Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Page #4

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Where's the gift shop?

Oh, you brought your dog.

- Sorry. Just say "sit".

- Down, Gunner.

Tom. Baker!

OK!

Somebody help.

- I'm fine.

- They're called obedience schools, Baker!

- Are you all right?

- I'm fine.

- Tie Fido up for five minutes.

- Honey, he's fine. Just let him play.

We don't want that animal near the dining set.

It was a gift from the king of Thailand.

Mark, there's a leash in the car. Get it.

- Why don't we all go inside?

- Good idea.

I'll be right back.

Sarah. You wanna go on the Seadoo

with me and Jake before we eat?

Yeah. Sure.

Cool. Let's go.

Are you coming or not, dude?

Yeah.

Jimmy. Almost forgot.

Oh, Tom, for heaven's sake.

You didn't have to do this.

- "Sparkling Cheesehead"

- Wisconsin's finest bubbly.

Oh, I'm sure it is. Might have to let this baby

age about two, three hundred years, Tom.

Superstar, do me a favour. Take this to

the cellar and bring a bottle of Taittinger.

- Sure.

- I'll give you a hand.

- It's a fantastic place.

- It's not much, but I call it a second home.

How come you guys

haven't built your own house up here?

With 12 kids, you've gotta use the money

for food and water.

I bet if Tom had kept that job at lllinois Poly

he could have built a place like this.

Oh, well. Life's full of choices.

Some good, some not so good.

Honey, why don't you take Kate and show her

the dining set the king of Thailand gave us?

- OK, honey.

- Oh, I'd love to look at the plates from a king.

- Don't get lost, honey.

- Tom, I wanna show you something.

Feast your eyes on these honeys, Tom.

Albino ironwood,

right out of the Peruvian rainforest.

Mmm, you can still smell the jungle on 'em.

Go ahead, take a whiff.

Come on. Rest your honker

on the log and take a whiff.

- Smells like global warming.

- That's moss. It's moss, Tom.

Well, this is the trophy room.

- Are those your kids?

- Yeah. That's the Murtaugh victory reel.

- It's on a loop.

- It's a good room.

I'll tell you why

I love this room so much, Tom.

All the trophies, the ribbons,

the prizes - past, present and future.

It's proof that children can be groomed

to reflect the best aspects

of any given gene pool.

- You just have to keep them on a short leash.

- I couldn't agree more.

My Anne's proof of that.

You're looking a lot more put together

than you did a few years ago.

Thanks.

Remember your nose was too big,

and that skin irritation on your hand?

It just kept working its way

up your arm and into your neck...

I'm glad that it's gone, though. Looks good.

Well, if I remember correctly,

you weren't so hot yourself.

That mutt could use a shorter leash too.

She's so cool.

Yeah, the kids and I spent a weekend

putting that dock together.

Nothing like a little manual labour

to keep you humble. Sit down, Tom.

- So Jimmy has matching pants to that shirt?

- Mm-hm.

Boy, this place wasn't put together overnight.

- Does Daddy know about your tattoo?

- No.

- I'm sorry, Mom.

- I'm so sorry.

It's OK. I'm fine.

- It's like spring break. Hope I win.

- I've got a shirt you can borrow.

- A shirt? OK.

- Mom, l...

- Are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- If my dad finds out before l...

- You'll get grounded?

Please, just don't say anything.

Nice hands.

- Hey, Sarah.

- Hey, Dad.

You should see Mr Murtaugh's new Seadoo.

That's terrific. Now turn around

and pretend to be looking at the view.

Why?

Turn around and pretend

to be looking at the view.

Are you still in touch with your dark gifts?

Punking, practical jokes,

soaking underwear and...

- Meat.

- Yeah.

- Classic.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm in touch. Why?

- I have a mission for you.

Who's the target?

Murtaugh.

I can help you. Hi.

- As long as I don't do time for the crime.

- Hey, guys. Hi.

Done.

No grounding. No allowance dockage.

No spiel about the difference

between right and wrong.

And you have no problem

with the methods that I choose.

It's your contract, do with it what you will.

- Agreed?

- Agreed.

Hey, give Daddy a hug. Nail him.

Guys, guys. Guys! I have a mission for you.

- It's top-secret, and it's high-priority.

- Yeah? What is it?

Come on. I'll show you.

- Positions.

- Check.

Oh, my gosh. It's a purple bigfoot.

- What are you talking about?

- A purple bigfoot!

- A what?

- I don't see anything.

Ha ha. Made you look, made you look.

- Made you look.

- You are so stupid.

- Did I mention the dining set was a gift...?

- The king of Thailand. Yeah, you did.

- Give me that roll.

- I see your kids can't wait to get started.

Well, that's just the way they are.

Hey, you guys.

No eating until everyone's seated.

Wow.

- Eyes up here, honey.

- Doesn't she look hot?

Doesn't hold a candle to you, honey.

Come on, let's sit down.

- Where have you been all my life?

- All right.

- Tom, right over here.

- Thank you.

Ignore the place card.

Sit next to your wife.

Fine. Fine, if you want chaos.

Right here, Tom.

Believe me, I don't mind.

Dad. Don't...

Oh, the seat cushion is soft.

- So, you two play tennis?

- Yeah.

- You're in the meat seat.

- What?

Agh!

I knew that dog was gonna be trouble.

Sit!

My china.

(# theme from "Jaws")

- Where is he?

- I don't know.

You don't know?

It's OK. It happens all the time.

It doesn't. I'm so sorry. I'm really

embarrassed. Thank you for the lovely shirt.

I insist that you send me a bill for this.

Don't even think about it.

What's a few thousand dollars here or there?

The main thing is you had a good time.

We'll talk about it later.

I'll see you on the tennis court.

Bring your A game.

- Bye.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

- That was not nothing.

This was not nothing. That was something.

All right. In the house.

I know. I'm a horrible father.

- Honey, you broke your promise.

- What promise?

That you'd not get involved

in this competitive thing.

It's just all so infantile.

- He tried to tell us how to raise the kids.

- Meaning?

- He thinks the kids are...

- Did he say it?

No, but you could tell that he implied

that's what he thought, that the kids were...

- Uh-uh.

- "Uh-uh" is right.

"l do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam-l-am."

Aren't you a little old for that book?

- She's reading to the baby.

- Reading to the baby?

Unborn babies, they're comforted

by the sound of their mother's voice.

- Just don't spoil my linebacker.

- The baby's gonna be what it wants to be.

Just let us be the parents, OK, Dad?

Come on, Bud. I'm hungry.

Yeah. Me too.

- Hi, Mr Baker.

- Hi, Eliot. What's up?

- I was looking for Sarah.

- You mean Jake?

Sarah and I and Calvin,

we're going boarding this afternoon.

Well, she'll be back soon.

- OK. I'll just wait on the dock.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Sit down.

OK.

What do you do for a living, Eliot?

Um... I'm in eighth grade.

Oh, yeah. Right.

- And, uh... how's that going for you?

- Fine.

- Are you on any teams?

- Football, boarding and baseball.

All that focus on sports -

that must impact your grades quite a bit.

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