Chef Page #3

- This is crazy.

- Yeah.

- You didn't go home, did you?

- No.

- Come here. Check it out.

- Go home, man.

- You've been here all night. Go home.

- Come here.

Get some sleep. F*** Twitter.

Come on, get outta here.

"F*** Twitter"? What are you

talking about, "F*** Twitter"?

I mean, you know, f*** 'em.

That's what I mean.

- Who reads that sh*t anyhow?

- I'm not on Twitter.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Nothing. Just classic bullshit.

What is that?

- That's carne asada. Check it out.

- Wow.

Wow!

- Good?

- It's f***ing unbelievable, man.

- Is it?

- Holy sh*t!

- No, seriously.

- No, I'm serious.

- Tell me the truth.

- I'm telling you the truth.

- It's incredible.

- Is it good seasoning?

- The seasoning's perfect.

- Roll that sh*t!

Chef Big Dog up all night cooking!

- Come on in, buddy.

- Come here.

- Tony, check this out.

- Shut up and taste this, amuse douche.

- Come here.

- What we got?

- Wow.

- It's good?

Huh? Look at that.

- Too much heat?

- That's perfect, Chef.

- It's good? Seasoning?

- Oh, it's perfect.

- It's nice and spicy.

- You like it?

- Oh, man.

- Ha, jefe? Look at that.

- I do.

- Yeah?

- It's f***ing great.

- Is it good?

- Don't f*** with me.

- But it's so good.

- See, jefe? I told you.

- It's flavourful as f***, man.

- It's nice, right?

- Umm.

- Is it good?

- Yo, Big Dog, f*** Twitter.

"F*** Twitter". Again

with the "F*** Twitter".

Why should I f*** Twitter?

- You're not on Twitter?

- No.

You're getting too much p*ssy?

Is that the problem?

It's gotta be, right?

What does Twitter have

to do with p*ssy?

Have you not heard of the

term 'social networking'?

- Yeah.

- Well, that's what it is.

- It means p*ssy?

- Like, p*ssy.

Or, like, getting

tickets to something.

- Or finding about a new band.

- Flash mobs. That kind of stuff.

- Anything that requires a database.

- So p*ssy requires a database?

Yeah!

So show me what's on Twitter

that's so bad that I should see.

- Oh, sh*t, is that gochujang?

- Nothing. Nothing.

- Damn, you made f***ing gochujang?

- Yeah, that's under the squab.

But he's gonna 86 it.

Riva's gonna 86 it, I know.

- Yo, this gochujang is good.

- Don't worry about f***ing Riva.

He ain't gonna let you

serve that Korean sh*t.

Let me handle him. Don't

worry about that. I got it.

He says I can cook whatever I want.

- Alright. Alright.

- We're gonna cook like this.

- Did you try that? Oh, hey.

- Oh, man.

That's broccoli rabe

l'anchois. Check this out.

This is ridiculous.

- What you got over there?

- I got...

- Mom cuts off the crust.

- Yeah, well, I don't.

- It's good.

- You bet your ass it's good.

Can you turn that down, please?

Oh, sorry.

Arrgh!

You know about Twitter?

- Yeah, I have an account.

- Yeah?

- How's it work?

- It's cool.

It's cool? That's how

it works, it's cool?

- You tweet on it.

- Is that like texting?

No.

- Sign me up.

- OK.

So, what do you want

your username to be?

Carl.

You can't just put Carl.

It has to be 'at something'.

At Carl Casper.

@CarlCasper.

- Taken.

- Someone took my name?

@ChefCarlCasper? Is that cool?

Yeah, that's good.

At... Chef...

Carl... Casper.

So is this for sex?

Eww! Is that what

you're doing this for?

No, I'm not doing it for that.

Someone wrote something bad.

I wanna see what they wrote.

Good.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey. You can't talk like that.

I don't care if Mommy's not around.

I don't want you cursing around here.

- That review went viral.

- What does that mean?

It means it got picked up

and re-tweeted everywhere.

So all these people

have read the review?

- Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t.

- I think it's kinda cool.

- I don't.

- No, I mean, us doing this.

- Doing what?

You know, just hanging out.

We hang out all the time.

No, like, hanging out

and doing something.

Well, we do things.

No, not just, like, watching

something or doing something.

Like, hanging out and talking.

And learning things

from each other.

I figured, you know, with

you living at Mom's house

and me working all the time, when we

hung out, you liked to do fun things.

I think this is kinda fun.

You know, just figuring stuff out.

Like when you lived at home.

Yeah, I miss that too.

Then why don't you move back home?

Percy, I can't just...

You're not the reason that I'm not

living at home. You know that, right?

- Mm-hm.

- 'Cause it's true.

- Then why?

- Then why what?

Well, why don't you live home?

Well, Mommy and Daddy, you know,

we... we both grew apart,

in different directions.

But we're still

really good friends.

It's just better if we don't

live in the same house.

- And that we're not married.

- Oh.

- You understand?

- No.

It's hard to explain.

Hey, listen, could we twitter each other

when we're not in the same place?

- Yeah.

- Could you show me how to do that?

Yeah. OK.

So, first you click here and you

have to enter your username.

- Right.

- You could also log in on your iPhone.

Uh-huh.

You click this button here,

it posts your feed so all

your followers can read it.

OK.

- Dad?

- Yeah.

You got 1,653 followers

since last night.

- Oh, is that good?

- It's amazing.

Oh, good. What does it mean?

It means that 1,653 people are

reading your Twitter feed.

Mm-hm. I thought it

was like texting.

Did you post anything

since last night?

- No.

- Are you sure?

Yeah, I just sent a private

message to somebody.

- To who?

- To that A-hole food critic.

You could only send private messages

to people who are following you.

I think you might have

posted that publicly.

No, he wrote something nasty

about me and then I hit reply

and it let me send

a message to him.

Dad, replies are public.

Everybody can read them.

And it looks like he re-tweeted it

to all his 123,845 followers.

And he wrote back.

What did he say?

- I don't think I should read it.

- Just...

Can you read it to me, please?

Read the reply.

"@ChefCarlCasper...

"I would rather have

you sit on my face

"after a brisk walk on a warm day

"than suffer through that

f***ing lava cake again."

He wrote that to me?

He wrote it to everybody.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Wow.

You realise how many

people have read this?

I'm up to 2,000 followers

since last night.

- You're trending, bro.

- They're sending me messages.

They're goading me into

responding to this prick.

- Don't do it. Don't do it, man.

- Don't do that, Chef.

- Don't respond. Take the high road.

- I know.

But half the people

are saying he's right.

Yeah, but half the people

are saying he's wrong.

- That's the f***ing internet.

- That's right. Listen to him.

- That's social media. You on Twitter?

- Yeah, I'm Twitter.

- What's your name?

- Little Marty.

But all the people following me,

I don't wanna hang out during the day.

I avoid all... Oh, hey, hey,

hey, what are you doing?

- This guy.

- Don't. What are you writing?

Chef, don't... That's

not a good idea.

Just listen. I won't send it

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