Cherry Pop Page #6

you couldn't speak

a lick of English.

And as far as I'm concerned

you still don't.

I am still learning, okay?

Maybe we should ask Santa Clause

for a Rosetta Stone this year.

All I'm saying is it takes a lot

of balls for what he's doing.

I mean he's got

bigger balls than us.

Yeah?

Well, we do it too, no?

It'd be the same thing

if you were like to join,

I don't know,

like a hunting club?

A que club?

Let's try, the Tea Party?

Honey, parties and clubs,

I'm there, baby.

Never mind.

All I'm saying is that he's

doing something different.

And I've got to go out there

and tuck my tail between my legs

and perform for my mother.

Yeah, well, and you

don't do nothing different?

Maybe I should.

Hector, I am so sorry.

Can you guys

give it up for Hector?

Damn.

Hey.

La - -.

Change the song for me.

Thank you, and a carne asada

hakuna matada to you too.

This next girl coming to the

stage is the runt of our litter.

This b*tch is so young

her mom actually came

to the show tonight.

That's my son.

Hello, seeing around.

That is actually her mom.

Ma'am, how do you feel about

your son, that you nurtured,

cared for, you

probably even breastfed,

is on stage tonight wearing

a dress from Goodwill?

Performing a song just for us.

How does that feel?

He's always loved the theatre.

And it's these brave roles

that's gonna win him

the Oscar one day!

Yeah.

All right, you know, whatever,

whatever you need

to tell yourself.

Your son's an actor and that

was a good hair color, right?

Please put your hands

together for our next girl.

Her name is Ariela.

My baby.

Thanks

for sticking it in me

Okay.

I had a really great time

Ba, da, da, da, da, da, da

Hey

All right,

what's the situation?

Girl, she says

she ain't going up.

Sh*t!

All right, I guess we'll

just have to close the show

with the cherry.

Yeah.

Wait.

Where's the cherry?

Don't worry about the cherry,

we sent her ass packing

right before Zaza

went out the window.

You did what?!

Yeah, we really showed her.

Well, I showed her, I mean

they were more like

Kelly and Michelle.

What, what?

Kelly and Michelle?

-Yeah.

-No, girl,

not Kelly and Michelle.

No, I got his ass so good,

I swear to God

he was crying when he left.

Crying, because your

breath is like cutting onions.

I had him up at the corner,

I scared the sh*t out of him.

You scare the sh*t out of

everybody with the way you look.

You two...

are idiots!

Listen, how are we supposed

to do a show called Cherry Pop

if we don't have

a cherry to pop?

Sounds like your problem.

I mean, I mean really love,

I was more like of a, a,

a back seat passenger

with the whole situation.

The hell.

This one was

the leader of the pack.

I was the one who

was sitting in

the back slapping

the whole time.

-All right, you two need to.

-It was her the whole...

- Shut up, shut up, shut up.

- No, guys, it's fine.

I've got this. You know what,

we can just change the tempo

of the show a little bit

and I'll do

one of my monologues.

Okay, first of all, Dellusia,

no one wants to see you acting.

You are a bad actor.

My grandma said you were bad

and she's blind, she's deaf,

and she's been dead

for ten years.

You are worse than

Mariah Carey in Glitter.

You are worse than

Halle Berry in Cat Woman .

Yeah, you're worse than

Shaq in Kazaam, yeah.

You're worse than

Mayhem Miller in Cherry Pop .

No one wants to see one

of your f***ing monologues!

No one's even seen them yet.

Yeah, and we're

already sick of them.

You know what,

I am not a terrible actor.

I'm a terrible person.

And in the words

of Julius Cesar.

Here we go.

Et tu, Brute?

Assiente.

Guess I didn't realize

You were gonna

stick it in me

Thanks

for sticking it in me

Right, this is Brendan,

Ariela's boyfriend.

Brenda, according to her mother.

And he didn't know it,

but he was about

to make his stage debut.

I had a really great time,

ba-da-ba-bop, ba-da-da,

We should do it again

Thanks

for sticking it in me

I had a really great time,

ba-da-ba-bop

Hey.

Ba-da, da, hey

We should do it again

When you put

your hand on mine

Those are in.

Even though

I hadn't planned on it

You stuck it in me,

you stuck it in me

Stuck it in me,

you stuck it in me

You stuck it in me

Stuck it in me

You stuck it in me, and...

I think my son's a homosexual.

-Hey.

-Hey.

You know, it's terrible how

people can treat you sometimes.

Yeah.

Yes, it is.

I guess it's natural

when you're different?

I know that.

I mean there's nothing

wrong with being different.

Who am I kidding, there's

always something wrong.

I know that too.

And who are you

supposed to talk to?

That's what I'm saying.

I think it's important

to find that person.

But what happens when you

can't find that person?

You'll find that person,

you'll find many people

who can do that.

Sometimes it can be the person

standing right next to you.

Really?

Yeah.

Wait, you mean to listen?

I mean only

if you have the time.

Sure, yeah, I would love to.

Well, I think I'm ready.

Great.

Well, I guess I'm worried

about what I'm doing, you know.

How far do you follow

a dream before you let it go?

All I want to do is perform.

Don't get me wrong,

I have someone very special

that never questions

my decisions,

but that's probably why I feel

even more responsible, you know.

You think you're the only one

-who's got responsibilities?

-No...

Who's got a family

to worry about?

I got a man downtown

who is so drunk right now

he can't even raise an arm,

let alone get a job.

I...

One of the girls

in there tonight

has a kid in private school.

She's got to lie about

what she does at night.

You think it's easy?

You think we quit?

No, baby, no.

You put on your heels, you hold

that head up tall and proud,

because if you can do that,

then you are one of the brave.

Honey, it ain't your problems

that make you special.

It's how you deal with it.

You're, you're right.

You're so right.

I needed to hear that,

thank you, Dellusia,

thank you, you're right.

Nailed it.

Stripper wives monologue it is.

Dellusia's speech gave

me the push I needed.

I was not about to let

these evil queens

decide whether or not

I was going to perform.

I was doing this no matter what.

I am what I am

and they of all people

should know that.

Look who hath returned.

And uninvited might I add.

Look, I'm sorry if y'all

have a problem with me.

But you know what, deal with it.

We know you sorry.

But FYI, being

a true queen means

never having

to say, I'm sorry.

So, what do you want me to say?

You guys want a reason

for why I'm here?

I'm here for the same

reason you are, to perform.

I mean do any one of you

actually want to be a woman?

Hell no.

Do you dress up

as women at home?

If they ask nicely?

Well, I don't.

And I don't want

to be a woman either.

Because I'm a man.

Just like you, just like you,

and just like you.

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