Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger - London, New York, Johannesburg Page #4

for saying the wrong words.

That's unbelievable, man.

And a lot of white guys,

"Hey, that's not fair.

"You can say whatever you want.

You can say n*gger."

Yeah, when I last checked, that was

the only advantage I had to being black.

You want to switch places?

You scream "n*gger"

and I'll raise interest rates.

Yeah, this is the first time

in the history of the world

where white men have to watch their tongue.

And now, white guys, don't worry about it.

You know, that's how life works, man.

That's how life works.

Sometimes the people with

the most sh*t have to shut up

and let other people talk sh*t about 'em.

That's how life works. That's right.

Sometimes the people with the most sh*t

get to say the least sh*t.

And the people with the least sh*t

get to say the most sh*t.

So if you want to say the most sh*t,

get rid of some of your sh*t.

That's how the world works, man.

Some people get to talk about other people,

and that's just how it goes, man.

For instance, like, fat girls can say

whatever they want to about skinny girls.

Fat girls can talk about

skinny girls all day long,

"F***ing skinny b*tch,

f***ing skinny-ass anorexic,

"bulimic, f***ing regurgitating b*tch.

"F***ing Cheerio-belt-wearing b*tch,

salad-eating motherf***er.

"Hope she chokes on a crouton."

But skinny girls can't talk about fat girls.

That's just mean.

"Look at these big b*tches.

"Do they freebase gravy?

"Food is not your friend.

It's not your friend."

For instance, you know...

Short guys can talk about

tall guys all day long.

Short guys can say whatever they want to

about tall guys, "You tall bastard.

"You tall motherf***er.

"I hope your head hits an air-conditioning vent.

"I hope Bin Laden flies a plane into your lips."

But tall guys can't talk about short guys.

That's just mean.

"Look at these

midget motherfuckers.

"Fee fie foe fum!"

Like poor people can talk about rich people

all day long.

Poor people can say whatever they want to

about rich people, "You f***ing rich bastard.

"I hope your yacht hits an iceberg

in the summer.

"F***ing ice... I hope your Picasso

falls off the wall and kills your mother.

"You f***ing rich bastard."

But rich people can't talk about poor people.

That's just mean.

It's like, "Look at these broke bastards.

"Perhaps we should raise the prices

so we don't have to see these people again.

"Is that a Hyundai?

"With cloth interior. Ooh!"

Yes, man. That's right.

You gotta watch what you say.

Even some black people have to watch

what they say. Even some black people.

What's my man on Grey's Anatomy?

Got fired.

Got fired for calling somebody a f*ggot.

Yeah, we live in a crazy time.

You gotta watch what you say, baby.

Between the internet and all these shows,

say the wrong thing, your career is over.

But here's the crazy thing, man,

it's not about the words sometimes, man.

It ain't about the words,

all bad words ain't bad.

Sometimes it's about the context

in which the word is said.

It's not always the word,

it's the context in which the word is said.

You know, depending on

what you're talking about,

you say, "You the finest b*tch I ever seen."

That's a compliment.

It ain't the word! It's the context in which

the word is being said.

So my man on Grey's Anatomy,

it ain't that he called somebody a f*ggot,

it's like, how did he say "f*ggot"?

How did he say it? Did he come in

early one day and go, "Morning, f*ggot"?

Cos if he did that, he should be fired.

But how did he say it?

Was he having a fight with this person?

Was he having an argument?

Do they have a relationship of some sort?

How did he say it?

And here's the other thing,

if they was having a fight,

well, I just think personally,

if you having a fight with somebody,

you should be able to say whatever you think

is gonna hurt this person the most.

What, I gotta be politically correct

and mad at the same time?

Like if I'm driving

and somebody crashes into me,

and they got one leg,

I'm a talk about the leg.

"Hey, you one-legged bastard,

no wonder you can't brake.

"I hope you got

some two-legged insurance."

But how did he say "f*ggot"?

Now here's the real question

nobody wants to ask.

What if the person that he called a f*ggot...

was acting like a f*ggot?

I'm not trying to disrespect any gay people.

I have gay friends. I know I have gay fans.

I know some of y'all are here tonight.

I just want to say... thanks for the money.

I'm all for gay rights. I hope you get the

right to get married and buy cereal and...

whatever you being denied,

I hope you get it

cos I think gay fans

are some of the best fans to have

cos they can buy tickets faster than anybody.

You know why? Cos they don't have

any f***ing kids, that's why.

You never see no gay homeless people.

There's no gay homeless people

and there's no Asian homeless people.

That's just the homeless rules.

The homeless discriminate. Yes, they do.

You'd think they would be more understanding.

But where was I?

What if the person that he called

a f*ggot was acting like a f*ggot?

Cos you don't have to be gay

to act like a f*ggot.

You don't even have to

be a man to act like a f*ggot.

Anybody can act like a f*ggot.

Let me give you an example.

I love Gwen Stefani.

I think No Doubt is one of

the best groups in the world.

I keep a No Doubt CD in my car.

And I sing that sh*t to the end, I'm like...

I won't even get out my car

until the sh*t's over. I'm like...

I f***ing love me some Gwen Stefani, right?

Now if I'm driving my car

and I'm at the light,

and you're in the car behind me,

and the light's red,

and I'm blasting some Gwen Stefani

and I'm like...

And you're in the car behind me

and the light's red, cool.

But then the light turns green.

And I don't see it

cos I'm in Gwen Stefani heaven.

And I'm just goin'...

Now the light starts f***ing blinking.

It's getting ready to turn red again!

And I still don't see it!

And I'm in my car going...

Now if you're in the car behind me

and that light's getting ready to turn red,

and I'm going...

If you're in that car behind me,

you have the right to go,

"Hey, f*ggot, the light's about to change!"

Sh*t, even Elton John

would call me a f*ggot...

at that moment.

It's not the word,

it's the context in which

the word is being said.

That's what's going on.

It ain't the word, it's the context.

Now, speaking of words, now they're trying

to get rid of the word "n*gger".

Trying to get rid of my beloved "n*gger".

Sh*t. Last year, the NAACP

had a funeral for the word "n*gger".

Well, tonight is Easter.

Sh*t.

That's right. Whenever

the word "n*gger" is spoken,

it is always followed by the same question -

"Can white people say n*gger?"

And the correct answer is...

not really.

You have to check

with your n*gger consulate,

talk to your n*gger representative,

and they will tell you the n*gger rules

where you are at that particular time.

We live in a crazy time where Dr King

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