little to do

with your look, per-se. Your look is

fine, don't get me wrong. But it's

more your outlook. The things you

say, the way you see things. It's...

I don't know... attractive,

Holden looks away, embarrassed,

ALYSSA:

I weirded you our the other night

HOLDEN:

Huh! No, not really.

ALYSSA:

Come on.

HOLDEN:

(beat)

It's just that we've.., I mean, I've

never seen that kind of thing up close

and personal. It just took awhile to

process, longer than usual.

ALYSSA:

Do you want to talk about it!

HOLDEN:

Um. If you want to.

ALYSSA:

I like you. I haven't liked a man in

a long time. And I'm not a man-hater

or something. It's just been some

time since I've been exposed to a man

that didn't immediately live-into a

stereotype of some sort. And I want

you to feel comfortable with me,

because I want us to be friends. So

if there are things you'd like to

know, it's okay to ask me.

HOLDEN:

(beat)

Why girls?

ALYSSA:

(beat)

Why men?

HOLDEN:

Because that's the standard

ALYSSA:

If that's the only reason you're

attracted to women - because it's the

standard..

HOLDEN:

It's more than that.

ALYSSA:

So you've never been curious about

men?

HOLDEN:

Curious about men? Well... I always

wondered why my father watched 'Hee-

Haw'.

ALYSSA:

You know what I mean.

HOLDEN:

No.

ALYSSA:

Why not!

HOLDEN:

No interest.

ALYSSA:

Because...?

HOLDEN:

Girls feel right.

ALYSSA:

And that's how I feel. I've never

really been attracted to men. I'm

more comfortable with the idea of

girls.

HOLDEN:

Wait, wait, wait - you're still a

virgin?

ALYSSA:

No.

HOLDEN:

But you've only been with girls.

ALYSSA:

You're saying a person's a virgin

until they've had intercourse with a

member of the opposite sex?

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