CHiPs Page #7

Strong man!

(STAMMERS)

But then he pointed at my crotch.

Because that's where the bikes go.

- Oh...

- (LAUGHTER)

Of course, man! Well, thank you, dude.

You're pretty ripped, too.

- What'd he say?

- He said, "You know what? Ride safe."

Oh, cool, man. Thank you.

All right. Let's do it.

Man, I really like those guys.

We should get a beer with them.

Yeah, totally, man!

I'm sure they would love it!

AVA:
Why are they on those?

And why aren't they wearing sh*t brown?

Yeah.

CASTILLO:
Watch this.

I'm gonna make him give up his whole crew.

- (RAY GRUNTING)

- Wow!

We heard this was your spot.

Man, what is that? Four, four-fifty?

That's "World's Strongest Man" sh*t.

I think it's 350.

You guys kinda caught me

in the middle of it.

Why don't you come back in

an hour and a half or so, when I'm gone?

No, right now is good.

We'll just shadow you.

Are you gonna lift this?

You're gonna lift this.

- Whoa!

- (GRUNTS)

Hey, how did you know about TJ?

His wife didn't even know.

I can't imagine anyone

trusting you with a secret.

Not like that.

Unless they were part of your crew.

I can't imagine anyone trusting you

with their life. Oh...

Wait, your partner.

He did just before he got gunned down

in front of you.

Oh, so, you know something about me.

I know something about you.

In 24 years with the CHP, LT,

you shot and killed five suspects.

- Great job. Very thorough.

- Very thorough.

- You know what confuses me?

- Hmm?

That you have

an Italian name, Poncherello.

Mm-hmm?

Why didn't they give you

a Guatemalan name

or Taiwanese,

or whatever the f*** you are?

Yeah, and you know what's confusing to me?

That in your file, there's no mention

of you killing TJ, Brill, or Stevens.

But I can put it in there

because I don't mind paperwork.

- He doesn't. He loves paperwork.

- I don't really care.

You think I'm Haitian or Cuban,

from Miami?

I'm law, motherf***er, the old kind.

If you had something on me,

we'd be in the box right now,

but you got nothin'!

So, why don't you f*** off

and get a motorcycle lesson?

God damn it.

- What?

- Sh*t!

- You were great back there.

- No, I wasn't.

I loved that part when you were like, uh,

"I don't mind doing paperwork."

- Now you're making fun of me. Shut up!

- That was tight. Seriously.

You couldn't have known

he was going to go all silverback.

That was impressive.

- Shut up, man.

- He got scary.

No, he's not that f***ing cool.

That guy's pretty f***ing punk rock,

that guy. I kinda like him.

Dude, no. He's not that f***ing cool.

He was bench-pressing 450 pounds!

- Oh, my God! That was 350 pounds!

- No way!

Would you stop? Would you table it?

He's not gonna talk, okay?

That's the main point.

We gotta get one of his crew that will.

We need to f***ing focus right now...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Hey. Excuse me?

- What?

Are you kidding me right now?

What's the problem?

You just said we have to focus,

and you're already bird-dogging ass?

Ponch, this is a problem.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm kinda powerless

when it comes to yoga pants.

- Okay.

- Can you do me a favor?

- Yeah.

- (BREATHING HEAVILY)

Is there double-stitching on the side

with a banana grundle?

A banana grundle? What's a banana grundle?

It's the f***ing gusset, bro.

It's the gusset.

Okay, I'll look.

I don't know these things, all right?

Yeah, I guess. Banana grundle.

Oh, my God. They're Lululemons.

What? Lululemons?

What are Lululemons?

It's like wrapping on a woman's body,

dude, that's what it is.

- Here they come.

- Act cool.

- Hey!

- Hey, superheroes.

- Hey.

- Hey, are you okay?

Do you need to find a toilet?

- Okay.

- I think so.

- You think you can ride with that?

- I don't know.

Let's you get out of this parking lot.

You have a visible erection. Let's go.

(SNIFFS)

(GROANS) Oh, Dad.

Can you just close it?

Come on, get up. Get up, get up.

Come on, get up.

Can't spend all day and night

in bed in the dark.

You oughta go to a gym or something,

and get your endorphins pumping.

Yes, sir.

Come on.

You gotta stay healthy for one week.

One week, stay outta trouble.

We'll be surfing, drinking Mai Tais.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna do it.

Yeah, there's no point in me doing this

without you, you know?

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I love you, kiddo.

I love you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

Oh, sh*t.

PETERSON:
AMEX just called to verify

a $48,000 charge. What the f***?

We needed new gear and new bikes.

It's totally legit.

Legit? You gotta put in

for that kind of money!

Are you crazy?

It just seemed time-sensitive.

Seemed?

You got a break,

or were you actively in pursuit?

A break? No, we have the guy.

Ray Kurtz, he's our man.

Is he in custody?

Uh, we don't have anything

super concrete yet.

Are you joking?

Allen's got a legitimate lead,

and it didn't cost him a goddamn penny!

What?

He's walking around like

he's some goddamn genius!

Allen doesn't have sh*t.

He found out there were

marked bills in that 12.6

and he tracked it to a drug house

in Venice.

Who's passing the bills?

Guy on a motorcycle.

Five bills on separate trips,

all late morning.

Okay, what's the address?

No, no, no!

They're already there.

DEA cleared them, not you.

You screw up a DEA operation

on top of that 48K,

your ass is gonna be back in Miami!

Wait, Clay's there, and I'm not?

You better stop working that California

p*ssy and start working the case!

(HANGS UP)

Oh, good, you're early.

I'm glad you're here. We gotta run.

Hey, uh, who's that woman in there?

Oh, she's still here?

- Thanks for everything.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

- Call me.

- Okay.

(WOMAN MOANS)

(GRUNTING SOFTLY)

I'm watching you.

Oh...

I wanna...

Good job. (CLEARS THROAT)

You stayin' out here, bro?

Yeah, for sure.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)

CASTILLO:
That's gotta be them.

JON:
What?

That's gotta be them right there.

What is that,

some kind of special FBI app?

It's "Find My iPhone."

I have Clay's password.

You don't have my password, do you?

Yeah, I do. "The Baker, 1980."

(WHISPERING) Yeah, that's it.

- We just wait now?

- Yeah.

Hey, can I ask you something?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Look, we're becoming friends,

and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable.

But that girl that was

leaving your apartment...

Yeah.

I just hope that you're not

preying on girls

with low self-esteem

to feed your addiction.

Low self-esteem? What?

I mean, look... She was a,

and I'm being generous here, a two...

A two?

She deserves more than a one-night stand.

She seemed nice.

Are you crazy? That girl's an eight!

You think she's an eight?

How are you judging them? By their hair?

How straight their teeth are? Their skin?

- I don't understand.

- Yeah.

That's really shallow, bro. Come on.

What?

Tina's really confident, man,

and really sexy.

I mean, that's sexy.

She's a full-blown eight.

I hope you're right, man.

Real talk.

She ate my butt.

I'm sorry, she did what?

She ate my butt. (CLICKS TONGUE)

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