Christmas in July Page #2

it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'

Do you get it?

- I guess so.

You guess so. What does it mean?

- It's the bunk.

Yes, but do you get the play on words?

- You don't need a play on words.

Any time anybody says

coffee makes you sleep, it's bunk.

Don't you understand? It's funny.

People are going to laugh.

It means it isn't the coffee

that keeps you awake, it's the bed.

With me it's the coffee.

- Oh...

I want you to win it.

I'm just as anxious as you are.

And when you lose this

one, think how much...

...better your chances will be on the next.

Fine chance I've got of winning anything

if everybody says coffee keeps you awake.

Let's drink a gallon of coffee

and see who sleeps the longest.

Oh, shut up.

- (Woman) Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Zimmerman says

will you not talk so loud?

He's trying to go to sleep.

- Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.

And don't take cold up there.

Is Betty warm enough?

Yes, thank you, Mrs. MacDonald.

- All right, dear.

I'd like you just as much

if you didn't win the old contest.

That's because you're a sap.

- Maybe I am.

But if I am I'm glad of it.

You know how we feel about each other.

Nix.

- It's true, isn't it?

You can't say I'm being forward.

- Not much.

I'm not. Time is slipping by

and we're not getting any younger.

Nix.

Two can live as cheaply as one.

Who wants to live cheaply?

Cut it out, will you?

What would you do if you won the $25,000?

Stick it in the bank.

Wouldn't you even buy a little ring

or something?

I don't like rings on a man.

- Oh, you.

What's the use of talking about it?

You know I'd spend it on you and mum.

I'd get you a new shiny car

and a swell apartment.

Maybe one of those little dream houses

in the suburbs, some hired help.

Maybe a trip to Europe. Maybe the Grand

Canyon would be better nowadays.

We'd be happy all right.

- We could be happy anyway.

Everything that means happiness

costs money.

How much was your dad making

when he married your mom?

18 bucks a week.

- Well?

You think that proves something?

She's never been to the country

for more than a day.

Never had any nice furniture.

The dream of her life is a Davenport that

turns into a double bed at night-time.

She's never had a nice dress

except those she made herself.

I wore the old man's stuff cut down

until I got my first job...

...and he was worn out at 48 and croaked

because he couldn't afford a doctor.

Where do you get that $18 a week stuff?

I earn $18 and you earn $22 and that's $40.

Sure and you've got your ma

and I've got mine.

You get a kid and you have to stop work

and we're right back at the $22 again.

Except then there's you and the kid

and the two old ladies and me.

But Jimmy...

- Nix, honey.

They didn't give you

wrists and hands like that...

...to spoil in a washtub

for a poor sap like me.

But Jimmy...

- You gotta look out for yourself.

You gotta see the main chance and grab it,

the chance of plenty of money.

Men look out for themselves.

They think about nothing but money.

A girl's got to do the same instead of

fooling away her time on a guy like me.

Unless he crashes through.

- You make me tired.

Then go to bed.

- That's a nice thing to say.

Invite a girl over and yell at her.

If I wanted to be insulted, I could have gone

out with the credit manager.

Who's stopping you?

- Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.

It's nice to know where you stand.

- I'm sorry.

Maybe I will go out with the credit manager.

Good night.

Wait and I'll help you.

- I don't need any help.

(Cat screeches)

Here.

Kindly let go of my arm.

- Why don't you watch your step?

Why don't you mind your own business?

- Oh, shut up.

Why don't you shut up?

- Why don't you both shut up?

See?

They got up there a horse yet?

Wait for your laugh.

- Wise guy.

Bread and butter.

- Bread and butter.

Don't fall down the ladder.

- I've been down it before.

You fell down it before too.

Good night.

- Good night.

See you at the office.

- Aren't you going to take me?

All right.

Good night, Jimmy.

- Good night.

Good night.

- Good night.

Night.

Good night, honey.

- Good night, darling.

Good night.

- Good night.

Good night.

(Jimmy) I tell you, it makes you sleep.

- OK, it makes you sleep.

And water runs uphill

and dogs miaow and cats bark...

...and water's red-hot in the winter

and freezes over in the summer.

You're a dreamer. Just like your father.

With him it was always automobiles...

...where the wind, it

scooped it up in the front...

...and pushed out the back to make it go,

or some such.

There's no wind blowing out of my ideas.

Pretty windy. Have you got car fare?

- Think so.

(Coin drops to floor)

- Yeah.

Make a wish.

What falls to the floor comes to the door.

All right.

- There's nothing to laugh about.

I mind the time your father,

may his soul be peaceful,

dropped a quarter down a crack,

and it wasn't an hour till a near-sighted man

gave him a five-dollar gold piece...

...instead of a nickel in paying his fare.

We went to Coney that night.

- What was wrong with Pa's eyes?

He was looking somewhere else.

There was nothing the matter

with your father.

He was a fine-looking conductor.

He was.

- You'd seem a shrimp beside him.

I would.

- Don't say anything against him.

I'm not saying anything against him, Mum.

Well, watch your step.

Jimmy.

- Yes'm?

There's money in your cup.

(Bell dinging)

So the sucker says, 'Is Mr. Fish there?'

And the guy says, 'Which one do you want?

This is the New York Aquarium.'

(Laughter)

The best one is, you say,

'This is the Edison Company.

'Would you mind seeing if the street light's

burning in front of your house?'

And when the poor mug says, 'Yes, it is,'

you say, 'Well, blow it out, will you?'

(Laughter)

Hello, is this

the Maxford House Coffee Company?

Could you tell me if the jury's reached

a verdict on the contest yet?

They haven't? Then there's

still a chance for everybody, huh?

Thanks just the same.

I wonder what one of those suckers

would do if they ever did win.

Well, it's very easy to find out.

All you need is a telegraph blank,

some scissors and some glue.

Cut it in strips, do it on the blank.

- Holy mackerel.

(Bell rings)...

...(Bell rings)

Good afternoon, Miss Casey.

Good morning, Mr. Waterbury.

Good morning, John.

Jams. It's been doing that quite a lot lately.

The wonder is it works at all.

- Yes, sir.

Come into my office a moment,

Mr. MacDonald.

Yes, sir.

I've been watching you for some time,

Mr. MacDonald.

Yes, sir. It used to

make me kind of nervous.

Not nervous any more?

- No, sir.

Are you a drinking man, then?

- Sir?

This is part of your yesterday's work.

I believe your number is 112?

Yes, sir.

The computing machine

is almost foolproof,

Mr. MacDonald,

yet you managed to miss your total by

a little matter of $11,000 on this one sheet.

To what do you attribute that?

I, er... I don't know, Mr. Waterbury.

You know simple arithmetic, don't you?

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