Cigarette Soup Page #5

that b*tch up tight.

-Shut the f*** up, monti!

-Shut the f*** up!

Everybody shut the f*** up.

She's gonna be fine

tied up there tight

back for a while,

all right?

Why didn't she detonate

that bomb?

She had all the time

in the world

when she came in here.

Why didn't she do it?

She get cold feet or something?

What you f***ing mean,

"cold feet"?

She's not getting f***ing

married, lennie.

What the f***

you think is going on?

-Who cares?

-The f*** off of me!

All of you shut

the f*** up, all right?

You gonna blow yourself up

in a million pieces,

you think you're gonna

straight do it?

You'd be scared as sh*t, too.

Whatever the reason,

she didn't, all right?

And we're not

all f***ing dead,

so unless anybody has a problem

with not being f***ing dead,

I suggest we drop it

right now.

Graham, guard the prisoner.

Everybody back to your post,

and the next time I ask you

to guard the f***ing door,

it means do not let some

vested up hajji b*tch

waltz into my f***ing

living room!

How did she get through

the f***ing barrier?

You don't have

20 f***ing questions!

You're off this f***ing post.

Crook, get over here!

Go in that f***ing room

right there and cry to yourself

until you remember

how to be a f***ing soldier.

Get down there!

Jesus Christ!

Sh*t.

Sometimes there's just

nothing to say.

This is why I came here.

I gotta say something.

Truth is...

We could all

be dead right now.

That is a scary-ass thought.

I don't know

why she didn't detonate

that f***ing bomb.

I just know

it'll drive us all crazy

if we try to figure

that sh*t out.

This guy, he's gotta be

one of the funniest,

nicest guys around.

And by nice, I just mean

he won't f*** with you

unless you f***

with him first.

-Graham?

-Katie Couric.

-Feels good to be alive.

-Very funny, very funny.

So, you told me how crook

got his nickname,

-how'd you get yours?

-You love these f***ing

nicknames, don't you?

Well, um, I was

back in boot camp

and hanging

around the barracks.

A bunch of these

f***ing meatheads

started fighting

each other.

And I just wasn't

in the mood for that sh*t,

so I ran over,

i broke it up,

and then a bunch of guys

started calling me Gandhi.

But it turned out "Gandhi"

was already taken

by the only other

Indian guy in our unit,

and I think that both of us

can agree that Gandhi

works a little bit better

for an Indian guy

than it does me,

so then they started

calling me "Billy Graham".

What's with the old

newspaper there?

Crosswords, man.

You do know they make

crossword puzzle books, right?

-I do know that.

-Okay.

-I do, thank you.

-Just checking.

I just like having

the paper around, you know,

in case I wanna

take a look at it.

It might be old news

and f***ing depressing,

but it's something of

the outside world, you know?

It makes me feel like...

There's something out there

other than this.

I mean, I guess that's why

we take pride in little things

like brushing our teeth

or even just taking a sh*t,

because we all

just wanna feel normal.

Because when you

think about it,

this sh*t is not normal.

What else do you do to keep

your mind off all this?

Well, you don't really keep

your mind off all this.

I wish you did,

but back on base most guys

just f***ing, you know,

read, work out,

play pranks, jerk off,

clean their rifle.

I write--

i write letters a lot.

Also, I jerk off.

-Naturally.

-But don't tell

anybody that because--

-in the locked box.

-Okay, good.

Who usually writes

you letters?

My family. You know,

mom, grandma, aunts.

My wife, mostly, though.

-Your wife?

-Yeah, my wife.

-You're married?

-F***ing dude.

You gotta be-- holy sh*t,

how did I miss that?

There it is.

How did you miss that?

It's my f***ing

bling right there.

Listen, well, you're not

gonna f***ing miss this

when I show you.

You ready?

Keep it together,

all right?

-Okay.

-Bam.

-Whoo!

-That's a woman right there.

-You kidding me?

-No, I'm not.

-That's your wife?

-That is my wife.

You didn't rip that out

of a magazine or something?

I may have done that,

but then married it.

But, um...

We made that.

That's my son, Max.

He's two weeks

in that picture,

but he's bigger now.

Congrats, man,

he's really cute.

Yeah, I haven't

met him yet,

but my wife says

he's got my personality.

Would you like to say something

into the camera for Max?

I don't--

no, I got--

I got what I wanna say

right here.

What the f*** are you doing,

huh? Answer me!

What the f***

are you looking at, slut?

Pull your

f***ing head together.

Hey, look at me.

F***, man,

she keeps staring at me.

Let it go. Focus.

F*** it.

I'm looking at her, man.

-Calm down.

-Easy.

Goddamn it, Geraldo!

Get that goddamn thing off!

Monti, calm down! Jesus!

Sh*t.

F***ing piece of sh*t!

Come on, kid.

You gotta steer clear now.

My first wounds in battle.

It's not a broken bone

or detached limb

from stepping on an I.E.D.

Bloody nose, bloody lip.

Hey. Hey, can you hear me?

What the f***?

Get the f*** away from her.

Don't let her

innocent face fool you.

Did you forget she tried

to blow us the f*** up

a few moments ago?

That is exactly

how they get you.

They look like

innocent civilians,

and they will kill you

without even a second thought.

So for your safety

and for ours,

stay the f*** away from her.

It's been over 20 hours.

I think it's finally starting

to catch up with everyone.

There's been a few signs

of breaking down,

but I think you can see

how being locked up this long

would make you act in ways

you normally wouldn't.

I don't know how much longer

we can take it down here.

But for now, we wait.

Dillon Moore, aka butch,

the newly appointed sergeant

for the time being.

I think he's from Montana

or maybe it's Colorado

or something.

I'm not sure.

I just know that

he grew up on a ranch

that's bigger than

my hometown.

The guys named him butch

after butch Cassidy

'cause they're both

from the wild west.

I think they named him butch

because he can be

one tough dude,

but only when he has to be.

He certainly put me

in my place before,

that's for sure.

Is this how you normally

conduct your interviews,

just wait for your interviewee

to start talking?

What do you fear the most

in this situation?

Okay, um...

Well, what's the one thing

that you think my audience

needs to know about your men?

Um, that soldiers don't

just live one kind of life.

You're interviewing them

and you're getting them

in this moment,

but look at

my guys out there.

These guys have

girlfriends and wives,

kids.

They deal with all

the same stuff

everybody else does.

Births, deaths, you know,

a root canal.

Car breaks down,

birthday party.

I guess that's it,

that soldiers live more

than one way of life.

-Do you have family?

-Oh, yeah.

A great pop, two brothers,

one older, one younger.

All are or were soldiers,

including my grandfather--

three generations worth.

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