Christmas in July Page #5

Oh. Do you think it's showy enough?

I wouldn't want it to be showy.

- Oh, yes.

There's no denying

it's a friendly little piece.

Well, then, I guess we'll take it.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, Jimmy.

I haven't got any cash with me but...

- Ah.

But I've got a cheque here.

- Uh-huh. May I see it, please?

Sure.

Well, well. Mr. Schmidt.

Step this way immediately, please.

Well, well.

- I won the Maxford House contest.

Isn't it wonderful?

- Well, I should say it is.

A thousand congratulations.

Uh... 25,000 congratulations.

For heaven's sakes. Mr. Schmidt.

Yes, yes, Mr. Hillbeiner,

I'll be there presently.

Kindly cut a groove, will you?

- Sir.

Hillbeiner has been drinking again.

(Buzzer)

- Yes?

(Woman) Shindel Brothers wants to know

if that $25,000 cheque of yours is good.

Good? Tell them I'll match mine against

theirs any day and give them six to four.

Yes, sir.

- Is it good?

(Man) The Davenola. Now watch closely.

I merely remove two cushions, place

my finger on the button marked 'Night',

and with one easy push of the finger,

we have a double bed,

a radio, an ashtray for those who smoke

in bed, a reading lamp for the reader,

a telephone and many other accessories.

Pausing merely to slip a pillow slip

over the day cushion...

...we complete the metamorphosis.

Everything under fingertip control

throughout.

There is no limit to man's ingenuity.

Isn't that wonderful?

- Comes the morrow.

A flick of the wrist...

...a thorough airing...

...a gentle pressure

on the button marked 'Day'...

...et voil, as the French would say,

ready for breakfast, a rousing book

or a gentle game of bridge.

The price, 198.50 plus tax.

We'll take it.

What a bargain you're getting.

- Pardon?

I'm Mr. Shindel, Mr. MacDonald.

Congratulations. Here's your cheque.

And what a cheque.

- Thanks. How soon can you send it?

It's there. Make that a special, Hillbeiner.

Would your mother like one?

- No. We haven't got room.

We got to get everybody something.

Mama's been wanting a new iron.

She's got it.

- Have you got irons?

Have we got irons? Huh.

They do everything but sing.

We gotta get something for Mrs. Schwartz,

Sophie, Mrs. Zimmerman, the Casey kids...

Aren't you afraid of spending too much?

The Finnegans.

- Patrolman Murphy.

Tony Mozepo.

- And Mr. Rosenblatt.

We better just work up

one side of the street and down the other.

Oh, Jimmy.

I don't like to take all this

without paying for it, Mr. Shindel.

Nonsense. We know an honest man

when we see one, don't we, boys?

Indeed.

Why don't you take this cheque

and give me the change?

We should have change for such a cheque?

Excuse me.

What a bargain.

- Thank you.

I'll bring you a cheque

as soon as I put this in the bank.

Who's in a hurry? Drop in any time.

Drop in tomorrow.

Here are the flowers.

- Thank you.

A little souvenir.

Don't forget to call again, Mr. MacDonald.

No, sir, I won't.

- Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.

Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt.

- Goodbye, Mr. MacDonald.

Goodbye Mr. Hillbeimer.

- Hillbeiner.

Goodbye Mr. Heilbimmer.

- That's close enough. It's all right.

Come and see us again.

- Thank you. Goodbye.

Have you got all your bundles now?

Goodbye.

What a boy.

- What a business.

Oh, I'm so happy.

- I feel kind of good myself.

Can you see the faces on everybody

when we get there?

Yeah. Like Christmas in July.

Well, happy New Year.

It will be a happy new year from now on.

Everything new and clean and different.

Just think, Jimmy. No more worry.

- That's right.

That's the only terrible thing

about being poor.

What kind of a house will we have?

- Any kind you like.

How about a penthouse?

- They come high, don't they?

No, I don't think... Oh, you fool.

Will you love me for always?

- Of course I will.

For always and always?

- I don't know why not.

It might be a long time.

The longer the sweeter, baby.

And then he says, 'Mum, you're all wet.

You can buy anything you want.

'An automobile, new dresses, furniture,

the Davenport, anything.'

My Irving, he drinks too.

Once in a while, a little bit.

Not so little.

- Yes, I know.

But Jimmy doesn't. He

wouldn't take a drink...

...unless something happened.

Maybe he lost his job.

- He said he got a raise.

Who's giving raises these days?

- (Car horns honking)

I can't think what has happened.

(Commotion outside)

They're bringing him home.

Who asked you something?

- No...

Don't you worry. Maybe

just a little accident.

Maybe just a leg or a finger.

Come here quick. Hurry up.

(Horns blaring)...

What is it?

- A funeral.

Hey, Mum, come on down.

You too, Mrs. Schwartz.

You too, Mama.

- We got presents for everybody.

He's drunk.

- Jimmy.

I'm all right, Mum. Come on down.

Look.

Was somebody hurt?

- Jimmy came home in a taxicab.

(Screaming)

I got a big surprise here.

I wanna start with Sophie.

Careful, now.

I've got a present for you, Sophie.

- For me?

Yes. Open it up.

(All) Oh.

In a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy,

there's something for everybody, I think.

Mom.

What's happened? Are you hurt?

What's going on here?

I wasn't lying to you.

The Davenport is on the way.

Wait till you see it, Mum.

- Then you did get a raise.

Oh, glory.

Mom. Here's one for you.

Oh, Mom.

Why don't you get wise to yourself?

Who do you think you are anyway?

If it's good enough for us,

who are you to say...

It stinks. It stinks.

- He stinks.

One more crack out of you

and I'll bust you right in the nose.

Let's see you do it.

- I will, you snake-eyed...

Sit down before you burst a blood vessel.

- Sit down, Bildocker.

Let's talk this over in a nice friendly way.

We think, 'Maxford's. Magnificent and

mellow. Just what the doctor ordered.'

It's brief, it's smooth, it's pungent.

- It's putrid.

Why is it putrid, Bildocker?

- Because it stinks.

Why isn't he back? Where is he?

In the barber shop?

Never mind him.

Tell him to go soak his head in a barrel.

Is Mr. Einbrewster there?

- No, sir.

Why? Where is everybody? Playing pool?

Is Mr. Grobel there?

- No, sir.

Is he having an operation?

What kind of a firm is this?

He's in the contest room.

- What do you mean?

The contest is over.

- He's down there.

What are they doing? Playing poker?

Never mind. I'll find out myself.

Horse feathers.

Don't be vulgar, Bildocker.

- Or what?

Who are you?

- (Door slams)

Well, what are you arguing about now?

Now, would you get back to your offices

and try and sell some coffee for a change?

Or am I being too commercial?

And while I'm on that subject,

I wanna tell you that of

all the congregations...

...of fatheads that I've ever gazed upon,

you take the lardpail.

So kiss each other goodbye.

All except you, Bildocker.

What about the contest?

- What about it?

Now you've killed it,

you want a postmortem?

Shouldn't we choose a winner?

- You did.

We certainly did not.

- You certainly did. What do you mean?

We haven't reached a verdict.

- You certainly have reached a verdict.

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