Chastity Bites Page #3

I'm not gonna punk out on you

fifth grade.

I'm not gonna punk out on you b*tches now.

I'm not gonna punk out on you b*tches now.

That is, like, so cool.

B*tches now. That is, like,

so cool. It's, like, "true life -- I'm

that is, like, so cool. It's, like,

"true life -- I'm losing it with my friends."

It's, like, "true life -- I'm losing it with my friends."

[Cellphone chimes]

Losing it with my friends."

[Cellphone chimes] Travis won't stop blowing up

[cellphone chimes] Travis

won't stop blowing up my cell.

Travis won't stop blowing up my cell.

It's on for saturday, ladies,

my cell. It's on for saturday, ladies,

so get those afro snatches

it's on for saturday, ladies,

so get those afro snatches brazilian'd.

So get those afro snatches brazilian'd.

Oh, brit, you still have our

brazilian'd. Oh, brit,

you still have our safe house covered?

Oh, brit, you still have our safe house covered?

My mom's still in rehab.

Safe house covered?

My mom's still in rehab. We know drama.

My mom's still in rehab.

We know drama. [Cellphone chimes]

We know drama.

[Cellphone chimes] Ooh! [Giggles]

[Cellphone chimes] Ooh!

[Giggles] Okay, chicas, let's go tell

ooh! [Giggles] Okay, chicas,

let's go tell the boys.

Okay, chicas,

let's go tell the boys. [Squeals]

The boys. [Squeals] All:

Love you long time.

[Squeals] All:
Love you long time.

[Indistinct conversation]

Gross!

They really said all that? Yeah.

They really said all that?

Yeah. So... What do you think?

Yeah. So... What do you think?

"Losing it -- a group sport for

so... What do you think?

"Losing it -- a group sport for today's teens."

"Losing it -- a group sport for today's teens."

Is that not just the story I've

today's teens."

Is that not just the story I've been looking for?

Is that not just the story I've been looking for?

Wait, leah.

Been looking for? Wait, leah.

You're not gonna smear them in

wait, leah.

You're not gonna smear them in the school paper again?

You're not gonna smear them in the school paper again?

Forget the paper.

The school paper again? Forget the paper.

This is tied to larger social

forget the paper.

This is tied to larger social issues.

This is tied to larger social issues.

I mean, I could blog it, try to

issues. I mean, I could blog it,

try to get it linked to huff po or

i mean, I could blog it,

try to get it linked to huff po or daily kos.

Get it linked to huff po or daily kos.

Sweet jesus.

Daily kos. Sweet jesus.

You're like the julian assange

sweet jesus.

You're like the julian assange of sghs.

You're like the julian assange of sghs.

Oh, come on.

Of sghs. Oh, come on.

Like this is any major

oh, come on.

Like this is any major revelation?

Like this is any major revelation?

Those sluts have been giving

revelation?

Those sluts have been giving hand jobs since the eighth

those sluts have been giving

hand jobs since the eighth grade.

Hand jobs since the eighth grade.

Breaking the safety seal on

grade. Breaking the safety seal

on their overly waxed punanis --

breaking the safety seal on their overly

waxed punanis -- barely a technicality at this

their overly waxed punanis --

barely a technicality at this point.

Barely a technicality at this point.

And besides, I'll just use

point. And besides,

I'll just use pseudonyms again.

And besides,

I'll just use pseudonyms again. Ohh.

Pseudonyms again. Ohh.

You won't be happy until you

ohh. You won't be happy until

you completely ruin my life, will

you won't be happy until you completely ruin my life,

will you?

Completely ruin my life,

will you? Don't be so dramatic.

You? Don't be so dramatic.

Look, in a couple months, we'll

don't be so dramatic. Look, in a couple months,

we'll finally be out of tea-bagger

look, in a couple months, we'll finally be out

of tea-bagger heaven, and I promise you, you

finally be out of tea-bagger heaven,

and I promise you, you won't even remember the

heaven, and I promise you, you won't even

remember the kardashians' names, let alone

won't even remember the kardashians' names,

let alone all the crap we took from them.

Kardashians' names,

let alone all the crap we took from them. Leah.

All the crap we took from them.

Leah. Come on, kath.

Leah. Come on, kath.

All we need's each other, right?

Come on, kath.

All we need's each other, right? [Sighs]

All we need's each other, right?

[Sighs] Right.

[Sighs] Right.

Yeah!

Right. Yeah!

[Crickets chirping]

[Indistinct conversations] Please, everyone,

may I have -- sweetie, the wine.

Please, everyone, may I have -- sweetie, the wine.

May I have your attention for a

have -- sweetie, the wine.

May I have your attention for a few moments?

May I have your attention for a few moments?

You have all entrusted concerned

few moments? You have all entrusted

concerned citizens of san griento with

you have all entrusted concerned citizens of san

griento with upholding the traditional values

citizens of san griento with upholding the

traditional values that make our community such a

upholding the traditional values that make our

community such a wonderful place to live and

that make our community such a wonderful

place to live and raise our children.

Wonderful place to live and raise our children.

But as you also know, those

raise our children. But as you also know,

those things we hold dear are under

but as you also know, those things we hold

dear are under constant attack from socialists

things we hold dear are under constant attack

from socialists and the liberal homosexual

constant attack from socialists and

the liberal homosexual agenda.

And the liberal homosexual agenda.

[Crowd murmuring]

Agenda. [Crowd murmuring] therefore,

I have proposed an

[crowd murmuring] Therefore,

I have proposed an overhauled abstinence-education

therefore, I have proposed an overhauled

abstinence-education program for our young people in

overhauled abstinence-education program

for our young people in the high school.

Program for our young people in the high school.

[Applause]

The high school.

[Applause] co-authored by our fellow board

[applause] Co-authored by our fellow

board members judy lopez and

co-authored by our fellow board members

judy lopez and jan beauright, this program will

members judy lopez and jan beauright,

this program will be privately funded and not

jan beauright, this program will be privately

funded and not subject to the whims of big

be privately funded and not subject

to the whims of big government.

Subject to the whims of big government.

I am pleased to report that I

government. I am pleased to report

that I have found the perfect person to

i am pleased to report that I have found the

perfect person to lead this new venture.

Have found the perfect person to lead this new venture.

She recently fled the immoral

lead this new venture.

She recently fled the immoral climate of her homeland in

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