CHiPs Page #4

no pictures of him

and his buddies fishing.

There's no tools.

He was a helicopter pilot

without a work bench or a tool box?

And no gun safe?

What cop doesn't have a gun safe?

It's just weird.

Feels like he didn't live there.

Bro, I got to hit the Arby's

at the bottom of the hill. I'm on E.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

Huh?

- ROTH:
Hello?

- Hey, Roth?

Yeah, what's up?

Find out if TJ owned another property,

like a rented or leased.

No problem.

What's going on?

Huh?

Why are you in front

of my partner's house?

Oh, just giving my condolences.

- You knew TJ?

- Yup.

The Academy.

Really? What year was that exactly?

Why are you shaking me down, man?

First at lunch and now here?

I mean, I was friends with TJ.

All right? We were friends

and I thought we'd get along too.

But if you're going to be up my ass,

then I'll just keep it movin'.

This is my partner's widow.

I see you around this house again,

I will be in your ass with a boot.

- Yeah, be well, bro.

- Yeah.

JON:
Bro, that's quality beef.

Hey, before you go writing

another tire pressure ticket,

tell me what kind of bikes these are.

It's the Ducati Hypermotard. The 939.

It's their all-terrain race bike.

How could you know?

You haven't even seen it.

Just listen. You hear that?

It's a big V-twin.

Yeah, but a lot of people make twins.

Yeah, but that one's revving at 9000 RPM

which only a four-valve motor will do.

The only four-valve twin in a supermoto

setup is the Ducati.

(BIKE ENGINE IGNITION)

They're fast as f***.

(SINGING) All I wanna do in the middle

of the evening is hold you tight.

Rosanna, Rosanna.

CASTILLO:
Hey, Jon.

Can I tell you something?

It was pretty impressive the way you

were able to peg those bikes back there.

I think if you would just chill

for five minutes, man,

we can have a winning team.

You know what I mean?

JON:
LA-15-7-MARY-3 and 4,

we are in pursuit of red Ferrari.

Code three!

I was trying to give you

a goddamn compliment!

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

JON:
This is 7-MARY-4, we need backup.

All units.

Pull over!

Oh, yeah? Rock beats scissors. Over!

CASTILLO:
Jon, stop!

- One second.

- Stop! That's an order!

- License and registration.

- What are you doing, boy?

Could you not see what I was holding up?

Okay. Lower the music, please.

"CHP Widows' Fund Gold Donor."

What is this? Are you a widow?

- Hey!

- One second!

- Turn down the music!

- Please turn it down.

If you keep ignoring me, I'm going to

write you up for insubordination.

Do you want to keep this job?

If we don't stop doing your errands

and do some police work,

I'm not going to have a job to lose.

I'm not going to have my day eaten away

by two bickering old ladies.

Shut up,

and turn down the f***ing Toto, please.

(MUSIC STOPS)

JON:
Stay in this car.

CASTILLO:
Sir!

Stay in this car.

No, I spent $10,000

to the Widows' Fund to get that thing.

Now it's mine!

Get your hands on the car.

Get up against the car!

- You want to do this?

- (POLICE SIREN WAILING)

- I'll do it.

- OLD MAN:
Oh, you're in so much trouble.

JON:
I'm trained to do it,

and I know how to do it.

You know how dangerous it is

to drive at that speed?

- Hey.

- Hey.

Is this your "get out of jail free" card

in Los Angeles?

Oh, no, it's from the gold donor program,

used to be a guaranteed warning.

We usually just tell them

that the policy ended, and let 'em go.

- Oh.

- We should grab a drink.

- Really?

- Mmm-hmm.

Okay, come with me.

You're going to take a free ride now.

CASTILLO:
Come with me, sir.

- Thank you.

- I got it.

- Why are you taking him this way?

- There's been a change in policy.

- This is your one freebie.

- Thank you very much.

Hey! What are you doing?

You can't let this obnoxious prick go!

Get in the car.

No, you're getting back in the cop car.

- Let go of him!

- You let go of him!

Dude, he's old as f***!

I know. He's old, and he's fragile.

Stop f***ing jerking on him.

- No, you are!

- Ah!

TERRY:
Get him, Francis!

What the f***, b*tch?

I'm trying to f***ing blend in here, man.

I suggest you do the same, okay?

A, you're a coward

and a cheap-shot artist.

B, I have to write tickets

and be safe and good conduct!

Stop being a goddamn boy scout!

Get on your bike and go home!

Go home! You're done for the day.

(GROANING)

Get outta here.

TERRY:
This is so hot.

LINDSEY:
Mmm.

I like that little brown one.

I would take either.

(GROANS)

CLAY:
What are you doing here?

Hey.

Get outta here.

We question the guard

from the armored truck.

After you interview Barton, find out

if someone named "LT" works here.

Barton's been MIA since...

Don't tell him sh*t. Who's "LT"?

He's the shot caller.

I heard it from one of the witnesses.

You're talking to witnesses now?

You're supposed to be undercover,

getting the co-pilot story.

Don't worry about it. We're getting cozy,

and by the way, my new partner's awesome.

Bet you can't wait to shoot him.

You know what?

I'm point, motherf***er!

I'm point.

I'm your boss!

Get outta here.

Officer.

COOPER:
Looks legit to me.

RAY:
I don't really care what this says.

Hansen just saw him at All Steel Armored.

What about his partner?

There's no way Baker could be IA.

He was a f***ing X-Games guy

a few years back.

- You don't like it.

- No, I don't like it.

My son's addicted to heroin.

I got to get him out of this f***ing town.

It's the only way

he's ever going to get clean.

Let's just figure out

another way to move the money.

And try to fly with cash?

You kidding me?

The painting's the best way

to walk through customs

with $14 million.

- It's beautiful.

- All right, well, then f*** it.

Even if they do show up,

they'll be riding lawnmowers.

Search Bob Lin. L-I-N.

All right.

COOPER:
Oof!

Asian as hell.

(WOMAN WHIMPERING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

(GIGGLING)

Hey.

Hi, what's up?

I'm right in the middle

of giving a swim lesson.

Oh, sorry.

What are you wearing?

Oh, it's my uniform.

From the CHP.

Aren't you supposed to change

out of it after you get off work?

Yeah, you can. Most guys probably...

It was my first day, so I thought you'd

probably want to see what I look like.

In all brown?

(SCOFFS)

It's great, Jon.

Um... I thought maybe it would

remind you of your dad.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, while I have you,

you used the patio last night

to cut through to the guest house.

Let's stick to the agreements, okay?

Use the side entrance.

Can you do that?

Yeah. Sorry about that.

Hey, Jon!

Hey, Rick.

You working down at UPS now?

No, man, I'm a police officer.

Hell, yeah.

Hey, uh, can we get a to-go box?

It's for your shirt, bro,

so you can eat it later.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- Classic Ponch-y.

- Yeah.

Always deflecting!

Oh, deflecting.

Why don't you stop using that word?

Do you even know what the word means?

- Yeah.

- Because I got a great example for you.

Okay, give me an example.

It's when a guy is super embarrassed about

taking his third dump before 11:00 a.m.

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