Cigarette Soup Page #2

of a goddamn doubt

that they pose

an immediate threat to us.

Got it?

Hooah.

Good.

All right, let's move out.

-Move out, guys.

-Let's line it up.

All right,

so we're now entering

hour four of patrol.

We haven't seen

a single civilian,

we haven't seen

anything at all, actually.

Guess I can understand

why these guys say

this is such

a boring mission.

At least it's not

so hot anymore though.

Just tired from carrying around

this equipment all day.

I know it's been a rough one

for you, Geraldo,

but when we get back to base,

I'm gonna give you

the f***ing best hand job

you've ever had in Afghanistan.

- Oh, stop.

- Ask butch.

- He f***ing felt it.

- F*** you.

Everybody down!

-Sh*t.

-Anybody hit?

Montgomery, mills,

take security.

Everybody else,

on my command,

- Fan out against

that cover there!

Ready, go!

Move, move, move, move!

Geraldo, stick with me,

goddamn it.

Right here, right here

on the ground.

Right there.

What the f***?

Montgomery, mills, fall in!

-Engage!

-F***!

Were you hit?

Motherf***er,

i got nothing.

-How about you?

-I don't see sh*t.

I got five straight across.

-F*** with their heads!

-Watch my back!

Stay down,

that's an order.

-F***.

-Climb over.

Goddamn it,

Geraldo, stay down!

Say again, over!

Do you copy, over?

Goddamn it.

-Comm just broke down.

-F*** me.

Let's find some shelter.

You take the...

Get the hell out of here.

Stay on them.

Stay on them.

I'll take the rear.

Everybody out.

Butch, you two,

get the hell outta here.

All right,

stick with me and turn

that f***ing camera off.

What the hell is going on?

What does it look like

is going on?

We're under attack,

goddamn it.

Now stay close.

Come on!

-Get up! Get up!

-Butch.

Come on, move, move,

move, move!

Which way?

Which way? Which way?

Lennie?

What the f***, butch?

Which way? Butch?

Lennie! Don't lose him!

Where the f***

is that goddamn reporter?

Right here.

-Geraldo?

-Goddamn it.

Oh, sh*t.

Take a knee!

You stay right up my ass,

you got it?

Okay, status?

Alpha missing Kramer,

sergeant.

Bravo, missing Jackson,

Rodriguez.

All right, Alpha team,

let's go.

Clear your right.

Hut!

-Watch that.

-Clear!

Stack on me.

Stack on me.

-Clear!

-Clear!

We found power.

Power, lights coming on.

Coming out.

Step it up.

F***, f***, f***!

Is anybody hurt?

-Everybody good?

-No.

F***ing damn it.

Where the f***

is Kramer, man?

Let's get an ammo check.

Red, sarge,

all f***ing red.

Oh, f*** that.

All right, listen up.

We got a big sh*t

sandwich here, boys.

Those a & a shitbags,

they left our flank

wide f***ing open,

so we are on our own,

understand?

We got three of our boys

still out there,

but we're gonna go

and get 'em.

Got it?

-Hooah.

-Hooah.

Nolan, Skinner!

You're coming with me

-on a stealth op.

-Hooah.

Now the rest of you,

i want you to stand fast,

and stay in the bunker.

Under no f***ing circumstances

are you to leave.

You understand?

-Hooah.

-Hooah.

Perez, you're

the designated babysitter.

You make sure nothing happens

to this f***ing kid,

you understand?

I understand,

i just think we should

go out there as a squad--

who the f*** told you

to think, Perez?

It's my job to do

the thinking for you

so that you don't f***ing die.

You get me?

-Yes, sarge.

-You keep your mouth shut

and you do what you've been

trained to do.

Does everybody here

understand my orders?

- Hooah.

- Nobody leaves the bunker.

-Yes, sir.

-If we don't come back,

you hold the f*** out

until you are reinforced.

All right,

corporal butch, take command.

Let's move.

Later, guys.

Let's go.

All right.

Stay the f*** out of my way,

you hear me?

Crook, crook, crook!

-Guard this door.

-Crook.

You got your ears on?

Goddamn it.

All right, yeah,

let's check around,

see if there's anything

we can use

in this motherf***er.

Ain't got sh*t in here.

Bullshit I.E.D.'S,

we're f***ing right in here.

-Geraldo?

-Yeah?

This is where you

keep your sh*t.

Make it cozy.

We could be here a while.

Oh, god.

So here we are somewhere.

Now I know it doesn't

say much,

but honestly,

i have no idea where

the f*** we are.

The last thing I recorded

was us making a run for it

in the desert,

and then me just

face planting in the sand.

Sh*t.

After my camera shut off,

we ran for about 20 minutes,

give or take,

until Nelson and I stumbled

upon this bunker.

It's clearly an enemy bunker,

which makes me wonder

why we're staying here.

I just have to hope

that the Taliban decides

not to return home.

Sh*t.

I'll report back later.

Over and out.

We made it through

our first official hour.

I did what I could

to make my new area

as homey as possible.

Moved my backpack

around a little bit,

put it in a few

different spots.

I think it looks pretty good

where it is now.

I hope butch approves.

-Can I interview you?

-Now is not a good time.

What else are we

gonna do down here?

All right.

Okay, start

by stating your name

and where you're from.

You know my name

and where I'm from.

My name is Luis Perez

and I'm from upstate New York.

My boys call me crook.

Why did you join the army?

Uh, good question.

Not just a good one,

such a unique one,

such an interesting angle.

Definitely never one

I've been asked before.

Come back when you have

something worth talking about.

Okay.

Why don't you tell me

why sergeant Nelson

shot you down like that?

I mean, you brought up

a good point.

Maybe we should

have all gone with him.

Good point on that.

-I spoke out of turn.

-You can't be serious.

Come on, Geraldo.

A non-ray like me

talking back to a sergeant?

-You know what

a non-ray is, don't you?

-I can kind of guess.

It's a rank so low

we're not even

considered human.

So low we're not even

worthy of a rank.

Christ man, I'm lucky

he didn't sh*t on me

right then and there.

You mean killing you?

No, I mean sh*t on me.

At least killing me would have

been respectable.

So you can't speak

your mind freely.

Oh, no, we can,

just not to authority.

It's as if we don't count,

we have no business

speaking our minds.

It's just how it is.

When I first got here...

One of my sergeants,

we'll call him captain dipshit,

was telling a joke

to a bunch of other

captain dipshits.

I thought the joke was funny,

so I laughed.

I soon found out

that if captain dipshit

tells a joke to a bunch

of other captain dipshits,

better not f***ing laugh.

At least he better not

hear you laugh,

'cause god knows he wasn't

tell you that joke.

Don't get me wrong,

when I first enlisted,

I was willing to jump

on a hand grenade

for any of these boys,

and I hope they do

the same for me.

But I got news for you, dawg,

ain't nothing in your contract

when you enlist says

your bosses will respect you.

So talking back to authority?

Don't do it unless

you like being sh*t on.

Even when you're in war?

Especially

when you're at war.

So you said earlier that when

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