Cheaper by the Dozen Page #6

Cute car seats, Baker.

You know, we had to take

our little brothers to nursery school...

if that's okay with you.

What happened? Did-Did Mommy

and Daddy go back to the farm?

You know what? This whole "harass

the hick" thing's getting pretty old.

Actually, I'm just

gettin' started.

- Yeah? What else you got?

- Yeah.

- You don't wanna know, man.

- Oh, I wanna know.

Charlie!

Charlie, Charlie, stop.

Stop. Just let it go,

okay? Please.

Yeah, Charlie.

Let it go, and go...

all the way back to Podunk.

- Charlie, go.

- Go.

Hey, Gil, I got

a real shot with this team.

They're 2-0. They're rising in

the national standings...

and they're taking

nothing for granted.

- Hey, Coach.

- Hey, teenager, what's up?

- We need to talk.

- Sure.

- Look, Dad, um-

- Hey, guys, knock it off!.

All right, Coach.!

I know you're all lit up

about this new job...

- but my new school-

- The press is waiting, Bake!

- They're out there now? - Yeah. Come on.

Get dressed. - Hey, can we do this later?

Hey, kids.

How was your day at school?

I'd say the high point was that you're

only 45 minutes late picking us up.

Hey, you know what? There was

a pep rally at school today.

There were 20,000 people in the stands,

and I just couldn't leave.

- Here.

- Hey, you did a drawing.

"My favorite place

in the world-"

Is that the Midland house?

President Gerhard and I have been

waiting for a half an hour.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I had to-

I know you have responsibilities

at home, Bake, but this is it.

This is your shot,

your moment, not theirs.

What's the matter with you?

What are you doing?

You've wanted this

for as long as I've known you.

I just don't want to

see you blow it.

I'll work something out.

It's hard to believe someone as

staggeringly beautiful as you...

could deliver 12 children and

still look as yummy as you do.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I guess the camera

can't see my hips.

Tell us,

did you have them conventionally?

Well, uh, after the sixth one,

they just kind of walked out.

- Why don't you read us a little

something from your book?

Oh, I don't know. No. People

can just buy it and then read it.

- Oh, come on.

- The audience wants it.

Oh, all right. Okay.

"Some, uh, call me a mom.

"Others call me

a primary caregiver.

But they both mean

the same thing:
chauffeur. "

You know, it sounds like you and your

husband have things under control at home.

Oh, well, I'm lucky

to have him. We sure do.

Kids, on the carpet! Now!

Dad!

College guys?

- What's goin' on here?

- Where's Charlie?

- He went to Midland for the day.

- Midland? It's a school day.

- He hates school.

- 'Course you couldn't know that 'cause you're never home.

Well, that is about

to change, Sarah Baker.

Because since I can't go to work

without you guys getting in trouble...

and since I can't stay home

without Shake bugging me...

I have brought my work

home with me.

Guys, meet the family.

Family, meet the team.

- 'Sup, boys?

- What's up?

Okay, we will be in the living room.

We got a lot of work to do.

I don't want any interruptions

unless it's an emergency. Clear?

Okay. Now go do your homework.

Let's go, guys.

All right, first team, line up.!

Good. Good. Good.

But you hit 'em too high.

You wanna hit 'em low.

Twenty-four.

Dad, come on!

Hey, how's New York?

Hi.

Okay, I've gotta go now.

I love you.

Step off, missy!

You don't talk that way

unless it's with humor!

Something tells me you had an unpleasant

interaction with those boys, Mark.

They knocked my glasses off.

I heard you were

dissing my family.

I don't even know

your family, loser.

- You do now.

- My latte!

Coach, give us a quote.

Violence begets violence.

All right, enough is enough.

You're slacking on your chores. You're

fighting at school. Things are out of control.

As of this moment,

you are all grounded.

- What's "grounded"?

- "What's grounded?"

I'll tell you what grounded is.

Except for attending games...

you go to school;

you come home from school;

you do your homework;

you do your chores;

you go to bed;

and that's it.

- But that-

- Oh, yes, Sarah, I know. That sucks.

- But that's the way it is.

- Does this mean we can't go to Dylan's birthday party?

- That's exactly what it means.

- We bought his presents already.

You are going to miss it!

Now, go to bed!

Hey, Gunner. Wanna get

up on the bed, buddy? Huh?

Come on.

Come on.

- Hello.

- Next year, let's book the Mormon Tabernacle Choir too.

Whatever happened to

pin the tail on the donkey?

And on the end around, the guard pulls.

That means you, Buttler.

I'm going to Dylan's

birthday party. Who's with me?

Yeah!

Hi- Oh.

Brazilian mud viper.

She gets one live rat a week.

Hey, Dylan. Wanna play catch

with the football I got you?

Uh, my nanny'd have to

check with my dad...

who'd have to check with my mom who would

say it was an inappropriate use of free time.

Hmm. Sounds like a "yes" to me.

Go get it, Mike.

And, O'Neal, you gotta crack

the first guy that shows outside.

Run, Billy.! Run.!

Kids?

Get my kids.

I'll meet you at the house.

- Ready!

- Break!

Sarah Baker, off, now!

- No way!

- Don't make me come up there!

Oh, my God!

It's gonna blow!

Aaaah!

It was my best birthday

ever, Coach.

Your children are never

playing with Dylan again!

Sorry about your arm, Dylan.

Hello, Shake.

Any idea what this could do

to my program? Don't speak. Listen.

I don't want the players at your house, and

I don't want your kids in the department.

- There he is.!

- Coach! Coach! How will this impact Saturday's game?

Coach, what do you have to say to reports

that you're simply spreading yourself too thin?

- Is this child care or football?

- Sarah from Evanston, you're on with Kate Baker.

Mom, it's Sarah.

Hi, Sarah.

Is everything okay?

- Come home immediately.

- I wanna talk to her!

No! Guys!

- I wanna talk to her.!

- Guys, stop!

Hello?

Now look what you did.

- Dad?

- Oh, Nora.

Thanks for coming. Thank you,

thank you. I appreciate it.

- You seemed kind of desperate on the phone.

- Yeah. They're... everywhere.

You guys?

- Hi.

- I just talked to the kids.

Yes, I know everything.

Dylan's in the hospital.

Charlie's about to be expelled. And Nora

taking time off from her firstjob to babysit?

- Can we do this later, Kate?

- No, Tom.

You promised me that you would

let me know if you couldn't handle it.

I'm doing the best I can.

Please, let's talk later.

Bye.

- What's the matter?

- The book tour's over for me. I'm going home.

Get a move on, guys.

We gotta get dinner on the table.

Hi. It's me.

Okay, I'm coming home.

Now, I know this

is gonna be a big strain.

The publishing company arranged for the Oprah

Winfrey Show to tape at our house tomorrow...

which is,you know, great, but

I'm really gonna need your help.

We're talking Bakers full force. Boys,

you clean up the outside,'girls, the inside.

I want everybody

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