Cheaper by the Dozen Page #3

everybody else gets their own room.

- Now, go kill each other for the best one!

- That's great.

Hey, Charlie.

You're gonna need a car to visit Beth.

The Olds is yours now.

You trying to bribe me?

Is it working?

Little bit.

Come on.

Welcome home, Kate.

- It's gonna be great, Tom.

- Mmm.

Jessica, come here.!

Check this out.!

- This room is huge.!

- Can I see this one?

Whoa-ho!

Back it up, FedEx.

If anyone gets the room

across from me, it's Charlie.

- And are you Charlie? No.

- Dude, I call this room.

- Nobody else gets it, okay?

- Look at the view from here.!

- It's spectacular.!

- Can I share with you?

Oh, God.

They're fast-food people.

Hello?

People are here!

- Hi.

- Hi. I'm Tina Shenk.

This is my husband Bill

and our son Dylan.

- How do you do?

- We, uh, live across the street.

- Thank you. This is lovely. I'm Kate. This is Tom.

- Hi.

- We're the Bakers.

- Oh!

- Gunner! Gunner!

- I am so sorry.

- Sorry.

- Are you hiding a cheeseburger anywhere on your person?

I- I don't eat meat.

- Jake?

- Dude! Two words: manners.

- What's up? Wanna help me unpack?

- Sure.

- Put your sweater on, sweetie.

- He's inside, dear.

Don't start, okay?

So, uh, is Jake

your only child?

No. We have 12.

I couldn't

keep her off me.

- Heads up!

- Oh!

- Little less wrist, Mike.

- Got it.

- Game on.!

- Uh, they're playing hockey in the house?

Well, if the game gets bigger than

three-on-three, then they have to take it outside.

Uh, Dylan doesn't really

care for rough play.

Uh, you're gonna wanna

stop now, dude.

Oh, my God!

- Hang on, buddy!

- A little help here!

- I got him! I got him!

- Save my baby!

Don't worry, Dylan. I swing

from the chandelier all the time.

- Cool!

- All right.

Aah! I got him! I-

Oh! I don't got him!

Oh, my God!

So, Dylan,

know any good restaurants?

I've got you, Dylan.!

Don't worry, honey.!

- Whoa.!

- You can let go, Dylan. I think she's got you.

- Spin him this way so I can-

- Oh, my God.!

- Oh, sweetie, are you all right?

- I'm fine, Mom.

- Oh, dear.

- You know, for the entire minute and a half we lived here...

I really hated

that chandelier.

Here we go.

Okay. We, uh- We better go.

It's time for your chess lesson.

I don't have

a chess lesson, Mom.

Well, then, you need to practice

for your chess lesson.

Come over anytime, dude.

Uh, we'll, uh, we'll call,

schedule a play date.

No need.

Just come by anytime.

Oh, no, we'll call.

- You're all invited to my birthday.

- Oh-ho. That'll be fun.

Hey, Charlie, come on down

and help me with this, okay?

Careful, honey.

There's glass everywhere.

- I got it, Mom.

- Okay, well, I'll help you.

- Hey, Shake, what's up?

- You okay?

Really?

Okay, well,

I'll see you there.

Hey! Hey, guess what? Fox Sports

wants to interview me on TV!

- Okay, well, we got this.

- Dad's gotta earn a living!

Twelve kids.

That's the throwback.

Irresponsible is what is is.

How come we didn't

have more kids?

Because we wanted

one perfect child...

and that's what we got.

Cool.

Honey, I'm gonna be home late

tonight. I got another press conference.

Come on. Whatever happened

to that stud...

who sat across from me

at dinner every night?

He got his dream job,

remember?

- Good-bye, Dad.

- See ya, buddy.

Tell the masseuse I'm running

about 15 minutes late.

- Day 14 on the alien planet.

- Where you goin'?

To sign up for football.

And, no, you can't come.

Could this place be

any more boring?

- There's, like, nothing to do around here.

- I could give you a makeover.

All righty, then.

Hi.

I'm Charlie Baker.

Oh, yeah, Tom Baker's boy.

Read where his old buddy Shake

threw him a bone.

Offense or defense?

I'm a quarterback.

Yeah, well,

maybe in Cowpie, Illinois.

This is 4-A, Skippy.

The bigs.

Put him on defense.

Cornerback.

By the way, when you show up

for practice, don't be wearing that hat.

Okay, uh, let's see.

Who's next? Yes?

It's been reported that you like

to blast music in your locker room. Why?

Uh, well,

it loosens up the players...

and, uh,

gets 'em psyched.

Unless, of course, I start dancing.

Then they just get nauseous.

At least we get

to see him on TV.

Coach,

how do you manage a family of 12...

and a football team?

Well, I've got

a great team here...

and a solid support system

at home.

- Go to bed, kids.

- Okay, you heard the coach.

Off to bed. Here we go.

In Midland, we were a family.

Now we're a support system?

A family is a support system, Butch.

Hello? Who's this?

- Somebody from something something.

- Okay. Shh.

Hello? Yeah, hi, Diane.

This is business. Salmons

and pinks are so homemaker.

All right, focus on

your navies and your grays.

Navy is muscle, gray is smarts. Choose

either, and you'll rule the boardroom.

- What's going on?

- Guess what?

Diane Phillips called.

My book's getting published.

Did I tell you

we're gonna have it all?

- You've never said that.

- I'm tellin' you now, baby! Whoo!

- Oh-oh.

- Oh!

- Oh.! Whoa.!

- Mmm.!

Ooh!

Oh, my God! Can you guys just please

wait till I leave the room?

Can you hurry?

- All right, there's one thing.

- What?

They asked me to go

to New York for a few days.

- Oh.

- "Oh"?

That was a good "oh,"

as in "okay. "

Yes, it's not

the best timing in the world.

- But you're going to New York. I can handle this.

- You'll manage.

Yeah.

Well, you haven't been home much,

Tom, since we moved here.

And you're gonna have to, you know,

shop for school supplies...

get 'em dressed

and-and bathed so they're clean...

- and put 'em to bed at night, walk Gunner-

- Been there. Done all that.

- You're considering this?

- I'm not considering it.

You're going. Nora can help me out

around the house.

New York. Wow.

Yeah. Wow.

It totally sucks. I miss you too...

but, I mean, I gotta get a job.

Hi, Lorraine.

Okay, I'll try

and be there, honey.

Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I-I know I haven't

been very friendly recently.

They are pulling me in again!

- Just tell 'em you can't do it.

- Can you guys hold on a second?

That's easy for you to say.

You're an only child.

It might be fun

to babysit together.

No! Whoa, no!

No. You know what happened

last time we visited.

- They were welcoming you into the family.

- They set me on fire!

Just your pants.

Honey, I am an actor, okay? And, sure,

last time it was just my pants.

But what if next time

it's my face?

This is the moneymaker.

I'm not that good of an actor.

This is how I get the jobs.

I know that.

I'm man enough to admit it.

Please?

- Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that!

- Please, please, please, please?

You always do that to me.

Fine, fine. You know what? We'll go.

But I'll tell you what.

One thing happens, and I'm gone.

And no fires.

And we sleep in the same room.

Kimmy, put Dad on.

She says she'll help us out if

they can stay in the same room.

No. No way.

No, she knows the rules. She wants

to have her own room when she's here.

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