Class Rank Page #3

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Excuse me, ShopRite shopper,

may I ask if you are

of voting age?

Haha... you're sweet.

I thank you for the compliment.

May I trouble you to sign my petition

to campaign for the

Livingston Board of Education?

Ah, yeah., of course.

Interested in being

informed of several policies

I plan to champion?

I'm sorry but I can't now.

I've got ice cream in my cart.

Surely the melting of

your dairy products

is not more important than the future

education of your child.

We understand you're very busy

so thank you so much

for your signature.

Have a good day.

No.. we don't.

Why did you cut me off just then?

I was going to give her a

quick ten-minute summary

of our campaign policies.

Because she didn't seem

interested in our policies.

Well I admit I am a neophyte

in the field of campaigning

but do we really want the

support of the apathetic?

Yes, that is how elections are won.

Very well then.

Let's proceed.

Excuse me, ShopRite shopper,

would you like to be the change

you want to see in the world?

I have no change.

I was quoting Mahatma Gandhi,

not asking for nickels.

What are you guys doing here?

I'm collecting signatures to campaign

for the board of education.

I hope to be a breath of fresh air

to the Livingston educational regime.

Sweet.

It's like the Arab Spring

right here in Livingston.

Let me give you my 'JOHN DOE'.

Good luck with the campaign bro.

Thank you.

How often do you come here?

Whenever my grandfather needs

ingredients for a recipe.

He's quite an accomplished chef but

he detests supermarkets.

Let us continue.

I have shoes older than you.

Hey are you sure you

don't want anything?

I'm sure on multiple levels.

To name 4, I don't wish to

begin a caffeine addiction.

2. I'm on a very strict budget.

3. I don't see a sign

guaranteeing this premium

coffee has not been

labored at slave wages.

And fourthly, I do not support the

globalization of mega conglomerates.

But Starbucks is the

only coffee shop in town.

So what is the focal

point of this meeting?

Okay there's a few things.

Item one, finances.

In order to run a

proper campaign,

we're going to need money.

How much are you willing

to spend on advertising?

I presently survive on

an allowance that is,

let us say,

meager rather than generous.

Ok I guess I can charge the

photocopying and art supplies

to my credit card.

You have a credit card?

Ok item two?

Your name?

What's wrong with my name?

It's too formal.

From now on we're gonna call you

Bernie.

- Bernie?!

- Yeah Bernie.

That sounds like a

Sesame Street character.

Yeah, and those characters

are very likeable.

Item 3. Your appearance.

- Pardon me.

- We need to fix your hair and...

you're gonna need to

lose the braces, Bernie.

I will do no such thing.

And don't call me Bernie!

Congratulations to the

LHS boys soccer team,

who beat Randolph 3-0 last night

thanks to two goals

by Robbie McLoud and

one by David Bender.

The Bears, who are ranked 7th

in the Star-Ledger, are off

to a blazing start this season.

Back to you, Zev.

Thanks, Julia.

This morning we have

a special announcement

from Junior class

president Veronica Krauss.

Good morning, Bears.

I'd like to ask you to come

to the cafeteria today and

meet Bernie Flannigan,

our fellow Bear who is running for

the Livingston Board of Education.

Hello fellow students.

Bernie is finished asking

Look at Barf-nard's haircut.

Gross.

So please come to the cafeteria today

to meet our future representative on

the Board of Education.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Thanks Veronica. Um so what's next?

You can get us some new uniforms?

Actually, I don't think there

will be room in the budget

for athletic fashion upgrades.

What Bernie means is that it isn't

one of his main campaign issues.

However he'll definitely

look into getting

new uniforms.

Why would you make such a claim

about wasting valuable funds

on modern day barbarianism?

We are gonna need

every vote we can get.

I didn't make any promises

to the football player.

I just said we'd look into it.

That's what politicians always say.

Plus, the only issues the

football players really care

about are football related issues.

Hey,

can we get cigarette vending machines?

I'll look into it.

I'm holding you to that.

Make sure you tell

your parents to vote.

I hate my parents.

Bernie,

do you know the Bollywood crowd?

I'm familiar with the

work of Sonam Kapoor.

She was marvelous in Aisha.

I'm talking about the

Bollywood kids in our grade.

The ones sitting over there,

staring at us.

Yes, I know them.

They're in my AP chemistry class.

Haha...

You are too funny.

I can't...

That was not meant to be funny.

I was...

Seriously stop, your...

You're too much. Ok let's go.

If you don't mind me asking,

why were you acting

like an unstable person?

Bernie, you're a politician.

You need to seem more... human.

- Human?

- People want to vote

for someone they'd like to have

a beer with.

But I would never drink beer.

Alcohol kills brain cells

and legally I can't

drink for 5 more years.

All I'm saying is that it can't

hurt to make people think

you can make girls laugh.

Of course I can make girls laugh.

The Cornish hen is divine Grandpa.

How've your grades been

the marking quarter?

Grades are so trivial.

These days I'm focused on my campaign

for the Board of Education.

Question is why are you doing this?

2 years you'll be

going off to college.

If I'm elected,

I promise to attend the

finest university within a commutable

distance from Livingston.

Many of the top universities

in the nation are in the

nation are in the New York/New Jersey

metropolitan area.

Who's gonna vote for you?

According to my campaign

manager as many people

as I can get.

We had differing

opinions on this matter

but I bowed to her wisdom.

Does she have a Ph.D.

in political science?

Did she teach atone

of New Jersey's finest

institutions of higher learning?

Did she work as a consultant

for Michael Dukakis in 1988?

No, but she has a credit card.

Haha... right.

That's what politics are today...

money.

I hope I have not hurt your feelings.

Lean get over it if you play

shuffleboard with me tomorrow.

You have a deal.

Have a nice day.

Hey, you think like six of my

friends and I can share a room,

so we pay less?

Unfortunately not.

We signed a contract with the lodge

to abide by all their

rules and regulations.

- That blows.

- Yeah

Make sure you sign the

waiver form on the back page.

What kind of skis do you have?

'Dynastar Speed Cross'.

The vertical sidewalls on

those give the skis excellent

edge grip and balance.

However, for an all-mountain

ski I find the bindings to be sub-par

compared to the

'Atomic Blackeye Ti's'.

The 'Atomics' are pretty dope.

Catch you later, Bernie.

- You ski?

- Of course.

I was an East Coast Junior

Olympian in kindergarten.

My parents coached the team until

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