Christmas Eve Page #4

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No, her husband's a

computer programmer.

So, we do have a

little money. Hmm.

A Land Rover?

Could be.

10 bucks says it's red.

Why?

Musicians love red.

Passionate artist, dressed

in black all the time.

Whenever they can,

they choose red.

Says who?

Says...

Studies.

I bet her car's

black 'cause she's

conditioned to like black.

I bet it's brown.

Look at her hair color.

She's kept it natural.

How 'bout you, Dr. moneybags?

Mmm, I'll say

white, not off white,

pure white.

You know, like heaven.

Here we go.

Look, let's be honest,

god, white beard, angels.

Isn't that the most ridiculous

thing you've ever heard?

Is there anything

about our existence

that isn't ridiculous?

Sure there is.

Let's assume the

universe existed

only as random chaos

and 14 billion years ago

there was a big bang

and out of it came planets

and stars and vegetables

and cavemen and the

five of us all sitting

right here in this elevator?

Is that possible?

You bet it is.

And is it also crazy?

Yeah, because I don't care

how any of us got here,

it's mind-blowing,

incredible and grand.

All right, a beautiful,

young wife whose heart is being

strangled now, explain that

and a loving god to me,

on this fine Christmas Eve?

I can't.

I'll tell you what

I can explain.

One summer evening

when I was 10,

I was playing outside because

my parents were fighting.

The sun was going down

and I turned around

to look at my house

and I had this feeling

as clear as anything

that god knows who I am.

It wasn't like, here's

the whole story,

or now it's us against

them, it was just

know this,

know this one thing.

And, uh, I could

never deny what I felt

at that moment

and hanging on to it

gets me passed the things

that I don't understand.

I don't know everything,

but it doesn't mean

I don't know anything.

Yeah, yeah,

we're almost down to the mains.

That's great, not too deep.

Yeah, well, I'll get

right back to you.

Mr. Cooper?

Mrs. Lopez?

If we're halfway between floors,

the top of our elevator's

got to be no more

than 10 feet from

the next floor.

Why not just break the

bottle to get the coin out?

You can't break the bottle.

Can you melt it?

No, because you can't

alter the condition

of the bottle in any way.

Hey, could you give

me a boost, big guy?

Okay.

Ah, let's play charades.

Yes!

I'll go first.

- It's movie.

- - Yes.

Two words.

There's no light

coming from the other floors.

No way to tell how

far the next one is.

A horse, a deer?

Deer hunter?

It's a dog.

If we could get up there,

the doors probably wouldn't

open with the power out.

Benji?

Hounds of the damned?

Old yeller.

Yeah.

How did he get that?

Saddest movie ever,

scarred me for life,

I loved it.

Saddest thing you

can think of, go!

A puppy in a full body cast

and he's crying and

in the reflection

of one of the tears,

there's a unicorn and he's

starving to death.

Hmm, it's hard to top that.

Yes, it is.

A boy who eats his best friend.

Ew.

Um, a bunny who falls in a well

and no one can

save him because...

everyone's been eaten.

Your turn, Einstein,

saddest thing ever.

Well, there was a

scientist who lived

300 years ago who

wanted to figure out

how much the earth weighed.

And he theorized a

series of measurements

that could be taken

using pendulums, weights,

and counterweights.

He spent years building

his ingenious contraption

and then he died.

He knew exactly how

to get the answer,

but he never got to know it.

Everything that

has ever occurred,

everything that ever will occur

is subject to laws

that are knowable

and with enough

of that knowledge,

you could literally

understand everything.

And to live in

recognition of that Gulf,

between what is knowable,

which is everything,

and what we actually know,

which is almost nothing,

well that's more than sad.

It's the ultimate human tragedy.

You know the problem

with this company?

Global energy's a

big challenge, right?

So we think we gotta

be a big company,

so we end up big and

slow and old-fashioned.

No way to stay ahead of

the curve when you're built

like an aircraft carrier.

Yeah, it's the worst

place to be though,

ahead of the curve.

Why?

Everyone is always

focusing on energy sources,

I mean you can get

energy from anything:

Water, corn, dead dinosaurs,

but it's the delivery

of energy that poses

the greatest opportunity.

And it's simple.

You mean microgrids?

No, no, no.

The fiberoptic?

Nope.

What?

What is this? Your Magnum opus?

Check it out.

This is your idea?

I said it was simple.

Why haven't you

shared this with anyone?

I'm in tech support,

or rather was,

plus, it's not fully

thought out yet.

I mean, I can deliver

energy straight to your

front porch, but if you've

got a house with stoneage

circuitry, well, that's where

the magic ends.

Well, who says you need

to go inside the house?

Make them go out and get it.

Not the people, the gadgets.

They want a second extension,

one way or another, somebody's

gonna hung out to dry

and it ain't gonna be me.

Call the fixer, get the

names of all the other

competitors, take out

separate lawsuits,

get Hillman back

from his honeymoon,

he can help.

And find the name of

Kelso's favorite restaurant,

buy it, we can't

wine and dine him,

let's make damn sure

no other bugger can.

Show me what's

underneath that shell.

Think about the clogger.

I hate the clogger.

How much do you hate him?

Clogging in the morning,

clogging in the evening,

clogging 'til you want to die.

He clogs for the girl in 43.

But you know what,

she's not a lover,

she's a fighter.

We're not making copies today.

She's got a jaw of steel,

ladies and gentlemen.

Show me what's

underneath that shell.

A heart of glass.

What does that mean?

When that heart gets broken,

ain't nobody gonna come in...

okay, you know what, I'm done.

I just, I want my

stupid candy bar, okay?

All right.

You earned it.

I kind of hate you.

Hola, Jorge.

Hey, hey!

No, no.

And I want him scared stiff,

I want him scared into action.

These people, they aren't tough,

they're weak people

trying to act tough.

They're wasting my time.

Please? Won't somebody help me?

I am stuck in here!

Help me!

God help me.

I'll dose her down

to make it last,

but if her vitals

drop, you're gonna have

the mother of all

lawsuits on your hands.

I'm gonna have the

mother of all divorces

on my hands if I don't

get out of here soon.

I promised my wife I'd take

her to the met tonight,

some Christmas Eve art thing.

Just go in the corner.

Not in here, you don't.

Let me show you a trick.

Ah, I don't think

that'll handle the volume.

I did a rotation at

in eastern medicine.

I'm gonna show you

how to block out

pain with your mind.

Stick this into my neck.

The mind controls the body.

The body serves the mind.

Through the mind, into the body.

- So...

- shh.

My body is hereby denied

permission to feel pain.

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