Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Page #5

---

No. Actually, you know,

I'm an honours student.

- You, uh... play any instruments?

- Drums.

Oh. You're probably

in one of those punk bands, right?

Timpani. You know, school orchestra.

- Hey, Eliot.

- See you, Mr Baker.

Later, dude... Dad.

Oh, guys.

- What now?

- Mind if I go waterboarding with you?

It's kneeboarding,

and I'm pretty sure you can't do it.

If Jimmy can do it, I can.

You must be Calvin.

- Nice to meet you. I just got back from Yale.

- Congratulations.

I'll just squeeze in over here. There we go.

- Is everybody ready?

- Yeah.

- Fun, huh?

- Yeah. Why don't you go first?

Guys, keep an eye on him, all right?

You ready, Mr Baker?

OK, I'm... Whoa!

- Sorry he interrogated you.

- My dad would have done the same thing.

- Really?

- You should come to my house sometime.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

He's really easy and likes to keep low-key.

- Do you have a favourite subject?

- Probably math.

Agh!

Stop!

You'll do better next time, Mr Baker. It's OK.

- Are you sure he'll be OK?

- Yeah, he'll be fine.

Dad! Are you OK?

It's all good.

Well... I'll go put on a little perfume.

Sarah, Eliot seems OK.

- I see why you like him.

- Somebody's turning red.

Shut up!

Thanks a lot, Dad.

- What did I say?

- Men can be so clueless.

Honey, men are clueless.

- I'll go talk to her.

- Mom, let me do this, OK?

Trust me, I've got experience

in the area of parental harassment.

Hey, I totally know how you feel.

How are you?

Dad can be pretty hands-on,

in-your-face sometimes, huh?

Just leave me alone.

A, I'm never trying to help her again.

And B, I cannot wait to move to New York.

- What are you doing here?

- This is where I run. What are you doing?

- I like to get out of the house.

- Take a break from the perfect daughter bit?

Hey, I'm not the only one who's

putting on an act for Daddy around here.

You've hated the city since we were kids.

- Why go to school there?

- Seemed like the right thing to do.

Did it seem like the right thing to do because

your parents said it was the right thing to do?

No. My parents wanted me

closer to home, that's why.

Are you gonna live at home forever?

I just gotta figure out my next move and do it.

How about you, superstar?

What's the master plan, huh?

Somehow I gotta tell my dad

I'm not built for corporate life.

- Good luck.

- So for now, I'm just gonna draw.

- What do you draw?

- Stay still, Baker.

Whoa. Yeah, right. You're not drawing me,

cos I'm gonna... OK, right here? Is this good?

- If I stay here? It might be better...

- Stop smiling.

- Sarah, come on. Hurry up!

- OK. OK.

- Has anybody seen my other tennis shoe?

- No.

No, I haven't.

- Have you seen my other tennis shoe?

- No. Chiseller!

You chiselling little...

Great.

- Hey, how are you doing?

- Hey, guys.

- Good to see you.

- Hi.

Nice shoes. Kidding. Let's warm up.

OK, let's do it.

- Come on, Murtaugh!

- Got it.

I don't remember you out here

when we were kids.

Dad didn't allow us

to come out into the woods. OK, I'm done.

That's Charlie Baker

figuring out his next move.

- You're good.

- Tell my dad.

Maybe he'll let me transfer

to Madison Art School.

- You wanna live up here and go to school?

- This lake is my favourite place on the planet.

- Why?

- I've always fantasised about moving here.

I don't know,

maybe open up a garage or something.

- Looks like you figured out your next move.

- I think you're right.

Wanna go for a walk or something?

- Is Charlie Baker asking me out on a date?

- I'm not sure our fathers would approve.

Let's go.

Yours. Nice. Nice!

This is mine.

- It's these shoes.

- OK. All right.

A poor workman blames his tools, Tom.

- Just serve it.

- This is payback for the china.

Come on. Give me your best, Jimmy,

give me your best.

- I got it.

- I got it.

- I got it, I got it, I got it.

- I got it.

Mine.

- Got it.

- I got it.

- Mine.

- Whoa.

- It's turbo.

- I'm in so much trouble. There's no way.

- Don't be a wimp.

- I'm not a wimp.

- Come on. Get in.

- OK, just one little cruise.

Come on, Baker. I'm getting old here.

Just be careful.

Whoa! Slow down!

Mr and Mrs Baker, excuse me. There's

a call from security over at the gift shop.

- What's this about?

- Just follow me.

Slow down! Stop!

Slow down!

We're willing to let it slide if you

promise to keep your kids under control.

I really appreciate that.

We'll take care of it.

- There you go. Thanks, Skippy.

- Thank you, Mr Murtaugh.

Are you just gonna talk to her?

How I discipline my kids

is none of your business.

You know, I've been trying to say this

in a nice way, but...

Well, there's a reason

your kids are screw-ups.

My kids screwed up. They are not screw-ups.

You're not strict enough.

Parenting isn't a popularity contest, Tom,

but I guess if you knew that,

your kids wouldn't be so undisciplined.

The only problem with my kids

is they're hanging out with yours.

It wasn't my daughter

who got caught stealing.

It wasn't my son who trashed a tennis court.

Do you actually think

I'm screwing up my kids, Baker?

Yeah. And one day they're gonna crack.

Well, why don't we test that theory?

On Labor Day.

Murtaughs versus Bakers. For the cup.

You're on.

We'll see you there.

Let's go.

Did you just agree

to that competition thing and the cup?

Yeah.

OK, missy, let's go walk and talk.

Now, tell me what this is all about,

because it's so not you.

- I was embarrassed.

- Look at me, honey.

Embarrassed about what?

Make-up.

Oh, honey. You know you can come to me

any time with anything. You know that, right?

- Mm-hm.

- OK.

And I know why you wanted the make-up.

It was for Eliot, right?

Yeah.

I'm just not pretty like Nora or Lorraine.

I thought maybe the make-up would... help.

You're beautiful.

I want you to remember

something else that's really important.

When you like a boy,

never be anybody but yourself.

Eliot liked you without make-up, didn't he?

- Do you think he really likes me?

- How could he not?

- No more felonies. Deal?

- Deal.

Good.

- The Labor Day Cup's gonna be a bloodbath.

- You got that right.

From now on, no seeing the Murtaughs,

no talking to them, no thinking about them.

- Can't we compete and still see them?

- No.

Right now, I am not a father. I am a coach.

And we're gonna be training twice a day,

every day, starting outside in ten minutes.

(# "Under Pressure"

by Queen and David Bowie)

Jumping jacks, jumping jacks. Good.

Lorraine, come on. Push-ups. One, two.

Now back up to jumping jacks.

- Lorraine, come on.

- OK.

And toss.

Toss.

- Toss. Toss.

- Dad!

- Just toss.

- Dad, lay off.

- Toss!

- I'm tossing.

No crying.

- Step back.

- That's it. I can't handle the pressure, Dad!

Eggs cost money.

OK, it's a three-legged race, but run

as if you had two! On your mark, get set, go.

Go. Let's go.

- Your fault!

- Hey!

Come on, come on, get in. Come on.

- Murtaugh! Murtaugh! Murtaugh! Murtaugh!

- Dad! We're not Murtaughs!

Rate this script:1.5 / 2 votes