Cigarette Soup Page #3

you first enlisted

you were willing

to jump on a hand grenade

for any of these guys.

That's right.

Sounds like you knew

what you wanted to do

for a long time.

Yeah, as long

as I can remember.

This is where I see myself

for the rest of my life.

I mean, maybe not

in a shithole bunker,

but definitely in the army

serving our country.

Does it discourage you,

being here,

defending our country,

fighting for our freedom

with your life at stake?

I mean, at most times,

you're talked down to

like a child.

Nah, it's fine.

You sure?

I said it's fine.

Look, right now

I'm more concerned

with how much food

and water we got.

I don't know how long

we're gonna be locked up

in this hell hole

and I just hope it's enough.

That's all for now.

Sh*t.

I got five mre's left.

That means

if I'm eating three a day,

I'm gonna be out

by tomorrow after lunch.

That can't be good.

Mason's from the south

and he talks real slow like.

The boys call him lennie

because he reminds them

of lennie from

"of mice and men."

He's not retarded

or anything,

he just has this crazy

unearthly human strength

when you push

his buttons the wrong way.

He's the only southerner I know

who listens to Janet Jackson.

Seems like you're pretty good

at cleaning that rifle.

Pretty good? I'm gonna

tell you something, boy,

before I joined the army,

the only thing I ever cleaned

was my family's chicken Coop.

There was sh*t

all over the place.

You never forget

something like that.

I would clean this rifle

with my tongue

every single day if I had to,

if it meant I never had

to clean up chicken sh*t again.

You know, that's one

of the first things

they teach you

when you join the army,

how to clean a rifle.

They make you do it over

and over and over

till you get it right.

You ever shoot a gun before?

-No, I haven't.

-Yeah, I'm gonna

remember that

when we get back

out there on the field

and I need someone

to watch my ass.

Yeah, I've been shooting guns

since I was a kid.

Shooting all kinds of stuff.

You know, my pop

bought me my first gun

when I was seven,

maybe eight years old.

It was a Christmas present

and the next two birthdays

after that.

I mean, that's

the kind of poor we was.

So let's say you have

two minutes to teach

a guy like me,

who's never touched a rifle

before in his life,

how to shoot a rifle.

What would you tell him?

What would you tell me?

You know, 50 years from now,

when I'm old and grey

and I can't wipe

my own ass no more,

I would still be able

to assemble a rifle.

Blindfolded.

But you know what?

It gets so ingrained

in your skull

that it becomes automatic.

It becomes instinct.

So how do I teach

someone like you

how to shoot a rifle

in 10 minutes?

I don't know.

How do you teach

someone to breathe?

How do you teach someone

how to sleep?

You don't. You just--

you just do it.

Do you think we all should

have gone with sergeant Nelson?

Yeah, I do.

Why do you think he ordered us

all to stay here?

People do sh*t

for crazy reasons sometimes.

You know, these Taliban guys

we're supposed to be fighting

take cocaine all day long

so they don't even feel it

when we shoot them.

You wanna know

something else crazy?

I joined the army

because I lost a bet.

I was 17 years old,

it was my birthday,

drinking too much,

riding around town

with a bunch of my buddies,

and I just got it in my mind

I was the baddest man

in town.

So I bet them straight out,

find me the biggest

motherf***er you can

and I will put him down.

And so they did,

and he beat the sh*t

outta me.

A lot of people would be mad

at him for all of that,

but every time I go back

into town when I'm on leave,

I still visit him

every time.

Looking back, you wish

you had won that fight?

You know, like I said,

we all do things

for a lot of different

crazy reasons sometimes.

It was for the best.

We've been down here

way longer than I thought

we were gonna.

At this point, I need to take

a break from the interviews.

There's a fine line between

staying on top of these guys

to get answers

and keeping your distance

so you don't piss them off.

Once that happens,

you're done.

You lost 'em forever.

F***.

This is some f***ing bullshit.

My black dick for

your motherfucking mouth.

That's for you.

My f***ing dick--

I swear to god, you hick,

if you don't give me back

my f***ing p*ssy,

I'm gonna slit your throat

when you're sleeping.

What the hell is going on?

Monti thinks we got

a thief down here.

I know we have a f***ing thief

and his name is lennie.

Man, you just got to think

of a pretty face

next time you jerk off.

You got no magazine

to look at.

You got no proof

i did nothing.

-I just saw you reading one.

-Man, that was my smut.

You read a completely different

kind of smut than I do.

You read that

Sunday school sh*t.

Kinda porn I read will make

your dick fall right off.

You're a f***ing hick

and a liar.

F*** you all!

Get off me, son.

All right, all right.

That's enough. Guys!

Break it up.

Break it the f*** up.

Back off.

All right, and, you,

that's enough with that.

-Relax a little bit.

-Hey, tell me this,

who was watching the door

while you three

stand around jerking

each other off, huh?

Lennie, the f***

back on the door.

The three of you

keep your eyes open,

your mouths closed

for a change.

My sh*t.

It belongs to me.

It's f***ing freezing.

I don't know if you

can see my breath or not,

but trust me, it's there.

It ain't no comfort inn,

I'll tell you that much.

Geraldo! Get your ass

over here.

Come on!

Hurry up, bro.

All right, now that you got

your ass over here

get into this.

Monti, crook, slide over.

Right there.

I never thought

I'd be shacking up with

a bunch of boys.

All righty then, fellas.

This is not his first time.

I swear to god,

f***ing Geraldo,

you touch me and I'll rip

your f***ing ass.

-You're not my type, monti.

-Oh, sh*t.

I don't think he meant

to say "rip your ass."

Sh*t.

-Now it's a party.

-Yeah.

I don't remember

a night this cold,

i can tell you that.

Southern boys ain't used

to the cold, huh?

This is what

makes you a man.

Makes you a man?

I thought I saw

your leg shaking.

Shut the f*** up.

So this is the gayest thing

I've ever seen.

Well, you're welcome to go

in the other room there

and bust a nut

in the f***ing wall

if you want to.

That would be definitely

less gay, wouldn't it?

I mean, yeah,

it would, actually.

It would be less gay.

Yeah, it would--

-technically.

-Technically speaking...

Being the authority

on gay, lennie.

He's like our gay coach.

He coaches us.

He invented this.

This is called the lennie.

No, I'm the authority

on other things,

'cause this-- it smells

like a dog's vagina.

So you're an authority

on dog's vagina?

-Too f***ing easy.

-Glad you made that clear.

He set himself up

to get f***ed up.

Just telling you,

that ain't gay, all right?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes