Clockwise Page #6

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an unfair temptation to put

a sherry glass in her hand.

Mr Stimpson's party?

In here.

Two more for you.

Terrific! Super!

This is the most exciting day!

Detective Sergeant Rice,

Norwich CID.

I believe you have a

Mr Brian Stimpson here.

Nothing wrong, I hope.

We'd just like a word with him, sir.

Well he hasn't arrived yet.

We're waiting for him.

We'll wait too then.

If we may.

I'll bring you some tea.

Stimpson supporters club?

In here.

Do you take sugar?

- Police looking for him now.

- Oh no!

Little boys?

Well, if he's not here by 5.00...

I suppose one of us could

say a few words.

Yes, I could have a go, if you like.

Something about money, perhaps?

Usually a reliable standby.

I hope he's not lying in

some ditch.

Oh, absolutely.

It was going to be the start of so much,

Laura. I was going to go into politics.

I used to think:

"When I become Secretary of State

for Education..."

Don't laugh!

I thought I didn't mind.

When I was in the monastery, I thought

I'd resigned myself to it, but really...

I knew I'd still got time, you see.

Funny how you always know secretly

when the last moment is,

and when it's gone.

And now it has,

I mind, Laura. I mind.

Mr Stimpson

Perhaps I could just...

lying here...

Mr Stimpson!

Wait!

Hop up then darling, what's the trouble?

Does this seat tip up?

Don't worry about the car. It's brand new.

Only got 12 miles on the clock.

What? You pull this lever?

- What's all this.

- We're together.

I don't believe this!

He's got to get to Norwich.

Well, I've seen them pull some stunts,

but... a monk?

Okay. A monk! What can I do?

I'm surprised at you though, Father.

Putting a bird out at the side of the road,

hiding in the ditch.

Does your Father Superior know you

travel around like this?

Funny! You!

Speech... Like that?

What?

Frankly, Father, I'm shocked,

do you know that?

I'm not easily shocked,

but I'm shocked.

- Can we stop?

- What?

Stop a moment. By these trees.

What's the trouble?

- Go for a little walk.

- Go for a walk?

In the woods.

You... wanna go for a walk?

Don't you want to come?

What... you mean? What?

No one around!

Well, this beats everything.

Sorry about this, Father.

Five minutes, that's all.

Pick a few flowers.

Come on then.

Him?

Do you want him to come?

Do you want Father there?

Come on! The sun's out.

It's a funny old world, isn't it?

Look, I'll be frank. I'm out of my depth.

We could take our clothes off.

Go on then.

You first.

Go on.

Shoes.

Now you.

Now, Mr Stimpson.

Come on then.

Oh, now look, I'm not doing a solo.

Come on, be a monk.

Keys, find the keys.

I knew it! I knew it was a stunt

the moment he got in the car.

Give it to me! Give it to me!

Give me that suit!

You've torn it.

Monk. Monk? You've torn the sleeve

off a 300-guinea suit.

Oh no, not the car!

It's not mine. It's a customer's.

It's not insured.

Oh, please, please,

don't drive. Come back!

I knew it. From the moment she

stuck her thumb up.

Don't worry about the sleeve.

We'll get some sellotape.

We've got some money now.

Feel in the pockets. How much

have we got?

Oh, look! Hundreds and hundreds.

We could do anything.

We could get Chinese take-aways.

I saw this film on television once:

there was this bloke and this girl, and

they went around everywhere in this car,

robbing these banks and things.

Did you see that, Mr Stimpson?

Don't worry, I'll get you there. I'm a

better driver than her, anyway.

We should have taken his

watch as well.

Do you know what's worrying me?

The way I always seem to

get involved with older men.

No point in waiting beyond 5.00,

is there?

I'm going to talk about charitable

status and moral leadership.

Why can't he keep those

damned women locked up?

So kind of you.

In everyone's way, as usual.

I'll just sit myself down.

Oh dear. Lost again, are we?

Quite, quite lost.

Let's see if we can find your friends.

Excuse me, but I am not shouting at you.

Excuse me, but you are!

Excuse me, but I'm merely trying to get

it into your head that he is not here.

Oh, here they all are.

So when will he be here?

I don't know.

Debating about which

word to do.

Can't you stop these people

wandering into the hall?

No I can't. They keep wanting

to go to the loo.

Mrs Wheel needs to go

to the ladies.

Do you see? And then they

don't come back.

Call yourself a doctor?

Get me someone to escort them

to the loo.

Ooh, we're off again, are we?

Not you, you've been.

Detective Inspector Laundryman,

regional crime squad.

Stimpson?

Thought I might have a few

words with him.

In here.

- Stimpson?

- What are you doing here, George?

Stimpson.

Takin' n' drivin, and assault?

No, taking and driving and kidnapping.

Right, inside then.

Let's keep the door closed.

Um, Gentlemen...

Gentlemen, if I might have your

attention for one moment...

Thank you.

And now the time is...

is exactly five o'clock, and I'm afraid

I have some bad news for you.

Our chairman, Mr Stimpson...

is here.

This is a historic moment.

I stand before you today as

your new chairman,

something that some of us never

expected to see in our lifetime.

We have come a long way together

to be where we are today.

A long way.

Who is she?

A long, long way...

And at this point I should

perhaps explain that

during the course of my journey

I have become separated...

separated from the text of my speech.

So I hope you will forgive me if

I am a little disconnected.

Right!

So I stand here today, and I

look out there

and what do I see?

I see myself

I see myself as I was then,

an obscure master from an

overawed comprehensive school.

Right. So, what was I doing there?

I was amazed to find herself...

Um, I was amazed to find myself

invited to become one of your

very select handful

of additional women.

And I was even more amazed still

at what I was listening to,

because what I was listening to was

Well, come in then if you're coming!

No, because what I was listening to was

Are there any more of you out there?

All right. Find yourselves somewhere

to sit.

Right.

There I was listening to the headmasters

of schools with great and glorious names

So kind of you.

Oh, sit down!

Yes, we're all waiting for you!

Thank you.

Right, so there I was,

listening to the headmasters of schools

with great and glorious names as they

kicked around a variety of

weighty topics,

as they expatiated upon a variety

of weighty balls.

I'm glad someone finds that funny.

Did he say what I think he said?

There's no need to whisper.

Please come up here and explain the

joke to the entire school.

And who's that creaking?

Come on, come on. Let's get it

over with.

There's a seat down here, look.

Long way to Norwich, was it?

Long way to that seat, too.

Make yourself comfortable then.

Get all the creaking over.

No rush.

We've got all the time in the world.

Time! Right, because I should like,

before I pass on, before I pass on

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