Class Rank Page #4

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they were killed by an avalanche.

Your parents were

killed by an avalanche?

Yes, unfortunately avalanche balloons

weren't commonplace in 2006.

Do you ski?

Um. No,

but my dad's been saying for years

that he's gonna take me to Tahoe.

There's plenty of great mountains

on the East Coast as well.

Yeah, but he lives in California.

Veronica, if you don't ski,

why are you organizing the ski trip?

Because it'll look good

on my transcript to Yale.

I organize activities all the

time that I have no interest in.

So Yale is your top choice?

Yeah.

They have by far the most renowned

history program in the country.

I didn't realize you

were such a history buff.

Actually, I find history

to be pretty boring.

It's just that history

is the best major to have

when applying to law school.

So you want to be a lawyer?

No. I want to be a

Supreme Court Justice.

That's a very impressive career goal.

I personally believe the Supreme Court

is the most influential

branch of our democracy.

Did you know that

every member on the

current Supreme Court bench

graduated from either

Harvard or Yale?

If I go to both,

I'll be on a great path

towards the Supreme Court.

I thought Justice Ginsburg

graduated from Columbia?

She did but she actually

started law school

at Harvard and then

transferred to Columbia.

She was the first woman ever to be on

the Harvard Law Review and

the Columbia Law Review.

I have no doubt you'll be

successful in your venture.

However,

a word of advice for when you are

on the Supreme Court.

Never accept a Coke

from Clarence Thomas.

Haha... You're gross, Bernie.

Do you think Barf-nard

and Virgin-ica are

actually dating?

I just ate lunch.

Good afternoon Bernard.

I have a list of grievances

not unlike Martin Luther's 95 Theses.

This is very heavy.

I estimate it will take up

roughly 6 pages of newsprint.

I only have 10 pages of newsprint.

In your hand, you possess my official

declaration of

candidacy the Livingston

Board of Education.

Your running for the

Board of Education?

What does your grandfather

feel about your candidacy?

Well, local politics is not his forte.

He much prefers shuffleboard.

I'd like to try shuffleboard someday.

Salutations, Post Worker Wesley.

First class international mail please.

Here's my customs form.

Alright.

'B', we go through this every time,

man.

You should use a padded

envelope to protect your tape.

Out of principle I refuse to pay extra

money for air wrapped in

non recyclable plastic.

Okay, but I can hook you

up with some bubble wrap.

Something your special lady

will enjoy just popping.

Let me get you another one.

Yeah. There you go.

I'm really glad you're not

just emailing your lady.

There's something special about

receiving that letter in the mail.

It's like the first time

you see a baby deer born.

He shoots right out of his

mom and all that little stuff

falls out and gets messy everywhere.

Can't buy that feeling.

And email just doesn't cut it.

Agreed.

Also, I don't wish to share the

contents of our relationship

with the NSA.

Yeah,

you shouldn't cause they're watching.

They're watching right now.

Put the fluff down Bernard.

Start stretching.

Jehovahs.

Actually, I believe that

maybe, guest, I invited over.

We have a game bud.

Hello, Bernard.

I hope I'm not too early.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Grandpa, this is the Editor-In-Chief

of 'The Livingston Weekly'.

Editor-Ln-Chief,

this is my grandfather, Oswald.

Madam.

Very pleased to me you.

What's in the bag?

Ice cream.

You churn it yourself?

No, my friends Ben & Jerry.

What kind of ice cream?

Chocolate chip cookie dough.

That's my grandfather's

third favorite kind.

Fourth.

Pay him no heed. He thinks vanilla and

vanilla-bean should be

categorized separately.

- They should be.

- They should be.

Shall I put it in the freezer?

Yes please, right through here.

Thanks.

What's going on?

Every woman comes here,

wants to bring us, sweets.

It is the year of the monkey, Grandpa.

It appears my grandson brought

a hustler to our yard.

You must be on the

shuffleboard circuit.

I swear this is my first time.

So you're a natural?

In some ways.

I was gonna take it easy on you.

What a sap.

Hello.

- Your grandchild

- Does Bernard play?

Huh?

Does Bernard play?

I would say barely to that question.

He's usually too busy

with his extracurriculars.

I'm finished.

Wow. I had no idea that

you were an artist.

Hardly.

Painting is merely my preferred

mandatory school elective.

Which is yours?

I like orchestra. I play the violin.

Just like former Supreme

Court Justice Abe Fortas.

Yeah.

So,

what is our next campaign maneuver?

Kay, we need to get the posters around

town and get your name out there.

What are the five most highly

trafficked spots in Livingston?

I would venture to guess... the mall.

ShopRite,

drugstore,

post office,

and the hospital.

Maybe we skip the hospital.

I don't want people to

associate Bernie Flannigan

with emergency rooms.

That seems prudent.

Bernard. Jehovahs.

You know,

your yard could use some T-L-C.

Ma'am?

Tender loving care.

Hey, who's that?

That's Tai-Yu. My Aurora Borealis.

You have a girlfriend?

Yes, I am in a committed,

long distance,

loving, monogamous relationship.

Oh. How'd you guys meet?

We have been pen-pals

since the fourth grade.

It was a social studies assignment.

Yeah, in Mr. Dubrow's class?

Exactly.

Your pen-pal was from Finland.

I believe her name was Evilina.

- Avalina.

- Avalina.

You were in that class?

I sat directly behind you.

Your side ponytail was

a constant hindrance

to seeing the black board.

You remember my side ponytail?

Cool.

Hey honey.

Did you two have fun?

Yeah, I think so.

It was kinda hard to tell with Bernie.

Mom, what do you think about

long distance relationships?

Let me put it like this.

Everyone I know who's moved

from New York to L.A.

for their career, has wound up ending

it with their significant other.

So they usually never ever work out?

Didn't for me and your dad.

Whoa, I like this portrait.

It's like Singer Sargent

meets Edward Hopper.

You're familiar with the 20th century

American realism movement?

Yeah, I studied it in college.

C'mon sweetie.

That's my mom. I've got to go.

I have a violin lesson.

Bye you guys.

Bye.

How was your day?

Dude, your girlfriend is pretty chill.

She's actually my campaign manager.

My girlfriend lives in China.

China? Out of site, out of mind, bro.

Condoms on aisle six,

if you know what I mean.

Bernie, bro, you were so right

about the 'Dynastar' bindings.

I hope you heal quickly.

Thanks, man. I'm definitely

taking your advice next year.

How much are the candy-grams?

One is two dollars. Two are three

dollars. Three are four dollars.

The more you buy, the more you save.

I'll take two.

There you go.

Thank you.

By the way, Bernie,

I told my parents to

vote for you bro.

Thank you.

You got it.

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