Christmas in July Page #3

You know the difference between addition,

subtraction and possibly multiplication?

Yes, sir. I'm pretty good at it.

Have you troubles at home? You

henpecked? Suffering from a broken heart?

Had your teeth examined lately?

Or are you purely and simply

incapable of doing your work?

Well, I... I guess it's the contest,

Mr. Waterbury,

the Maxford House contest.

I had no idea it was hurting my work.

How much is the prize?

- The first prize is $25,000.

Yes.

I used to think about $25,000 too,

and what I'd do with it.

That I'd be a failure if I didn't get a hold of it.

And then one day I realized

I was never going to have $25,000.

And then another day a little bit later,

considerably later,

I realized something else,

something I'm imparting to you now,

Mr. MacDonald.

I'm not a failure. I'm a success.

You see, ambition is all right if it works.

But no system could be right where only

half of one per cent were successes...

...and all the rest were failures.

I'm not a failure. I'm a success.

So are you if you earn your own living and

pay your bills and look the world in the eye.

I hope you win your

$25,000, Mr. MacDonald.

But if you shouldn't happen to,

don't worry about it.

Now get the heck back to your desk

and try to improve your arithmetic.

Yes, sir, Mr. Waterbury.

Thank you.

- It's all right.

Wow. Oh, honey, look.

Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody.

Come here?

Get up here, honey.

Wow.

There comes a time in everybody's life

when he's got to get up and let it rip.

Wow. In other words, boys and girls,

I just won the $25,000 first prize

in the Maxford House contest.

(Cheering)

Hey, give me a phone.

Boy, this is gonna be good.

Hello? Give me Astoria 59970.

This is really gonna be good.

Hello, is this Mrs. Schwartz?

- Yes.

This is Jimmy. Hello, Mrs. Schwartz.

I hate to bother you

but could I talk to my mom? It's important.

Thank you. I'll let you use my phone

when I get one.

(Laughter)

Hello, Mum? This is Jimmy.

I'm going to tell you something.

Don't be frightened.

You're not hurt?

- Course I'm not hurt.

Mum, would I call you up

from under a streetcar?

Mum, are you a rich woman

or a poor woman?

No, I'm not crazy with the heat,

I'm just asking you a question.

Are you a rich woman or a poor woman?

You're all wet. I said you're all wet, Mum.

Buy yourself anything you want.

Furniture, automobiles, dresses.

Electric washer.

- Electric washer.

You know the one you like? It's yours.

The Davenport.

- The one that turns into a double bed.

It's yours, Mum. And anything else

you want. All you gotta do is tell me.

It's gonna cost you a Davenport.

- I'll tell the world I got a raise.

Wow, he got a raise.

- Put him out of his misery.

Hey, the boss.

- What is going on around here?

What is this? A football game?

- (All speak at once)

Quiet. I said quiet.

Or there will be severe consequences.

What are you doing on that desk?

Never mind. You're fired as of this minute.

What's your name?

- James MacDonald.

This is my fiance, Miss Casey.

Well, let that be a lesson to you.

(Laughter)

What is so funny about that?

What is the meaning of this demonstration,

Mr. Waterbury?

I demand an explanation,

and it had better be good.

It is very good, sir. It appears this lad...

...(All shout)

- What? What? What?

Quiet.

Mr. Baxter.

- What do you want?

If anyone ought to be fired, it's me.

Never mind the noble gestures.

I'll decide what's what.

Save that Rover Boy stuff

for your spare time.

See that this young man is paid off,

and don't let this reoccur.

There's a very good reason...

Has it anything to do with this company?

- No, but...

Then I don't care to hear about it.

- But you do care to hear about it.

How was that?

- I say you do care to hear about it.

You couldn't have understood

what was said.

These children are part of your family.

Anything that happens to them

happens to you.

So if you don't care to hear,

you must have misunderstood.

What is all this?

This young man,

this minor employee of yours,

has just won the $25,000

Maxford House New Slogan contest.

He and he alone was chosen winner

over millions of contestants.

And I say that is reason enough

for rejoicing.

Well, I should say it is.

(Laughter)

If you'll kindly get down off my furniture,

I'd like to congratulate you, Mr...

Jimmy.

Well, more power to you.

- Thank you, sir.

I suppose I'll have to hire you back

on a fat increase.

I don't think that will be necessary,

Mr. Baxter.

I've always liked it here and...

Oh, I guess a raise would come in handy.

(Laughter)

And you really won

the Maxford House contest, eh?

That's what the telegram said.

- They wanted a new slogan?

Yes, sir.

- It's about time they changed the old one.

(Laughter)

- What was your slogan?

'If you don't sleep at nights,

it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.'

Do you get it? It's a play on words.

It means if you don't sleep at night...

But coffee keeps you awake.

- No, no, no, sir.

This scientist...

- It's a clever idea just the same.

It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.

That ought to be good

for the whole industry.

Did you get any ideas for Baxter and Sons...

...while you were inventing slogans

for competitors?

We make coffee too, you know.

- I certainly did, Mr. Baxter.

I've been trying to tell them

to the advertising department.

I've been down there

about a thousand times.

You see, we don't advertise enough.

How would you like

to come and tell me a few of these ideas?

Yes, sir.

- Oh, Jimmy.

(Mr. Baxter) You can come too, my dear.

Then I'd put out a secondary brand

to catch the in-between trade.

Say, uh...'Waterbury's. It's the berries. '

What do you mean, Waterbury...

- Let him go on.

Because if Baxter's is the best,

we've got to charge more for it.

We've got to have a slogan. Word of mouth

is OK if you've got the right words.

Make a note of that, Miss Pettypass.

I tried to find a slogan that implied

that Baxters was the finest of its class.

Say... Not 'The aristocrat of coffee'.

That's been used too much.

But, er... say, er...

'The blue-blood coffee.

It's bred in the bean.'

See? As if every bean

in our coffee had a pedigree.

'Baxter's Best. The blueblood coffee.'

'It's bred in the bean.'

- 'It's bred in the bean.'

Wonderful. How about that one?

The only trouble with it is

I didn't think of it myself.

'It's bred in the bean.'

I can see it all over the nation.

In every nook and dell.

Jimmy, you're a genius.

Now that you're a capitalist, I don't know

how you feel about working for a living,

but if you'd care to have an office...

You mean to myself?

- With his name on the door?

Naturally. And this young lady

as your secretary.

And a reasonable stipend

to be determined upon later.

I see no reason

why we shouldn't shake hands on it now.

Go ahead, Jimmy.

- Gee whizz, Mr. Baxter.

I should say I would, and how I would.

I suppose you'd like to

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