Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Page #6

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Take a deep swing. Boom, just like that.

Give it a good one. Come on.

One more.

That's a zero.

I really love having a family dinner where

all you can hear is forks hitting the plates.

You know, this could be our last chance

together and you're totally ruining it.

I'm glad we're moving to Houston. And so is

lron Mike or Donna Baker Butkus McNulty.

Bulk up.

You're burning a hole in my face.

Tom.

You've gotta stop

this whole training camp thing.

This is not some little fence-line squabble.

This is an epic battle between two families.

No. No, no, honey.

I think this is Tom versus Jimmy.

I'm sorry, General, but you're losing

the respect of your troops.

That's dangerous. Give the kids some space.

Are you asking me to back out?

No, honey. It's just... Especially with Sarah.

This is her first crush. Come on.

- What, with Eliot?

- Yes.

She needs to know that we trust her.

She couldn't come to me

and tell me she wanted to wear make-up.

Is that the kind of relationship

you want her to have with us?

- Hey, Sarina. How are you?

- Hi.

Let's run.

- Just leave it. They'll get somebody.

- OK.

The kids drop stuff all the time

and leave me.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

- How do you manage 12 kids?

- Oh, with great difficulty. Trust me.

Good, cos I have no idea what I'm doing.

You've got a lot of fruit.

I'd get some of this refined sugar.

It's great for

negotiating purposes or whatever.

Jimmy's gone overboard

with this tough love thing.

The kids are miserable

and he doesn't even see it.

He and Tom bring out the best in each other.

I'm actually getting a kick out of it.

Very entertaining.

- And exhausting.

- This is good.

If tonight's good, I'll ask my dad.

So hopefully tonight will work.

OK. See you.

Not my little girl.

Hey, Dad.

Um... Are you OK?

Yeah. I just need you to help me

pace out 25 yards for the egg race,

starting here, OK? There you go.

- Yeah.

- OK, go ahead.

- Hey, Dad, I was...

- Those steps are too small.

- Those steps...

- Can I go to the movies with Eliot tonight?

..are too big.

I guess so.

Sarah!

Sarah! Nora has to urinate, and a full bladder

puts inordinate strain on the embryotic sac...

Kim! Thank you.

We could just go with "hurry up".

Hurry up!

I need... Lorraine.

You get Lorraine, I'll pee outside.

Hey. It's me.

How's it going?

Eliot asked me out, and I'm kind of new

to the dating thing, so...

- Are you gonna make me beg?

- I was thinking about it.

Come on.

Let's start with your make-up.

Lorraine...

- Thanks.

- Don't worry about it.

- Pink?

- Come on.

Can't we do, like, a skin colour?

There you go. It looks good.

Hey, guys.

Guys. I need everybody's attention.

Sarah's about to come downstairs,

and she's going on her date tonight.

She looks a little different,

so I would really appreciate it

if you guys could give her

the respect that you never gave me,

and not ridicule her style choices before she

enters the world of multi-gender interaction.

So go about your little chores

and act completely natural.

Lorraine.

I think you're going

to do just fine in New York.

Thank you.

Hubba-hubba.

You look very pretty, honey. You always do.

Thank you.

Well, I'm going to the movies.

Well, sounds good. Need some money?

No. I have some from lawn mowing.

- Limo's here.

- There's Mr Murtaugh.

Well, have fun, and I'll pick you up

outside the theatre at nine.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye, cutie.

I'll save a spot for you on the varsity.

Have fun.

- Cute, isn't she?

- Yeah.

Seems like yesterday that was you, missy.

- You're not gonna start crying, are you, Dad?

- I'm a football coach, remember?

- I like Henrietta.

- You are not calling it Henrietta.

All right. What have we got to eat?

Can I go to the movies

with Eliot?

Can I go to the movies with Eliot?

Honey, do you want something to eat?

T om, do you want something to eat?

No. You know what?

Actually, I should go get Sarah.

It's 7:
30. The movie just started.

I'm not going directly.

I'm just gonna stop and get gas first.

There's bound to be traffic,

cos it's Labor Day weekend.

- Sure there is.

- I'll get going.

And I don't trust those fish clocks.

They're notoriously slow.

I love you, sweetheart.

Thank you.

One, please.

What are you doing here?

If you must know, I'm here to make sure

this movie is appropriate for our children.

- It's rated G.

- Shh!

Shh!

Sir, could you please sit down?

- What are you doing here so early?

- Father of the daughter always arrives early.

- Everybody knows that.

- Excuse me. Is there a problem here?

- He's harassing me.

- He's guilty of overparenting.

If you two can't keep it down,

I'm going to throw both of you out.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

What? He's stretching.

- He's doing "the move".

- What move?

You're sitting in the theatre, you fake a yawn...

Oh, boy, am I tired.

Hand comes over.

Then a little while later, head comes over,

giving you extra reach here.

Mom, look at those two down there.

See what I mean?

Oh, sweet Jesus.

- Warning number two.

- He was showing me "the move".

Do you mind?

- You don't know "the move"?

- No. I don't know "the move", OK?

And I wasn't a hormone-crazed Romeo

when I was a kid. I had self-control.

- I had social sophistication, like my son.

- Be quiet down there!

- Your son has hormones like every teenager.

- Meaning what?

Meaning on the sophistication scale,

he's one step above ape.

- Are you calling my son an ape?

- He's an ape like every other male teenager.

- Take it back.

- I'm not gonna take it back.

Take it...

Take it back.

- Were you gonna poke me?

- No, I was not gonna poke you.

- You were gonna poke me.

- Because you were asking for it.

If I'm asking for it,

why don't you give it to me?

- Oh, you want a poke?

- What's going on down there?

- Call that a poke?

- I call that a practice.

- Give me your best poke. I want your best.

- You're asking for it.

I do. Yeah.

Agh!

Hey! Call somebody. Somebody help.

Hi.

- Hey, honey, how did it... go?

- Dad was totally spying on me.

You ruined everything.

There's no way that I'm competing for you

in that stupid cup tomorrow.

- I can't believe you did that.

- Really, Dad, that is so Big Brother.

- Yeah, let's go.

- Come on, Bud, let's put this baby to bed.

Not cool, Dad.

You and Jimmy aren't so different, Dad.

Different styles, yeah, but... same result.

Let's go, guys.

Honey.

Honey, we talked about this, didn't we?

The tighter you hang on,

the more they're gonna pull away. Right?

I'll go talk to her.

Well, we're gonna go compete for the cup.

Couldn't get any more volunteers, huh?

You gonna come

and watch us kick some hiney?

Well, maybe I will, honey,

when I get everybody fed.

I'm sorry.

- OK, guys. Come on, let's go.

- Come on, Dad.

And I'm sorry too.

- Did Dad go?

- Yep. With Kyle and Nigel.

Hey. The Chiseller's got my wallet.

- Check it out.

- Must have an escape hatch.

- Look at all this stuff.

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